You're Not Failing. You're Full.

Time to read: 1.15 minutes

This week's popular item is this vintage letter box. EVERYONE wanted it.

You are not behind. You are overwhelmed. There's a difference.

I want to talk about that feeling. It's the one that says there is too much, that you are too slow, that everyone else has it together, and you are the only one drowning in a to-do list that reproduces overnight like a rabbit.

The Sunday scaries. The mental tab that never closes. The moment someone asks, "How are you?" and you say "busy" because "overwhelmed" feels like too much to explain over coffee.

I want to offer you something before we go any further: you are not failing. You are full. Those are very different things.

Overwhelm doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It usually means you care about your work, your people, and your commitments. It means you said yes because things matter to you. That's not a character flaw.

But here's the thing: overwhelm is also a signal worth listening to. It's your mind and body tapping you on the shoulder saying, "Something has to give."

So let's give something. A few ideas:

• Write everything down. Every single thing in your head right now. Get it out of your brain and onto paper so you can see it clearly.
• Look at your list and ask: what on here did I say yes to that I should have said no to?
• Pick the three things that actually have to happen this week. The others will wait, or they won't, and either way, you will survive.
• Pick one thing to remove from the list. Even if that means disappointing someone.
• Tell someone you trust that you're overwhelmed. Not to fix it — just to put it in the sunshine and get some support.
• Drink some water. Take a walk. Stop for a minute to quiet the overwhelm.

Overwhelm passes. It always does. And on the other side, you will find yourself again — capable, clear, and probably a little more selective about what you say yes to.

Please email me and tell me what's overwhelming you right now. I always reply.

A Fabulous Client Story With A Lesson For YOU

Time to read: One little minute or less

A photo I like: Not worrying if the photo fits this newsletter = EASY

A client arrived at her coaching call this week bursting with excitement. She had been stuck on a BIG THING for years and in our last call I asked her, "what if there was an easy path through?"

The BIG THING was too big to tackle right away so she decided to practice making things easy on smaller things. Here's what she did and what happened when she asked herself, "what would make this easy?"

• She was stressed about saving money and did the easiest thing and opened a checking account. She adopted "save first." The whole process took two minutes, and she now feels powerful around her finances.
• She's a great cook and for a few weeks just didn't feel like cooking. Instead of the usual guilt and hand-wringing around why, she simply pulled up her 5 easiest recipes and ate them for 4 weeks. This freed her to put energy and time toward an exciting personal goal.

AND....as a result of building an easy muscle, she had a giant ah-ha around the BIG THING and is ready to find the easy way to that, too.

Her story was so inspiring, I asked for permission to share it with you.

Then reach out and tell me all about it. I always love to hear from you.

So, ask yourself about any situation that feels stressful or stuck in your life, "what would make this easy?"

Then reach out and tell me all about it. I always love to hear from you.

Tools For Your Daily Life

Time to read: 45 seconds

Time to choose a spot: 30 seconds

Actual time to chat: 30 minutes (You can choose a time to talk here).

Hello Rebels!

A participant of last year's Clarity U group coaching program lives in a part of the country that has been especially hard hit by recent events. I called her a few weeks ago to check on her and her family. In the course of our conversation (she is doing fine), I asked if she uses her Clarity U strategies.

She laughed and was like, "Yeah. Everyday. I'll send you a picture." Then she sent me the above photo of her desk, covered in tools from Clarity U.

She said she uses the lessons she learned in Clarity U to calm herself when she feels stress. She uses her tools to de-escalate tension and conflict at work. She's even a calmer mother, laughing when she explained that the desk in the photo was soon going to be returned to a deer processing table for the hunters in her family. She's calmer, happier, and more productive. In her words,

"When I need to re-center, I look down, take a breath and feel like I’m safe."

That's the point of Clarity U - to fill your toolbox with actionable strategies that will make a difference every.single.day. In Clarity U, you will clean out the junk (old beliefs and habits) that hold you back and clear the path to design your future. You will be challenged and uplifted.

