How're You Doing?

Time to read: Less than 1 minute.

I was talking to a colleague earlier this week, and she observed that there are, like, 16 crises going on at once. There's pandemic news. International news. The verdict in the Derek Chauvin trial. Feelings about returning to the office and school. Kids struggling academically. Kids struggling mentally. Then it's not like regular life events stop happening.

Wouldn't it be nice if you could say, "no thanks on the car trouble today. There's a pandemic."

I'm going to keep this short because it's a lot and your brain needs a rest. Here are two thoughts:

1. Have grace for yourself and others. You are carrying a lot. So are they. Be gentle and kind.
2. Take good care of yourself physically. Eat. Sleep. Rest. Walk. In an intense week, go back to the basics.

How are you doing? Feel free to email me. I always love hearing from you.

Love to you.

How Are You Coping?

Time to read: 2 minutes if you read both PSes.

Yup - I've seen all these seasons of the Bachelor(ette)

You don't need me to remind you of all the ways that things are stressful right now. Some days, the stress is so all-encompassing that it's hard to face the day. We are in survival mode - quite literally - and when in survival mode, you figure out how to cope.

Some coping is good.

Some coping is bad.

What are good and bad strategies, you may ask?

I have the most frustrating coach-y sort of answer...

It depends.

We can probably agree that violence against others is a bad coping strategy and finding homes for kittens is good. What about all the others like wine? TV? Cake? Work?

The answer goes back to last week's newsletter - know thyself.

Let's take my favorite coping strategy. My 16-year-old and I are on our 12th season of The Bachelor(ette). That's a lot of group dates, rose ceremonies and interpersonal drama. If you had suggested a year ago that The Bachelor would feature heavily in my mental health, I would have laughed.

To stay sane these days, something mindless and absorbing is not only fun, it's crucial. You can't consume a steady diet of politics and coronavirus news and stay mentally healthy. Mental breaks are vital. As a mental vacation, The Bachelor = good coping.

If I start to disappear into stupid TV to the exclusion of daily activities or you start to use wine to numb the discomfort of these hard times or if overworking is masking your feelings, then we've crossed into bad coping. Only you can know where that line is (that's the "it depends" part).

A glass of wine, TV time, and productive work may be exactly what you need to survive these times. Then know when your excellent coping has crossed into disappearing, numbing and denial and pull yourself back.

The Corporate Rebel coaching group is the best kind of coping. Fantastic colleagues. Consistent support. A step-by-step process to get to know yourself so you can powerfully navigate this moment in history and come out the other side ready for what's next.

Clarity U, will start in October. This program opens once a year, and I'd love to chat with you about how Clarity U will support and grow where you are now and where you want to go.

Sign up here for a 30-minute chat.

We'll talk about what's going on for you, what you need, and whether Clarity U is a good next step for where you are headed. For any of you who have worked with me, you know this initial conversation is casual, fun and productive whether you decide to join or not.

Here are some words from last year's participants:

"Doing this work has been more valuable than a lifetime of therapy. (And a lot more fun.)" - E.G.

"The Clarity U program has helped me in ways I didn't realize were possible." - A.C.

"I am so glad I participated in this program, it has changed me in ways I never expected!" - A.R.

I can't wait to connect!

Christina

P.S. Want to talk about Clarity U? Choose a time here for us to talk about what's going on in your life and career and how Clarity U will help you use the next few months to build your capacity for what's next.

P.P.S. Here's more information. Let's talk!

Do you relate to any of these statements?

• Life feels chaotic and uncertain, and you feel overwhelmed and depleted.
• You make decisions from a place of fear instead of empowered choice, constantly second guessing yourself.
• You’re simultaneously unproductive and working more than you ever have.
• The ineffective patterns that have held you back for years have intensified, showing up in work dynamics and personal relationships.
• You’re reaching for ways to get your life and work back in control and not sure how or what to do.

What's in it for you? Starting in October you will learn to...

