You're Not Failing. You're Full.

Time to read: 1.15 minutes

This week's popular item is this vintage letter box. EVERYONE wanted it.

You are not behind. You are overwhelmed. There's a difference.

I want to talk about that feeling. It's the one that says there is too much, that you are too slow, that everyone else has it together, and you are the only one drowning in a to-do list that reproduces overnight like a rabbit.

The Sunday scaries. The mental tab that never closes. The moment someone asks, "How are you?" and you say "busy" because "overwhelmed" feels like too much to explain over coffee.

I want to offer you something before we go any further: you are not failing. You are full. Those are very different things.

Overwhelm doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It usually means you care about your work, your people, and your commitments. It means you said yes because things matter to you. That's not a character flaw.

But here's the thing: overwhelm is also a signal worth listening to. It's your mind and body tapping you on the shoulder saying, "Something has to give."

So let's give something. A few ideas:

• Write everything down. Every single thing in your head right now. Get it out of your brain and onto paper so you can see it clearly.
• Look at your list and ask: what on here did I say yes to that I should have said no to?
• Pick the three things that actually have to happen this week. The others will wait, or they won't, and either way, you will survive.
• Pick one thing to remove from the list. Even if that means disappointing someone.
• Tell someone you trust that you're overwhelmed. Not to fix it — just to put it in the sunshine and get some support.
• Drink some water. Take a walk. Stop for a minute to quiet the overwhelm.

Overwhelm passes. It always does. And on the other side, you will find yourself again — capable, clear, and probably a little more selective about what you say yes to.

Please email me and tell me what's overwhelming you right now. I always reply.

Give Yourself Grace

Time to read: 1 minute and a few seconds

This picture has nothing to do with anything. It's just something I like.

When I asked you what you need, I received many responses. I am going to work through your emails and address your questions one at a time. This week's question comes directly from a reader and has a 2-part answer.

"What I need most right now is how to give myself grace and how to handle the gazillion requests and tasks thrown at me every day. This includes focus and regaining control of my nervous system when it goes into overdrive."

Part 1 of this answer will address how to handle the gazillion requests. Part 2 will be managing your nervous system.

Do you have a gazillion requests or emails or tasks every week? Can you relate to this reader?

In our hyper connected, DM, email, text, Instagram world, people can contact you anytime, anywhere to ask for anything. Here are my best tips for managing the overload:

• Set clear boundaries. Decide when you will answer email and when you will not.
• Figure out which requests are urgent and which are important. Urgent does not always equal important. Focus on important unless urgent is truly urgent (like you will get fired if you don't reply ASAP).
• Turn off notifications so you are not constantly interrupted. Interruptions drain your mental energy.
• Manage the inflow of requests. Consider how to train the requesters. Create a process and communicate it clearly so everyone doesn't think you are on call just for them.
• You likely have more than you can accomplish in one day. Get comfortable with leaving loose ends so you can go home and enjoy other aspects of your life.

I hope this helps!

What To Do When You Feel Like You Can't Do Anything

Time to read: 1 second

My list of top line practices

Lately, I've talked with many clients about anxiety and exhaustion. It's year-end, and people are busy. Everyone is ready for a break.

Can you relate?

When you are overwhelmed, burned out, or you've gotten to the point where you can't imagine scheduling one.more.thing, here's what to do. (Credit for this idea goes to Liz Gilbert who was interviewed on Glennon Doyle's podcast, We Can Do Hard Things.)

Create a list of ten top-line behaviors you can turn to when you feel like you've got nothing left. This list is for low motivation. Sadness. Transition. Stress. Make a list of 10 things you know you can do easily.

Here are examples:

• organize your sock drawer
• meditate
• snuggle your dog
• knit
• read
• bake
• purge your pens of ones that don't work or ones you just don't like (I do this when I'm having trouble getting started on something)
• go for a walk
• call a friend

I keep my list on my phone and recommend that clients document their lists someplace easy to access. The whole point is you don't have to think about it. You simply look at the list and go. If you have to, you do the list for days until you find your mojo again.

I hope this helps.

One Easy Way To Get What You Want

Time to read: 56 seconds

New York!

In case your life is full this week, here's the punchline:

To get what you want, ask.

My daughter and I are headed to New York City for two weeks. She's doing an internship/shadow, and I am her roadie managing logistics and food. This trip happened because she sent an email asking for help, and the person responded with generosity beyond her wildest imagination.

