How To Find The One Thing That Actually Matters Today

Time to read: 1.25 minutes

Vintage bunnies, cuz, why not?

Everything is urgent. Nothing is urgent. Let's find the thing that actually matters.

This week, I want to talk about focus — specifically, how to find it when your to-do list is screaming, and everything feels like it must happen now.

You've told me about this. The inbox that never empties. The meeting that could have been an email. The feeling that you're busy all day and somehow still behind.

Here's what I've noticed: urgency is often not a fact.

When everything feels urgent, almost nothing actually is. If the house is on fire or someone is bleeding, that's urgent. The real work — the work that moves the needle, serves your people, and matters a year from now — is quieter. It's sitting patiently underneath the noise, waiting for you to notice it, and because it's quiet, you often miss what's most important.

So how do you find what matters? Here are some ideas:

• Before you open your email in the morning, ask yourself one question: What is the one thing I could do today that would make everything else easier? Do that first.
• When someone says, "This is urgent," get curious. Ask when they actually need it. You'll be surprised how often "urgent" means "sometime this week."
• At the end of the day, look at your list and ask: What on here felt urgent but wasn't? Notice the pattern. It will teach you a lot about where your attention gets hijacked.
• Close a tab. Just one. You know the one.

The goal isn't to do more. The goal is to do the right thing, with your full attention, and feel the satisfaction of work that actually counts.

Please email me and tell me what steals your focus most. Is it the pinging? The people? The pressure you put on yourself? For me, it's the pinging. I really want to know.

Do You Need a Reboot?

Time to read: 87 seconds

TV fire in my "office"

This week is an invitation to reset, however and wherever you can. You tell me you're tired, overwhelmed, that there's a lot happening and a lot to do. You have important work, and important people to care for - customers, patients, family, neighbors, and clients.

I had the pleasure to spend last week at Rancho La Puerta, where I teach a couple of times a year. A friend invited me as her guest so I got to spend the week resting, reflecting, doing art, connecting with interesting people, exercising, and eating healthy food. The week was a complete system re-boot.

The purpose of a reboot is to refresh your mind, widen your perspective, and prepare you to return to daily life stronger and ready.

Although I highly recommend getting away, you can reboot right where you are without special equipment or getting on a plane.

Here are a few ideas to inspire your thinking:

• Close your eyes and sit quietly for 5 minutes. Do this now. If you put your fingers on your keyboard, everyone will think you are working.

• Stand up and walk around the building or the kitchen or the block (if it's not pouring snow like it is at our house). A change of scenery will change your perspective and invite fresh ideas.

• Light your fireplace. Or like us, your YouTube TV fire which I promise you is just as relaxing.

• Go to a different part of your town and eat at a restaurant you've never tried. You don't have to travel out of the country to have a fresh experience.

• Sleep. Do everything you can to get good sleep.

• Get a massage. Try a sensory deprivation tank. See an acupuncturist. Take a hot bath. Anything that gives you a few minutes of quiet, comfort, and sensory experience. (The needles are REALLY small.)

Then you open your eyes and return to life, work, and service refreshed and clear. Please email me and share with me how you reboot. I always love to hear from you. Really and truly.

Small Acts Of Kindness Matter

Time to read: 17 seconds

Mid-Century Sterling Bird Brooch

As Operation Metro Surge continues in our beloved city, I've noticed something as I go about daily life.

People are being extra kind.

I'm a transplant to Minnesota, and can attest that Minnesota-Nice is a real thing. We (They?) are genuinely nice people.

Lately, I've noticed people going out of their way to be kind. Here are some things I've observed this week (beyond the kindness of delivering food, showing up for our neighbors, and all the ways Minnesotans are giving generously):

• Letting people into traffic
• Giving other passengers hot tips to avoid the lines at the airport
• Stopping for pedestrians
• Talking to strangers
• Lots and lots of smiling
• Playing music on street corners

When the going gets tough, get kind.

Consider all the small ways you can show up in your workplace, family, and neighborhood with small acts of kindness. It takes zero effort and has a huge impact.

It's Been A Lot

Time to read: 5 seconds

Option 1: "Forget" to write my newsletter and write about making mistakes next week.