• Shake off negative patterns of thinking and behaving so you can stop holding yourself back. Your life will be easier and work more fulfilling during this stressful time and into the future.
• Gracefully navigate uncertainty so you are confident in your ability to handle change and instability.
• Ground yourself physically and spiritually to allow radical transformation so you can stand steady in the midst of chaos.
• Wield your new, portable Toolbox of Skills so you're ready to take action, make choices, and be in control of your career and life.
• Get clear about who you are and what you want, and bravely take action to make your goals real.

Hitting a Wall? What Is Going On?

Time to read: short. You're tired and don't need more things to do.

Like this one

About a week ago, I hit a wall... unmotivated, exhausted, crabby, unproductive, discouraged, and frustrated wall.

My family ate leftovers and take out. Emails went unanswered. Sleep was elusive. I could handle about one decision a day and if your need for my attention was the second or third decision that day, sorry, you'd have to wait till tomorrow.

Can you relate?

In the first few months of this pandemic, I was on fire. New programs for all of you. Cooking. Gardening. Reading. A new fish tank. Zoom calls. A few weeks ago, I published a list for the Corporate Rebel Masters (an ongoing community of people who have graduated from coaching) of the things I do to fill my energy bucket. It was an impressive and true list. If there is such a thing as winning in this pandemic, I was doing it. (Ha. My life's work to learn that my value isn't my accomplishments was apparent even in how I handle a pandemic. Can't a girl get a break?)

A few days ago, I couldn't imagine doing any of those things. Friends started calling in tears. Clients talked about low motivation and exhaustion. I was barely keeping up with the basics.

I'm eternally optimistic. I can see the silver lining in just about any cloud. A friend commented that it was disconcerting to see me be so dark when she counts on me for light.

What the heck is going on? I feared something was truly wrong with me that I wasn't coping better.

Then my friend sent this article. The term is "surge capacity." As you'll see from the psychological research the author cites, we humans are programmed to handle crises. We have resilience that enables us to handle acute stress and to surge our energy to meet it. However, that capacity is meant to be short term. We are not mentally programmed to manage a crisis that continues for months or even years.

We "surged," and now we're depleted.

Having a name for what happened to me was a great relief. I slept well last night and today, I can handle two decisions.

We're tired, folks. It's been a long road with no end in sight.

For the next few weeks, I am going to talk about how to recover and create resilience in new ways. Less accomplishment. More energy. You can get through this. You just need a different toolbox.

I'll be recovering right along with you. Please hit reply to this email and tell me how you're doing. If you're still riding high with energy, awesome. I'd love to hear what's working.

And stay tuned. I'm excited for something I have in store for you. I'll be ready to share next week.

With love,

Christina

P.S. A cool opportunity is coming next week. Keep your eyes open!

Answering Your Curiosity

Time to read: Less than one minute

You were curious

Hello rebels!

In your responses, a couple of you asked if I would answer the same questions that I asked you. Great idea! If you're interested to know what I'm thinking about and struggling with, keep reading.

If not, go back to your waaaay more interesting email.

I don't mind.

Really, I don't.

Here it goes:

What are you thinking about?

I think a lot about the state of our world and the future of American democracy. I have read more news in the past few months than ever before in my life, and it's simultaneously fascinating and distressing. Most days, I'm hopeful and optimistic. Some days, I feel despair. I can't get enough of The Atlantic.

I think about racial justice and all kinds of justice.

I also think about my children more than they want me to and paint colors for the outside of our house and my garden.

Oh, and I think about food. What's for dinner is frequently the first thought I have in the morning.

What are your current struggles?

I don't struggle as much as I used to which is a good thing since I used to be a master struggler.

That said, I am struggling mightily with school in the fall. No solutions are good solutions and reopening fully (which is what I want) seems impossible. I would give up everything and isolate alone in my room if that meant school could open in the fall.

With everything else, I hold a lot of complexity and a lot of unresolved questions and contradictions. Like:

• How to maintain the march to independence for my teenagers while simultaneously keeping them safe.
• What activities are safe and which ones are not?
• What is my place in the movement toward racial justice? What is the role of my business?
• What's eating my butterfly bushes?
• Is it indulgent to buy a water lily?