One thing is certain, the future is coming. (Winter is coming too, but that's a different reference.) There is no returning to the "normal" we had before. The national and international mood crackles with change. Now is the perfect time to do the work to be ready to embrace and create whatever happens next for you, your community, and the world.

Intrigued? Want to know more? Everyone who joins spends a little time with me sharing what's going on for you, strategizing solutions, and asking questions. Choose a time to talk on my personal calendar. Spots fill fast so I added a bunch more.

If you want to read about Clarity U, click here for a detailed information page. The early bird price ends on October 9 so let's talk before then.

Those of you who know me know that hopping on the phone won't land you in a weird sales vortex. These conversations are authentic and connected. My goal is to help you figure out your next step - Clarity U or not.

I look forward to connecting. Choose a time here.

In the words of another participant:

"Working with Clarity U gave me insights and tools that I use daily. This work has been more valuable than a lifetime of therapy. (And a lot more fun.) I wish I had done it 20 years ago. Christina and Anne are insightful and honest and two of the warmest and most encouraging people I have ever had the honor to know." E.G.

Take advantage of the early bird price by joining by or before October 9.

I can't wait to talk.

Christina

P.S. If you're sitting on the sidelines wondering if you should check out Clarity U, the answer is YES. Choose a time to talk here.

P.P.S. Know someone who is ready to take the leap? Please forward this email to them.

How Are You Coping?

Time to read: 2 minutes if you read both PSes.

Yup - I've seen all these seasons of the Bachelor(ette)

You don't need me to remind you of all the ways that things are stressful right now. Some days, the stress is so all-encompassing that it's hard to face the day. We are in survival mode - quite literally - and when in survival mode, you figure out how to cope.

Some coping is good.

Some coping is bad.

What are good and bad strategies, you may ask?

I have the most frustrating coach-y sort of answer...

It depends.

We can probably agree that violence against others is a bad coping strategy and finding homes for kittens is good. What about all the others like wine? TV? Cake? Work?

The answer goes back to last week's newsletter - know thyself.

Let's take my favorite coping strategy. My 16-year-old and I are on our 12th season of The Bachelor(ette). That's a lot of group dates, rose ceremonies and interpersonal drama. If you had suggested a year ago that The Bachelor would feature heavily in my mental health, I would have laughed.

To stay sane these days, something mindless and absorbing is not only fun, it's crucial. You can't consume a steady diet of politics and coronavirus news and stay mentally healthy. Mental breaks are vital. As a mental vacation, The Bachelor = good coping.

If I start to disappear into stupid TV to the exclusion of daily activities or you start to use wine to numb the discomfort of these hard times or if overworking is masking your feelings, then we've crossed into bad coping. Only you can know where that line is (that's the "it depends" part).

A glass of wine, TV time, and productive work may be exactly what you need to survive these times. Then know when your excellent coping has crossed into disappearing, numbing and denial and pull yourself back.

The Corporate Rebel coaching group is the best kind of coping. Fantastic colleagues. Consistent support. A step-by-step process to get to know yourself so you can powerfully navigate this moment in history and come out the other side ready for what's next.

Clarity U, will start in October. This program opens once a year, and I'd love to chat with you about how Clarity U will support and grow where you are now and where you want to go.

Sign up here for a 30-minute chat.

We'll talk about what's going on for you, what you need, and whether Clarity U is a good next step for where you are headed. For any of you who have worked with me, you know this initial conversation is casual, fun and productive whether you decide to join or not.

Here are some words from last year's participants:

"Doing this work has been more valuable than a lifetime of therapy. (And a lot more fun.)" - E.G.

"The Clarity U program has helped me in ways I didn't realize were possible." - A.C.

"I am so glad I participated in this program, it has changed me in ways I never expected!" - A.R.

I can't wait to connect!

Christina

P.S. Want to talk about Clarity U? Choose a time here for us to talk about what's going on in your life and career and how Clarity U will help you use the next few months to build your capacity for what's next.

