Time to read: maybe 2 minutes?
Hello Rebels!
Imagine you have a boss who sends emails on weekends. Or you volunteer for something and scope creep turns the one thing into 15 things that dominate your life. At this point, I hear clients say, "help me learn to set some boundaries."
Boundaries. Bleh.
Here's why:
Boundaries are inherently about a response to something outside yourself. The frame of reference is the thing - the boss, the volunteer job, the needy relative. Boundaries are about creating barriers, resistance, and building up defenses to deflect the intrusion. When you are operating in resistance to or in response to something, the something maintains the power and you block and tackle your way through. What I hate about this concept is that it robs you of your power and agency.
Try this on instead:
What if instead of boundaries, you have ownership?
You are the creator of your life and work. You make the choices. You get to decide what fits into your daily life and your vision of your future. Instead of blocking and tackling, let your purpose, energy and preferences drive what you will and won't do. You don't owe anyone a justification and your choices are simply that, your choices.
Here's how ownership could look:
- Your boss sends emails on the weekend. That's your boss's choice. If you don't want to email on the weekends, let your boss know that he can expect a reply on Monday. Simple. Clean. Clear. You can also decide to reply on the weekend if you'd like. The choice is yours, and simply own whatever you choose without complaining about your boss emailing on the weekend. (Hint: The complaining is a waste of your weekend.)
- You volunteer and the role grows and dominates your life. Decide the best use of your gifts. You are not obligated to say yes to 15 more things because you said yes to one. Choose to say yes or no and whatever you choose, own it.
Ownership requires you to:
- know what you want and take responsibility for it own your gifts, purpose and energy and make clear decisions about how to use them
- let go of the feeling that everything is on your shoulders be transparent and clear in your communication
Ultimately, ownership is clean, clear, simple and liberating.
Try on this perspective change and let me know what you think. I always love to hear from you.