Are you working too much? Not enough?

I'm working the perfect amount. The awesome thing about my business is that I LOVE IT and because I'm independent, I can respond to your needs and my own at different times and in different seasons.

What are the unique challenges you're facing in these times?

See the answer to "current struggles." School. I'm having a very hard time letting school go. With all my preaching about "acceptance" and "surrender..." Nope. Not there yet when it comes to giving up school.

And it's hard to know what to say when there are no answers and no one has been down this path before.

How do I make sure my parents are being safe?

What would be helpful?

When I say I love to hear from you, I really mean it. I love to hear what you're thinking, what your world is like, and what's happening in different industries and parts of the globe. So, reach out anytime.

With love,

Christina

P.S. The Rebels at Home Challenge is a fun time. Eight easy challenges over 8 days. It's worth a little slice of your time this summer. Sign up here.

Crushed Between Working and Parenting?

Time to read: 2 minutes of pure validation and relief

The blissful days of parenting little ones

This one is for you, parent-rebels.

(If you're not a parent, keep reading as you know parents).

You are in an untenable position. The systems in the USA are not set up to support working parents under the best of circumstances. Trying to homeschool and entertain young children while simultaneously doing your job is impossible. If you are a single parent, the situation is even worse.

My clients and friends with young children face constant interruptions, no daycare, no school, no camp, and no peace.

Smart writers are sounding the alarm about the impossible position for parents in the Covid-19 economy. Read Deb Perelman's article, "We are Being Crushed," in the NYT here. Her article will validate everything you are experiencing.

What are you supposed to do? I put together this list as a parent-specific supplement to The Corporate Rebel's Unconventional Guide to Working from Home. Please keep in mind that I am not an expert on the COVID19 virus, the data in your particular location, or your family's personal situation. Make prudent choices for you and your family.

Here's what I've seen help working parents:

1. Accept the situation. Being locked at home with your children is less-than-ideal. The possibility that school could be closed in the fall is sub-optimal. You have to accept the situation as it is. Liberate, maybe even lower, your expectations so you can get creative. (If school is closed in the fall, I'll be challenged to accept it. You can remind me in the fall that I gave you this stupid advice.)


2. Examine your priorities and assumptions about what it means to be the ideal employee (available at all hours, immediately responsive) and the ideal parent. "Ideal parenting" and "ideal working" clash. You are likely holding impossible standards. Make sure your actions align with your priorities. To understand more about the clash of priorities for working parents, read this.


3. Raise the alarm with your employer. For the Covid economy to work for working parents, companies will have to get creative. Starting early. Working late. Split shifts. Fridays off. Mondays off. Talk to your colleagues. Talk to your boss. Employers will have to make changes in expectations and structures if working parents are going to have any chance of success.


4. Let go of guilt that you are failing at work and failing as a parent. This situation is hard. Don't add self-doubt and self-criticism to the pile on. If your kids watches 6 hours of cartoons so you can get to meetings, oh well. (See #1)


5. Vote for candidates who will take seriously the kinds of leave and family-work policies that make parenting and working possible in the USA.


6. Structure your home life as best you can. Create a kid-free work zone. You need maximum focus and productivity when working with kids at home so be clear that your work space is off limits unless the house is on fire or someone is barfing. Be efficient and focused when you're working. This may mean no "nice-to-have" meetings, no extra chit-chat. It sucks, and it preserves precious time for your family.


7. Form community with other adults in your life as much as feels safe for you. Tag team parenting with your partner if you have one. Create child-care pods with neighbors who take turns taking kids to the park. Bring in grandparents. Hire a teenage nanny.


8. Turn work off and focus on your family. The temptation to work all the time when you're at home is great. Turn off your laptop and spend focused time with your kiddos. They will interrupt you less if they know they have your undivided attention at other times, and you need the break.


9. Did I mention vote?

I hope this helps.

Christina

P.S. Here it is again, The Corporate Rebel's Unconventional Guide to Working from Home. Please share it liberally.

