Week 4: Do You Have To Choose?

Time to read: 41 seconds

Ah, wonderful costume jewelry.

Yes, you always choose. If living well is something you get to create, then not choosing is also a choice, just often not a good one.

Most of us don't refuse to live intentionally. You just let the calendar decide. The inbox decides. The next obligation decides. Weeks pass. You were busy the whole time. And, do you feel well-used, or were you drifting?

Drift feels safe because it seems like you don't have to choose. When in fact, you are choosing to drift. The cost will come later, in regret, missed opportunity, chances not taken.

This week, pick one place where you've been drifting. Keep it simple. Choose one. A relationship on autopilot. A habit you fell into. A "someday" that's been someday for years.

You don't need a five-year plan. You need one choice, one action, done intentionally, today.

Next week: What to do when your values and your circumstances don't line up.

Know someone who would like a dose of optimism, positivity, and action this summer? They can sign up here.

Week 3: Was Your Day Worth It?

Time to read: 59 seconds

One thing I do with my wild and precious life is buy and sell beautiful things, mostly jewelry.

Last week I promised to talk about being"well-used." Here's what I mean.

A well-used life isn't one where nothing goes to waste, where every hour is optimized and every talent monetized. That's maximizing, not meaning. And honestly, this form of well-used is exhausting. (Believe me, I know.)

Being well-used means your days are in service of something that matters. Your effort, attention, and particular mix of skills and quirks are spent on things worth spending them on. Who measures that worth? YOU!

Some days that looks like showing up fully for someone who needs you. Other days it's the quiet satisfaction of work done carefully. In my world it's a coaching session where someone has an ah-ha, a team functions more effectively, connecting a beautiful 1950s necklace to its new person, or a conversation with my young adult children where they actually hear me. :-) Well-used is rarely dramatic. It is showing up, again, for the thing you've already decided matters.

When you drop into bed tonight, ask yourself: what did I spend myself on today? Was it worth it?

More on how to actually answer that question next week.

Week 2: How Will You LIVE?

Time to read: 46 seconds

1920s Camphor Glass Necklace. Think flappers and speakeasies. Yes, it's for sale.

This summer, I am talking about creating life…your life. In a complex and chaotic world, you are still the creator of your days, weeks, and years.

Last week, I talked about how the world you want to live in starts with you. Today, I'm taking that a step further. Fair warning: my father's death has made me philosophical. :-)

Death is certain. None of us will escape it. So, it behooves you to decide how you want to LIVE.

You have "one wild and precious life" (to quote Mary Oliver), and I think each of us gets to, actually, have a duty to, live well. How you define "live well" is based on your values, interests, and life situation.

Living well doesn't mean that everything is great all the time, that you always get what you want, or that life is always easy. It means finding your way through complexity with integrity, looking for slivers of joy and beauty, finding the good in people and situations, and feeling most days like you were well used.

Being "well-used" is next week's topic. Stay tuned.

It All Starts With YOU

Time to read:

Lilies from my garden

A few weeks ago, when I asked what keeps you up at night, overwhelmingly you answered, "the state of the world," "how to go about daily life when so much is going on," and "people no longer caring for each other."

First, I want to acknowledge that you are right. There is so much going on. It's a constant barrage of bad news, chaos, and reasons to despair.

And…I hope.

I believe in the power of humans. Humans get seduced by power, money, greed, and ego and justify terrible things to ourselves. That is not all we are.

The world you want starts with you. Each of us has a responsibility, a duty to put out into the world the energy and behavior you wish to see in other people and in our culture.

That means:

• Be kind, even when others are not.
• Take care of yourself so you have the energy to choose your behavior. Being tired leads to unconscious reactions which are often not helpful or productive.
• Actively find ways to serve the people around you in big and small ways. What do you have to share? What can you give? As an example, we have a cherry tree in our yard, and I invited folks from my Buy Nothing FB page to pick cherries. People brought their kids. A refugee family was so happy to have a taste of home. Sharing those cherries was not a big thing. And it breathed the energy of generosity and abundance I want to feed.
• Take responsibility for yourself. This is a big one that I will break down over a few weeks. You are the agent of your life. Make your choices accordingly.