P.P.S. Here's more information. Let's talk!

Do you relate to any of these statements?

• Life feels chaotic and uncertain, and you feel overwhelmed and depleted.
• You make decisions from a place of fear instead of empowered choice, constantly second guessing yourself.
• You’re simultaneously unproductive and working more than you ever have.
• The ineffective patterns that have held you back for years have intensified, showing up in work dynamics and personal relationships.
• You’re reaching for ways to get your life and work back in control and not sure how or what to do.

What's in it for you? Starting in October you will learn to...

• Shake off negative patterns of thinking and behaving so you can stop holding yourself back. Your life will be easier and work more fulfilling during this stressful time and into the future.
• Gracefully navigate uncertainty so you are confident in your ability to handle change and instability.
• Ground yourself physically and spiritually to allow radical transformation so you can stand steady in the midst of chaos.
• Wield your new, portable Toolbox of Skills so you're ready to take action, make choices, and be in control of your career and life.
• Get clear about who you are and what you want, and bravely take action to make your goals real.

Is your "mental load" crushing you?

When I awoke at 2:30 this morning, the first thing I thought was, "^%&%$, why am I not asleep?" The second thing I thought was, "Yay! I have a topic for my newsletter." So I got up and got to work (because sleep was just not going to happen.)

The first thing I noticed in those wee hours is that I was strung out. Heart pounding, mind racing, wide awake. I wasn't emotional or freaking out about anything, just jacked up and stimulated in a not so good way. As I got to work and tried to put some organization to what was happening, I flashed back to a summer patio conversation with a jacked up working mom. She described her frustration over what she called her "mental load." Ding! Ding! Ding! Yup, that's exactly what was happening this morning.

People tell me that they lose sleep over their bursting to-do lists and constant running around.

Yes, those to-dos are real.

And something else is going on. It's not just the to-do list that creates the stress. Keeping track of and remembering what needs to be done is what puts you over the edge. Let me show you what I mean:

Here's a partial list of my mental load. See if you relate, Jenntest. Your assignment is to replace my list with your own mental load then read to the end to discover some solutions.

• Make sure the dog gets her daily medicine.
• Children's high school applications including deadlines, recommendation letters, and thoughtful essays. Deal with their desire to play instead.
• Plan meals. Plan when to cook meals. Actually cook meals.
• Make list for upcoming international family trip.
• Write and review copy and graphics for upcoming big project. Deal with the fact that business coach doesn't like the graphics.
• Keep track of and follow-up on business insurance requirements for a corporate master services agreement.
• Help son remember to talk to the teacher and actually re-take his science quiz.
• As the chair of the board, track ahead 5 steps to make sure people in the organization don't freak out over some tricky politics and personalities.
• About a thousand other details and things to remember that wake me up running all crazy at 2:30 am.

I imagine that you have a similar list, and that sometimes your mental load gets the better of you as mine did this morning. And, here are solutions that you can implement in a few short minutes to bring more calm to your mind and space to your day:

1. Release the martyr. Recognize the tendency to believe that all the weight has to be on you. (I don't relate to that martyr syndrome at all.)
2. Stop cold turkey. (Too bad that my coach doesn't like the graphics. I love them. Tell him to pipe down and move on. I love you, George!)
3. Share the love load. A nuance to sharing the love is delegate to people who will actually follow through so you can remove the item from your mental load. (Husband is handling the metrics quiz. Son is reliable to make is own lunch but not yet reliable to push through all the great socializing at school to remember to talk to the teacher.)
4. Outsource. Outsource whatever you can. For free or for money. Hire help (assistants, cleaners, chefs - yeah, dare to dream). If you can't hire it, get your family to do it. Partners can become responsible for birthday parties. Kids can make their own lunches. I've even heard they can learn to cook dinners.)

Feel free to email me at christina@boydsmithcoaching.com and tell me about your mental load or your magic strategy for resolving it. I could use the advice.