I'm going to admit something here….I actually discouraged her from asking because I didn't want her to be a bother. (Notice what stops you from asking.) She did anyway, and she's off to the opportunity of a lifetime. (It's a good thing my teen daughter doesn't listen to me.)

So, go ahead. Bother the person. Ask. If you don't, the answer is certainly no.

When you ask, sometimes things don't work out or the answer is no. That's ok, too. It's not about the outcome, it's about opening space for possibilities.

So, go ahead and ask. I'd love to hear what you ask for, and what happens when you do.

Share my newsletter freely! Anyone can sign up here.

How're You Doing?

Time to read: Less than 1 minute.

I was talking to a colleague earlier this week, and she observed that there are, like, 16 crises going on at once. There's pandemic news. International news. The verdict in the Derek Chauvin trial. Feelings about returning to the office and school. Kids struggling academically. Kids struggling mentally. Then it's not like regular life events stop happening.

Wouldn't it be nice if you could say, "no thanks on the car trouble today. There's a pandemic."

I'm going to keep this short because it's a lot and your brain needs a rest. Here are two thoughts:

1. Have grace for yourself and others. You are carrying a lot. So are they. Be gentle and kind.
2. Take good care of yourself physically. Eat. Sleep. Rest. Walk. In an intense week, go back to the basics.

How are you doing? Feel free to email me. I always love hearing from you.

Love to you.

What Do You Need Right Now?

Time to read: 40 seconds

My clients are all over the map these days. On coaching calls there have been tears, anger, hope, and joy. Folks are being furloughed, staying afloat at work, settling into a new vision of summer, worrying about job searching, and finding new opportunities. The experience is not the same across industries and locations.

My newsletter has come out every week for four years. I typically know exactly what I want to write each week, and lately, I find it hard to know what to say. Being at a loss for words is not my MO (ask my husband).

So, I'm doing what I recommend clients do when they feel muddled. Get curious.

Will you share what your world is like right now?

• What are you thinking about?
• What are your current struggles?
• Are you working too much? Not enough?
• What are the unique challenges you're facing in these times?
• What would be helpful?

I always love to hear from you, especially now. Your situation is unique and I'd love to hear what's going on out there.

Email me at christina@boydsmithcoaching.com Let the emails rip!

With love,

Christina

Feeling Overwhelmed? Do This Instead...

Time to read: 1:08.57 - I guess I could just say 1:09 but 1:08.57 sounds more scientific.

Find the magic

You awake in the night, worried about the next day. You feel behind before your first cup of coffee. The more you do, the longer your to-do list seems to get. That's overwhelm. You're trying to fit 10 pounds of stuff into a 5 pound bag and feel powerless to do anything about it. Sound familiar?

There's good news.

Overwhelm is a false emotion, which means that overwhelm is something you throw up as a shield in front of your true emotions to "protect" yourself from the discomfort of your real feelings. The bad news is that overwhelm keeps you spinning with no end in sight.

There's an easy (although not always comfortable) way out. Here's the prescription to manage your overwhelm:

1. Feel the feelings. Underneath the false emotion of overwhelm usually lies a martyr, the one who feels like YOU have to do it all. The martyr feels unappreciated. Unrecognized. Put-upon. When you feel the martyr, look underneath. You might find rage, jealousy, maybe even loneliness. Peek behind the overwhelm to find your true feeling and feel them instead.
2. Leverage the other side of martyr. On the flip side of martyr is love and magic. When you feel like the world is on YOUR shoulders, look for what you love. Look for the best expression of you. Look for the magic you bring to the people in your life and do more of that instead.

Here's an example: Let's say you feel like you are always the one to make social arrangements. You invite people to lunch. You make the dinner reservations. You resent that your friends and colleagues never seem to initiate. (Hello, martyr!) Perhaps what you feel is lonely. Maybe even pissed that no one else makes things happen. Pause. Feel the loneliness and anger. Then lean into the love you feel for your friends and colleagues, the fun you have when hanging out with them, and your magic as a connector of people. Then you can give your gift freely without the burden of overwhelm.

Without all that stinky energy, you'll have more time and more fun. You'll likely get a lot more done, too.

In coming weeks, I'll talk about the false emotions of blame, self-pity, and guilt. By March, you'll be free!

It's an honor to be in your in-box each week. Have a great weekend!

With rebel love,

Christina

P.S. Know someone who suffers from overwhelm? Forward this newsletter them. They can sign up to join us here.

P.P.S. January and February are the perfect time to review 2019 and plan for 2020. Reach out if you'd like to explore an intentional plan for 2020.