This is a start to a bigger conversation. More to come....

Do You Worry If People Are Still Kind?

Time to read:

Beautiful flowers

A few weeks ago, when I asked you what you need this summer, many of you said you worry that people have lost the ability to be kind or care about each other. I plan to write about that A LOT because I have opinions. I always have opinions. :-)

When I wrote about my father's death last week, you all flooded me with love -handwritten notes, emails, texts, cards, and even more surprising, donations in honor of my father to the Lamu Center for Preventative Health (that's the link if you are so moved). Someone even sent me a rose bush.

Many of these kind expressions are from those of you I've never met. I'll grant that we "know" each other through this forum and email. And, if you worry that people have lost the ability to be kind, not in this group of 2000.

We are a micro community in a wider community, and even though what you see in the news shows a lot of crappy behavior, humans are programmed to be kind. You prove that every day.

And I will write about this more and the ways that you feed the world you want.

Rembemer That Left Turn?

Time to read: 60 seconds. 3 minutes if you read the obituary

This is my father, Alan Boyd.

Remember when I wrote about hard left turns? In the same week, my father became gravely ill and a friend was diagnosed with a terrible cancer. Then my father died a few days later. It's been an intense 10 days, to say the least. Hence, the silence.

I use the tools I talk about with you. Every day. I've learned a lot during this time:

• Stop. Just stop. I hit a wall and had to stop. I had to stop doing. I even had to stop thinking. I cleared my calendar so I could float around in my garden, walk my dogs, and rest. It's ok to admit when you have no capacity and stop.
• You are loved. My FB feed is filled with condolences from people in every corner of my life. Friends have shown up to help. Clients understood when I said I was taking a break. People get it. Everyone has challenges. We still know how to be human and care about one another.
• Live your life. Stop waiting. Life is too short not to live to the fullest.
• End well. My father had a full life and a beautiful death. He was surrounded by his family, friends, and music. Thanks to one of my clients, the Threshold Singers sang him home. If you'd like to read the obituary my mother, brother, and I wrote, it is here.

Life is a series of beginnings and endings. You can always begin again. And whenever it's time for something (job, relationship, life phase) to end, end well.

What To Do When Things Go Sideways

Vintage malachite and sterling necklace. Currently for sale!

You're walking along in your normal life when ka-pow! Something whacks you out of left field.

My life recently took a couple of hard left turns. Where there is before and after. When you know life will never be the same. I tell you this not to invite you to caretake me (no need; I'm good). I tell you this so you see that I understand the experience of life going upside down.

As many of you wrote to me, for all kinds of personal, professional, and political reasons, things feel topsy-turvy.

So, what do you do? That is my next series, starting today.

The first thing you do is hyperfocus. When your world feels chaotic and out of control, set your sights on two things:

1. Your doing: What are your priorities? Make those front and center, and let everything else go. Drop balls. Remove things from your life so you can do and be what you need to do and be. If you need to care for someone, make that #1. If you need to make doctor's appointments, do that. If you need to pursue an opportunity, charge forward. Your garden can wait. Those emails can wait. Your weekend plans can wait. Your vacation can be canceled. In some extreme situations, even that work project can wait.
2. Your being: Who do you want to be in this situation? How do you want to show up? For others and yourself. Anxious? A chaotic mess? A drama queen? Calm? Loving? Present? Connected?

Then choose accordingly. I am referring to emergency situations here, and the same principles apply to what has become our regular daily chaos (sigh, ugh). You choose who you will be, how you show up, and what you will do, no matter what is happening outside.

I'll talk more about this in the coming weeks. Stay tuned. And feel free to continue to send me your thoughts and questions.