With rebel love,

Christina

P.S. I have been working in a big project that will be announced next week. It is a direct response to things I hear like, "I can't possibly make that change," "I'm too old to pivot," "my ideas are too weird to work." A huge dose of inspiration and motivation for your career is coming soon. Stay tuned!

Having an Intense Week? 3 Things to Help You Survive (And Maybe Thrive)

While you are reading this newsletter, I am at the Deepak Chopra Center for a week-long meditation and yoga retreat that I gave my husband for his 50th birthday. (Oh, how convenient. It's a present for me, too!) If you take your vacation time (and if you don't, we need to talk), you know that the week prior to said vacation can be particularly intense while you make sure everyone has what they need in your absence and to set yourself up for an easy re-entry.

Other times can be intense, too, like when you launch a new product or implement a system change or any number of special corporate fire drills. Weeks like this can be frustrating and hard to get through, but they don't have to be.

Here are three tips to dealing with a particularly intense week:

1. Be conscious and acknowledge that you are entering an intense week.That way, your body and mind know what you're dealing with, and you don't grunt through the week resisting and being annoyed at how busy you are. Being conscious enables you to focus, do what you have to do, and move efficiently to the next thing with clean and clear energy.
    
2. Find small moments to refresh. In an intense week, your spinning class might go out the window or you don't have time to cook. And, you can absolutely find 5 minutes to be quiet at your desk, step outside for a bit of sunshine, relish your morning shower, or grab quick cup of coffee with a colleague. Eat lunch! Take care of the physical and mental machine so it can work for you.
    
3. Keep the end in sight. Imagine the beach, picture the martini in your hand, anticipate the celebration at the end of the big project, or hold onto the plan for a lovely dinner with friends over the weekend. When you can see the end and it's soooo pretty (even if it's a tiny bit pretty), you are more motivated to do that next thing. And the next one. And the next one.

Of course, if all your weeks are intense and stressful, that's a different conversation. (Say hello to saying no, self care, and prioritizing). That much intensity is not sustainable over the long-term.

Here's to thriving during an intense week!

OM!

Christina
 

2 Secrets to Boost Your Success in Conflict

Estimated read time: 2 minutes.

Avoid conflict! Get both! (Ignore my messy bed.)

I hear from my clients that conflict makes their stomachs hurt or makes them want to pretend they never saw it in the first place.

Conflict? What conflict? Did you see conflict around here?

Among many weird things about me, one is that I LOVE conflict (so much so that I used to volunteer as a mediator in small claims court).

Are you on the LOVE it or HATE it end of conflict?

Here's some reasons I love conflict: There's creativity in conflict. There's heat. Conflict leads to cleared air, closer relationships, and more trust. Even if conflict causes separation, there's clarity in the dissolution. You're clear as you walk away and not stuck for years making up stories about what happened.

All this only works if conflict gets handled openly and strategically. Avoiding conflict isn't going to lead to more trust even though through your closed eyes and earnest prayers, you wish it would.

Here are two, actually, it ended up being three, easy to implement strategies to help turn conflict into something that works for you:

1. Shift your mindset about conflict. Start to see the creative power in disagreement. See the opportunities for ideas to get bigger and for you to learn about yourself.
2. Prioritize your relationships. When your relationships are on solid ground, they can withstand conflict. Even big conflict.
3. Find your places of alignment. Every fiber of your being in conflict wants to focus on the disagreement and on being right. (Notice the word is alignment, not agreement). Here's a light-hearted example to illustrate the point:

Say that you want to get a cat and your family wants to get a dog. Very quickly, you can end up in your respective corners taking a stand for CAT! DOG! Instead, experiment with finding where you share alignment - like having a family pet, wanting something to snuggle, maybe having a pet that feels easy to your family. From there it's easier to navigate toward a mutually acceptable solution.

Conflict is creative. Really and truly. Give these tips a try and let me know what happens!

I hope this helps.

Christina

P.S. If you know someone who would like to receive this newsletter, they can sign-up for The Corporate Rebel Video Podcast and Newsletter HERE.