I Learned An Important Lesson For You

Time to read: 1 min, 25 seconds

When the cat's away, the mouse gets tattoos.

Last week, my entire family was gone. One child is away at college, and my husband and other child were chowing their way through the Pacific Northwest on a boy's spring break trip.

I was home alone.

I had no clients, no other work and only a few obligations. As I settled into house projects and time with friends I realized, it's the first time in 20 years that I have had more than a few hours to myself, free of any obligations to others or any caretaking other than our pets. This was a week to myself in my own life, so not on vacation or at a training or teaching, speaking, or coaching out of town. 20 years!

The week was an incredible reconnection to who I am on my own, without the roles I play or the services I provide to others. I didn't know to miss the aspects of myself that haven't had a chance because I'm so full with everything and everybody.

I love my everything and everybody. I love coaching. I love my family. And it was eye-opening to see all the parts of me who are there, just beneath the surface, ready to play.

I didn't do anything special or extraordinary. I relished my life. House. Friends. Neighborhood. Pets. It was more nourishing than a week or two of vacation.

So what does this have to do with you?

• Your life, as it is now, is filled with fun and joy and things you love. Find the space to see and enjoy the things that are already there.
• More of you is available, right beneath the surface of the roles you play and the people you care about and for. Make room for you.
• Get your people out, even for a day or 2, so you have some space to breathe and connect to YOU.

If you're wondering, I was happy when my people returned. It's good without them. It's also good with them.

Feel Guilty About Your Joy?

Time to read: 45 seconds.

We're at my father-in-law's funeral. My father-in-law was a gentle, impactful community and business leader who died of Alzheimers a few weeks ago. Yesterday was the moving, Covid-designed funeral.

We're sad.

And we're having a great time in Austin. BBQ never tasted so good and evening drives full of new smells and new sites are refreshing my family's soul. We didn't realize until we landed at the airport how much we needed rest and a change of scenery and perspective.

Complexity

That's the name of the game.

Ease does not come from erasing discomfort through simple explanations and avoiding pain. Ease comes from (cliche warning) leaning in, knowing that you are resilient and can handle whatever you hear or whatever happens. Ease comes from increasing your ability to embrace complexity - that joy and grief, fun and rage, can all exist together.

If you have the opportunity to visit the site of George Floyd's murder, I recommend you go. It's a moving experience - t-shirt booths, food tents serving free hotdogs and pasta salad (the bacon broccoli one was some of the best pasta salad I've ever eaten... I digress), people singing, make-shift food banks, all mixed together with a beautiful mural and altars of flowers, kid's drawings, and reverence and grief for the tragedy that took place there.

The experience is complex: optimistic, sad, hopeful, joyful, generous, and forward thinking. The experience paints a picture of the world fueled by love, community, and complexity as opposed to violence and domination.

This quote came across my radar screen today and is the perfect addition to thinking about joy and complexity. In the midst of doing intense work in non-violence and reconciliation, Emma Jordan-Simpson, Executive Director of the Fellowship of Reconciliation, talks about how she takes care of herself.

"One of the things I do to take care of myself is that I protect joy. Not having good times is not an excuse not to be human, not to live and move and engage. Joy helps us do that. For me, joy is seeing the effort that people make to take care of one another. Joy is having incredibly fulfilling relationships with family, with friends, with neighbors. Joy is finding something to laugh about at the most ridiculous times. Joy is in our music. No one can take joy from us."

As you find your place in this pandemic and your role in racial justice, you have permission to have your joy. It's part of embracing increased complexity.

With love,

Christina

P.S. If you want to better understand the issues surrounding police reforms, this New York Times Daily podcast is worth the 25 minutes.