Option 2: Tell you the truth.

I chose Option 2. It's been a lot. Like a lot, a lot. I'm tired. I prefer to write when I feel like I have the creativity and brain space to say something meaningful or helpful or funny or useful. I just don't.

You don't have to worry about me. I'm ok. Just tired and taking a break again.

Love to all of you!

What's Your Split Screen?

Time to read: 5 seconds if you choose the 2-sentence option; 56 seconds if you read the whole thing

Candlelight vigil after the killing of Alex Pretti

The main message for today: Two things can be true at the same time. If that's all you need, feel free to stop reading here. If you want more stories and color, keep going.

When Renee Good was killed, I was with my daughter at the spa where I teach in Mexico. We were having a marvelous time in a place that creates the world I wish we had - human, kind, slow, healthy, connected, caring. In a place where people generally don't talk politics, Good's death was the main topic. Still, we ate dinner, made new friends, and went hiking. The experience was a strange split screen. One reality in front of me. Another reality was when I talked to my family and friends at home. Still another when I landed back in Minnesota.

My best friend and I had a TV date when the announcement came out that there would be candlelight vigils all over the city to honor Alex Pretti. We bundled up, took our grief and our candles, and headed out to the frigid intersection near my house. We sang and stood in community. Then we returned to the finale of The Summer I Turned Pretty. (You can't get more shallow - and fun! - than that.)

Two things can be true at the same time. You can lose someone and still enjoy a friend's birthday party. You can be disappointed about something at the office and enjoy your children that evening. You can grieve, protest, and support your neighbors and still watch shallow TV.

Actually, you must. You know from years of working that too much of anything will burn you out (too much work, too much horror, too much Christmas, too much giving, too much stress), and when you are burned out, you aren't able to show up with your gifts.

We need all our gifts. And the dog still needs a walk

Where Are We In This Story?

Time to read: 1 min, 16 seconds

Singing vigil in Minneapolis last weekend

Before I say anything about current events in Minnesota, here are a few important things for you to know.

• I am not a political pundit. Although I read extensively and listen to many experts, politics is not my area of expertise. Other people do this work well.
• I don't have answers. If I did, I'd be a political pundit. :-)
• My lens is personal responsibility, ownership, humans, and process. I help humans become more effective humans. To me, effective means connected, responsible, honest, transparent and kind (that is a short list).
• I believe in the possibility of world peace... if we humans would just get out of our own and each other's way. That's why I do this work.
• I have a lot to say. It's gonna take a few weeks.

I appreciate all of you who reached back to last week's newsletter with notes of solidarity, expressions of overwhelm, and questions. I'm going to take things in bite-sized pieces. Here is what I want to say today:

We are not at the end of this story.

We are still in the middle. We are in the middle of events in Minnesota, our nation, this administration, world history, and human existence. Part of (perhaps a big part) of this administration's current actions are to create despair and powerlessness. Or to create overwhelm so you can't pay attention to one.more.thing.

When it all feels like too much, overwhelm and despair follow. This is true in politics, work, and family life.

This is not the end. The story is being written every day by humans who stand sentry outside schools to protect students, drive their neighbors to work, protest brutality and aggression, and show up in their daily lives to tend, care, love, and spread joy. You are not powerless. You always have agency. No action, prayer, or connection is too small.

I've said this many times over the years of writing this newsletter. You matter. The energy you bring to your life and work matters. What you do matters. And all of this matters even more now.

Email me anytime. Many of you learned last week that I reply to every email, and sometimes you get a big download to your serious question. I'm always happy to hear from you.

Love to you!

Taking A Beat

Time to read: 15 seconds

An amazing quote and beautiful art at Rancho La Puerta in Mexico

I was teaching out of the country last week and came home to the tragedies that are unfolding in Minnesota.

Many people have asked me to share some wisdom. I'm still processing and thinking about what to say that hasn't already been said eloquently by many others.

I paused the final newsletter in the series about your career and will come back to it later. And I am listening and thinking and considering what to say in this moment in time.

I'll be back with more next week. As always, please email me and tell me how you are feeling and what questions you have. I always love to hear from you.