I Learned An Important Lesson For You

Time to read: 1 min, 25 seconds

When the cat's away, the mouse gets tattoos.

Last week, my entire family was gone. One child is away at college, and my husband and other child were chowing their way through the Pacific Northwest on a boy's spring break trip.

I was home alone.

I had no clients, no other work and only a few obligations. As I settled into house projects and time with friends I realized, it's the first time in 20 years that I have had more than a few hours to myself, free of any obligations to others or any caretaking other than our pets. This was a week to myself in my own life, so not on vacation or at a training or teaching, speaking, or coaching out of town. 20 years!

The week was an incredible reconnection to who I am on my own, without the roles I play or the services I provide to others. I didn't know to miss the aspects of myself that haven't had a chance because I'm so full with everything and everybody.

I love my everything and everybody. I love coaching. I love my family. And it was eye-opening to see all the parts of me who are there, just beneath the surface, ready to play.

I didn't do anything special or extraordinary. I relished my life. House. Friends. Neighborhood. Pets. It was more nourishing than a week or two of vacation.

So what does this have to do with you?

• Your life, as it is now, is filled with fun and joy and things you love. Find the space to see and enjoy the things that are already there.
• More of you is available, right beneath the surface of the roles you play and the people you care about and for. Make room for you.
• Get your people out, even for a day or 2, so you have some space to breathe and connect to YOU.

If you're wondering, I was happy when my people returned. It's good without them. It's also good with them.

What To Do In a Tense Election?

Time to Read: Less than 1 minute.

The tool that is bringing me the most peace during this election. See why below.

Alert: If you're sick of the campaign, this email is not about politics but rather about powerful and aligned process intended to help you find peace during this election. Enjoy!

This election is hanging over life like a dark cloud. The division, the chaos, the misinformation….I hear from a lot of people that they wake up at night, fear the near future, and find that relationships with close family and friends, sometimes even spouses, are suffering across differences of opinion.

Can you relate?

Hearing these stories breaks my heart and for many months this summer and into early fall, I was at a loss about what to do. Of course, my work as a coach makes a difference and the way I raise my children matters. And as the election crept closer, I felt pulled to get involved. But how?

In 2018, I tried phone-banking. I HATED it. I was so angry at the process and the waste of my time that the poor young organizers doing the debrief were glad to see me go after all the "feedback" I offered. It wasn't pretty.

This year, one of my friends, who is like the angel on my shoulder, whispered over tea on my front steps, "try this" and introduced me to my new political home: deep canvassing.

Traditional political conversations involve facts and badgering and trying to convince others of your opinion. To me that process always feels intrusive, disrespectful, unwelcome, and disconnected. People feel used. I have felt used. (Insert feedback to young debriefer here.) As a result, we avoid uncomfortable conversations and feel progressively more distant, even from those we love most.

Deep canvassing involves everything that I know makes a difference in people's work and lives. The process requires you to:

• dig deep and be vulnerable
• manage your instinct to convince
• be curious and open
• listen
• connect

Deep canvassing starts from the premise that people matter. That their life experiences matter. That as the caller, you matter. And the belief that it is possible to reach across the divide to find that we have more in common than we think and to start to heal our nation.

(If you want to learn more about deep canvassing, here is an article from Rolling Stone and one from The Atlantic. There is also a fantastic podcast called "To See Each Other." In the first episode, you hear how a woman transformed from alienating her loved ones to healing her closest relationships.)

No matter who wins this election, the US needs healing to restore our union. In my humble opinion, the only way to do that is to listen to one another, bring empathy and curiosity, and become vulnerable for the sake of connection.

This email isn't about getting you on the phones for the last push of this election (although if you want to do that, you can sign up here.) It's about looking for the conversations you've been avoiding with family and friends. For the people you've stopped calling or who have stopped calling you. And to find a way to reach out to them. When you re-establish those connections in your personal life, they become part of the greater healing we so desperately need.

Deep canvassing gives me hope. It is helping me and many others get through this election cycle and anticipate the future with optimism.

I hope this is helpful. Please hit reply to this email and share what you think. I always love to hear from you.

Be well.

Christina

Feel Guilty About Your Joy?

Time to read: 45 seconds.

We're at my father-in-law's funeral. My father-in-law was a gentle, impactful community and business leader who died of Alzheimers a few weeks ago. Yesterday was the moving, Covid-designed funeral.

We're sad.

And we're having a great time in Austin. BBQ never tasted so good and evening drives full of new smells and new sites are refreshing my family's soul. We didn't realize until we landed at the airport how much we needed rest and a change of scenery and perspective.

Complexity

That's the name of the game.

Ease does not come from erasing discomfort through simple explanations and avoiding pain. Ease comes from (cliche warning) leaning in, knowing that you are resilient and can handle whatever you hear or whatever happens. Ease comes from increasing your ability to embrace complexity - that joy and grief, fun and rage, can all exist together.

If you have the opportunity to visit the site of George Floyd's murder, I recommend you go. It's a moving experience - t-shirt booths, food tents serving free hotdogs and pasta salad (the bacon broccoli one was some of the best pasta salad I've ever eaten... I digress), people singing, make-shift food banks, all mixed together with a beautiful mural and altars of flowers, kid's drawings, and reverence and grief for the tragedy that took place there.

The experience is complex: optimistic, sad, hopeful, joyful, generous, and forward thinking. The experience paints a picture of the world fueled by love, community, and complexity as opposed to violence and domination.

This quote came across my radar screen today and is the perfect addition to thinking about joy and complexity. In the midst of doing intense work in non-violence and reconciliation, Emma Jordan-Simpson, Executive Director of the Fellowship of Reconciliation, talks about how she takes care of herself.

"One of the things I do to take care of myself is that I protect joy. Not having good times is not an excuse not to be human, not to live and move and engage. Joy helps us do that. For me, joy is seeing the effort that people make to take care of one another. Joy is having incredibly fulfilling relationships with family, with friends, with neighbors. Joy is finding something to laugh about at the most ridiculous times. Joy is in our music. No one can take joy from us."

As you find your place in this pandemic and your role in racial justice, you have permission to have your joy. It's part of embracing increased complexity.

With love,

Christina

P.S. If you want to better understand the issues surrounding police reforms, this New York Times Daily podcast is worth the 25 minutes.

Peace! Now! And how to find it.

Estimated read time: 30 seconds. You just got a bonus minute to use for a simple pleasure!

Speaking of weird little processes. Crabapples!

You life is full. Many days, maybe most days, you run from meeting to meeting, checking your email and texts as you walk. Or your mind is full of your to-do list or what you will say to that person when you see them. Not to mention taking phone calls in your car (tisk, tisk). Stress. Busy-ness. Yikes!

When I worked for a big company our campus was huge. I was back and forth through the halls multiple times a day.

And then spring would arrive, and I would detour myself through a particular parking lot. There was the most glorious crabapple tree at the end of that parking lot. I would stop, stick my nose right into those blossoms and sniff. The marvelous smell of crabapple flowers was enough to propel me forward into even the most stressful meeting.

What's something you can easily do in a few seconds that will bring you a moment of peace and deep pleasure? Here are some ideas to get your little grey cells firing:

• leave the building to grab a cup of coffee
• stare out your window at the blue sky
• call a friend for a quick hello
• go for a little jaunt outside

With just a few seconds, you can find more peace.

I hope this helps!

Christina

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