Time to read: 1.36 minutes
During a recent group workshop, a leader worried about all the things she'll feel obligated to do as things open up. She observed, "the pandemic gave me a good excuse to say no to lots of things."
Try on a few examples:
- You could say no to online cocktails with that group of friends, because you were "all Zoomed out."
- You could decide not to attend the expensive and far-away family vacation you don't enjoy much anyway because you're "not ready to travel yet."
- You could skip the online after hours work happy hour, because your kids "need help with online school."
- You could have a holiday with just your family because "it didn't feel safe yet" to host other people.
Of course, safety and exhaustion were real. And, if you make an honest assessment, you made time for the people and activities you care about the most. You just didn't make space for all the people and activities you did pre-pandemic.
Here's the truth: You don't need the cover of the pandemic to say no to those friends or that vacation or after hours happy hour. You can simply say no.
I recommended to the leader that she consider giving up obligation as a pandemic gift to herself.
Of course, you sometimes have to visit people you don't want to visit and do things you don't want to do. Instead of dragging yourself through those things with resentment and resistance, anchor yourself to your values (like love, connection, family) and keep those in mind as you delight in coffee with a boring relative.
And, be honest with yourself. If you avoided it or them during the pandemic and those activities and relationships don't nourish you now, let them go.
Drop obligation. Obligation is sooo 2019.
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I hope this helps.