Time to read: 1 minute, 35 seconds
So far, we've talked about how to prepare yourself and how to prepare your words for a difficult conversation.
Today is important…How do you start a hard conversation?
Your opening words are important in setting the tone and launching a productive conversation.
I often tell clients, you only need your first line and then trust yourself to handle whatever happens next.
Let's set up an example so I can give you a script…hmmmm…Let's say you have to give someone a hard performance review with no raise or promotion. Here's how to start:
- Prevent a blindside or waiting: Keep in mind that the other person may have no idea this is coming. You've been prepping for days, and they are coming in cold. A blindside doesn't generally go well. Nor does, "We have to talk. I'll set up time for next week" (which causes painful waiting and speculation). Even if they know it's coming, you want to be kind and respectful.
- Transparency: Lead with transparency and a heads-up. "What I'm about to say may be hard to hear" or "There are a lot of good things to talk about, and I'm going to begin with the hard parts.", Now the other person has a moment to set their expectations.
- Get straight to the point. Don't sugarcoat, delay the bad news, or try to cover it with the "good" stuff." It sounds like this: "You are not receiving a raise or promotion this year. I know you were hoping for more, and I want to outline the feedback we've received."
- Stop talking! This is the hard part. Give the person a minute to absorb the information. At this point, they can't hear anything you say so hold your words.
You have now opened the hard conversation. These same steps apply in personal contexts, too. ("What I'm about to say makes me sad. I can't come to your wedding." Close your mouth and wait! "This is going to be hard to hear. I'm not going to continue paying your rent." Close your mouth and wait!)
Ooooohhh…a Corporate Rebel cliffhanger.
Next week: What happens next?
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