Time to read: Less than one minute
Today is our last false emotion. Pity!
Oy. I'm going to tell you a vulnerable story.
I was talking with my coach. (Yes, coaches have coaches). Actually, it was less like talking and more like sobbing. I was admitting something I'm ashamed of. I started to say what a terrible person I am for having this thought when she stopped me. She said, "what would it be like to feel the feelings of shame and remorse without going to self-pity?"
Her challenge hit me between the eyes.
Ugh.
I saw the self-pity immediately and finally got how self-pity works.
First of all, it's so, so, sad, and well... pitiful.
Second, self-pity is convenient off-ramp. By taking the detour down the self-pity highway, you let yourself off the hook of your real feelings. You let yourself off the hook of responsibility.
See a pattern in the past month of newsletters?
Examining false emotions invites you to:
- Get real. Be honest with yourself about what's actually going on so you can address it effectively.
- Take responsibility. When you're honest with yourself, you can take ownership of what's actually happening. That may mean taking care of yourself as you feel your true emotions or it may mean being responsible for the ways your guilt, self-pity, blame or overwhelm have affected your family, friends and colleagues.
- Be free. Taking responsibility is so liberating. You are no longer stuck behind a facade.
As a professional, why should you care about false emotions? Because they waste your time and energy. Because they keep you from being the powerful leader you are in your life and work. Because they get in the way of the impact you want to have.
You've got stuff to do and people to help and a world to change. No more hiding and playing small.
With rebel love,
Christina
P.S. Do you even dare send this newsletter to someone with a note that says, "I see your self-pity and thought this would help!" Or, "I know xyz situation has been hard for you. I thought you'd enjoy this quick read." You might change someone's life. They can sign up to join us here.
P.P.S. February is the perfect time to review 2019 and plan for 2020. Reach out if you'd like to explore an intentional plan for 2020.