From Career Despair to Wild Success

Time to read: 1.25 minutes

Katie's portrait of my essential worker

Photographer, Katie Howie, watched the bottom drop out of her portrait business during the stay-at-home order. As she watched her life's work disappear overnight, she sank into depression and worry. She told me, "I was worried out of my mind for everyone and everything. I cried daily... Things felt bleak."

Katie is a former neighbor and our family's beloved photographer. In March, she texted me to ask if I knew any essential workers. She had started a project called, "By a Thread: Pandemic Portraits" to document essential workers at their homes. Turns out, I did know an essential worker. My 15-year-old son works as a cashier in a grocery store.

Katie said she didn't want to do what other portrait photographers were doing so she waited. She said, "For about a month, I waited for inspiration. And then, it was like lightning. My inspiration came so fast it was crazy."

Since she started By a Thread, Katie has done 60 profiles and unexpectedly and amazingly, her project is featured in Minnesota Monthly's July/August issue. (See the article here.) She's considering public shows and a book. The project (and Katie's career) has taken on a life of its own.

I asked for Katie's permission to share this story with you, because it's a story of how despair led to creativity. How waiting and listening led to inspiration, and how a career took off without a plan.

I heard from some of you that you're having a hard time connecting to the meaning of what you do. Katie is the perfect example of how finding your purpose works.

She sat with her despair. She allowed her personal pain and worry to move her and inspire her to act. She started something with no idea where it would lead. She leaned into her unique gifts and talents. She took the next step and the next and now By a Thread has a huge impact.

The world of work is challenging right now. And, the creative possibilities are endless.

What might become true for you with a little waiting, listening and leaning into your unique gifts and talents?

With love,

Christina

P.S. Would it be fun to find some inspiration of your own this summer? The Rebels at Home Challenge is 8 days of short (3 minutes) video challenges designed to inspire and uplift you so you can relieve stress and create new opportunities in this strange and challenging situation. Sign up here to receive Day 1.

Feel Guilty About Your Joy?

Time to read: 45 seconds.

We're at my father-in-law's funeral. My father-in-law was a gentle, impactful community and business leader who died of Alzheimers a few weeks ago. Yesterday was the moving, Covid-designed funeral.

We're sad.

And we're having a great time in Austin. BBQ never tasted so good and evening drives full of new smells and new sites are refreshing my family's soul. We didn't realize until we landed at the airport how much we needed rest and a change of scenery and perspective.

Complexity

That's the name of the game.

Ease does not come from erasing discomfort through simple explanations and avoiding pain. Ease comes from (cliche warning) leaning in, knowing that you are resilient and can handle whatever you hear or whatever happens. Ease comes from increasing your ability to embrace complexity - that joy and grief, fun and rage, can all exist together.

If you have the opportunity to visit the site of George Floyd's murder, I recommend you go. It's a moving experience - t-shirt booths, food tents serving free hotdogs and pasta salad (the bacon broccoli one was some of the best pasta salad I've ever eaten... I digress), people singing, make-shift food banks, all mixed together with a beautiful mural and altars of flowers, kid's drawings, and reverence and grief for the tragedy that took place there.

The experience is complex: optimistic, sad, hopeful, joyful, generous, and forward thinking. The experience paints a picture of the world fueled by love, community, and complexity as opposed to violence and domination.

This quote came across my radar screen today and is the perfect addition to thinking about joy and complexity. In the midst of doing intense work in non-violence and reconciliation, Emma Jordan-Simpson, Executive Director of the Fellowship of Reconciliation, talks about how she takes care of herself.

"One of the things I do to take care of myself is that I protect joy. Not having good times is not an excuse not to be human, not to live and move and engage. Joy helps us do that. For me, joy is seeing the effort that people make to take care of one another. Joy is having incredibly fulfilling relationships with family, with friends, with neighbors. Joy is finding something to laugh about at the most ridiculous times. Joy is in our music. No one can take joy from us."

As you find your place in this pandemic and your role in racial justice, you have permission to have your joy. It's part of embracing increased complexity.

With love,

Christina

P.S. If you want to better understand the issues surrounding police reforms, this New York Times Daily podcast is worth the 25 minutes.