The Best Advice for Getting Things Done

Time to read: 5 seconds

This is today's actual chair

Some days you feel it, and some days you don't. Ya know?

I'm the luckiest woman alive. My job is a perfect use of my gifts and gives me a sense of purpose and meaning. It's soooo good.

And today, I don't want to write this newsletter. I'm tired. I'm cold. I miss our new college student. I'm less than inspired which means writing will be like slogging through mud. I much prefer when the ideas flow onto the page like melted butter or gooey caramel or chocolate pudding…..see? I'm distracted.

Randomly, I remembered the Italian history PhD student who lived across the alley from me and my then boyfriend (now husband). He was completing a second history PhD since the one he did in Italy didn't qualify him for jobs in the US. When I started my dissertation I asked him for advice, expecting lofty productivity and self-care tips. Here's what he said:

"Stick your butt to your chair."

That was it. Getting your work done, especially when you're not feeling it, doesn't require fancy tricks or sexy strategies. It's as simple as showing up, being willing to do something, and then guess what often happens? You get over the hump and the work flows. Or it doesn't and you stick your butt to your chair again tomorrow.

I hope this helps.

Reach out anytime. I always love to hear from you. Email me here

What We're Getting Wrong. (And how to get it right.)

Time to read: Less than 1 minute

Vermont in the fall

If you pay attention to the news, even if you don't, you can't escape the level of vitriol and meanness that seems to pervade our national and international conversations. I'd share examples but the list is long, depressing, and you already know it.

Baked into the vitriol and meanness is a sense of "us" and "them," an insistence on winning for my side while their side must lose. We are all too familiar with win-lose, and it's exhausting and anxiety producing.

Here's the thing: There is no such thing as win-lose. There's no such thing as "us" and "them."

There's only us.

Our only options are win-win or lose-lose.

Working toward win-win requires reflection and willingness to embrace complexity, paradox, uncertainty, and things you don't understand. The desire to cling to simple solutions, universal "truth," and certainty leads to choices and attitudes that cause everyone to lose.

Years ago, when I taught college, I used a game with my Group Communication class. The goal was to get the most points. Teams would sabotage each other and scrape out a point only to lose it later until the play ended with no points for either team (lose-lose). The trick to the game was collaboration. If the teams worked together, both teams won unlimited points (win-win).

Before you despair that human nature is fundamentally flawed, here's the good news. You make a difference. You can move through your day looking for and creating win-win in big and small ways, and when you do that, you feed the collective attitude. Those choices matter. Here are a few ideas then please, run with your exploration of win-win:

• Tip generously.
• Let drivers merge in traffic (and wave at the drivers who let you in).
• At the office find ways to create or offer opportunities for others to shine.
• Acknowledge good work and kindness publicly and frequently.

It's never about the details of who got what or who deserves more. It's always about the energy, the 10,000 foot view, and the choices you make to nourish win-win rather than lose-lose.

That's how powerful you are.

How Will You Spend Your Life?

Time to read: 28 seconds

How we spend our days...

Have you ever found yourself saying something like this:

When ______ happens, then I'll _____?

When….

• I retire
• my children leave home
• my aging parents move into assisted living
• I get the promotion
• I lose 10 pounds

Then I'll….

• be happy
• start dating
• pursue my hobbies
• start a side gig
• do work that fulfills me

The things you think postpone having fun/doing meaningful work/being happy is never ending. Until you decide to stop waiting. Sure, when you have a full schedule of meetings or young children at home, your time and priorities are allocated differently than when you were single (cue: every blog I've ever written about choices), and it doesn't mean you have to put off what you want for some distant "someday."

One of my favorite quotes (from writer, Annie Dillard) is, "How we spend our days is how we spend our lives."

You can have more fun now. You can rekindle a hobby or start a new one anytime this week. You can take steps toward a side gig today. You can find fulfilling aspects of the job you have by looking around with new eyes.

What's one small step you can take today toward spending your life the way you want?

Feel Good Thursday

Time to read: Less than 1 minute

This is what being brilliant looks like.

I was talking with a client today. She has been asked to step into a big new role. It's a stretch, and she's ready. She also has feelings about the change and asked me why she's having these feelings.

I shared one of my favorite quotes with her. Marianne Williamson said (edited for length),

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be….Your playing small does not serve the world….We are all meant to shine…And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Consider this when you feel afraid and vulnerable: Who are you not to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?