Do You Dread Bad News?

My little bunnies many years ago.

When you apply for a new job, go for a promotion or put your hat into the ring for something you really, really, want, do you lie awake at night worrying, "What if I get bad news?"

I'm in this exact spot, and this week I realized there may be no such thing as bad news. Wouldn't that be awesome? Here's what I mean...

My daughter is heading to high school next year, and my son has decided to consider joining her at a new school. This means they have applied to a number of places, and we have waited MONTHS to find out if they are admitted. We find out this week. (I'm doing lots of yoga and meditation to stay calm as the minutes tick by.)

Yesterday a friend commented that she hopes we don't get the "bad letter." When I heard those words, something in me clicked and my nerves calmed the heck down.

There really is no possible "bad letter" that could arrive this week. They will either be admitted or they won't. You will either get the job or you won't. Those are the simple facts. It's the story that you make up about the facts that causes the late-night worrying. Try these on:

"If I don't get the promotion, it's because I'm not respected by senior management."

"If I don't get this job, it was my last chance and my career will stall, and I'll eventually be homeless."

"If my kids don't get into this school, then…. what?….Their lives are over? They are destined for a horrible high school experience? Their future is in jeopardy?"

Can you see how ridiculous this thinking is?

The arrival of supposed "bad" news, is simply the arrival of additional information. And with that information you make your next choice. Do you stay at the company or move on? Do you do something different in your job search or try again? Do you retool your skills so you are better qualified next time?

The fact of the matter is that things always turn out. Something always results, and you are always ready to handle whatever it is, even if it's painful. My children will go to high school. You will have opportunities if you want them. They are growing into amazing people. You are an amazing person. That's what matters.

So, you (and I) can let go of the fear of the "bad" letter and know that all you have to do is be ready to make your next move.

So simple.

With rebel love,

Christina

P.S. I'd love it if you'd share this post with your colleagues, friends and family. Word of mouth is the best way to spread good stuff. Your friends can sign up here to get the a weekly dose of insight, wisdom, and good humor to make them happier and more fulfilled at work (and in life).

Do You Hate It When People Tell You How You Feel?

Time to read: 1 little minute and 15 tiny seconds

My corporate campsite this week.

Do you hate it when people tell you how you feel?

Let me begin with a little story then tell you what to do when someone inaccurately insists you must be feeling something you are not.

I'm at a client site this week doing 2 intense days of back to back private coaching for a big corporation followed by a third day of team building sessions. When I return home, I head to another big corporation to coach all day in their women's leadership program. When I tell people about my week, they say, "that must be exhausting!",

When I hear that, I'm like, "hmmmmm….," or I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed because other people's opinions can muddy the water and make it hard to listen to your own feelings and trust your own experience. With their suggestion, you might start to wonder, "Am I exhausted? Maybe I should be."

By becoming aware when other people are imposing how you should feel, you can commit to listen to and trust how you actually feel.

Here's how to do that:

1. Check in with yourself. When you hear a suggestion for how you should feel, use it as a reminder to pause and check in. How are you feeling? Is there something you need to express, process alone, or adjust? What will get you on track with where you want to be?
2. Pay attention to the stories you tell yourself. Are you telling stories that are empowering or disempowering? Is telling yourself that you are exhausted or overwhelmed enabling you to be your best self and do your best work or is it sapping your energy?
3. Choose your feelings. You get to decide if you are exhausted, overwhelmed or frustrated. The circumstances don't dictate your feelings, and other people's suggestions certainly don't. It is true that I may be tired when I get on the plane to go home, and while doing the work, I choose to be energized and inspired by my clients.
4. Clarify. If you want to, you can clarify how you really feel to the person who is asking. Assume they care about you and had the best of intentions when they made their comment. Something like, "actually, I love these clients and get in the zone when I do back-to-back coaching."
5. Get curious. If you notice yourself "suggesting" feelings to others, get curious. Instead of telling them how they feel, ask, "How do you feel about that?" You might be surprised by what you learn and amused to see the assumptions you make, too.

I hope this helps!

Christina

P.S. Are there people to whom you'd like to give a big, fat hint? Use this email to tell them to stop suggesting how you should feel! They can join to receive this newsletter right here.

Do You Gossip? 4 Things To Do Instead

Time to read: 1:11.15 minutes

Harry Potter was a close as I could come to mini-figures dressed for work.

Office gossip is an international sport. Talking about other people is as common as water coolers, cheap coffee, and windowless conference rooms. Gossip breeds mistrust. If someone is willing to gossip with you, there's a very good chance, they will also be glad to gossip about you.

I had a recent ah-ha about gossip in my own life. I ran into an old friend who I hadn't seen in a while. We were casually catching up when I happened to mention something that sparked her desire to complain about an organization to which we both belong. Luckily, we didn't have time to continue the conversation, and she walked way with the promise to call for a tea date.

After we parted, I realized I was tempted to gossip because what I wanted was true connection with her. Colluding and creating an unpleasant dynamic that would, frankly, leave me feeling like crap, was the price I have been willing to pay for connection in the past. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks, and I decided then and there that I would no longer let gossip and collusion hijack real connection.

Does using gossip as a tool for connection ring familiar to you?

Here are 4 things you can do to stop the gossip and go for the real connection instead:

1. Be aware of how you feel when you succumb to gossip. Do you feel inspired and connected or dirty and sad (or something else completely)?
2. Openly commit to stopping the gossip and collusion. Tell your friends and colleagues your commitment and recruit them to help you stick to it.
3. Find points of real connection with others and talk about those things: common projects, shared interests, different interests, and current events. In my corporate days, we had a tradition of bringing funny or poignant stories from the radio as topics during lunch.
4. Share you areas of personal and professional growth and recruit your friends and colleagues to hold you accountable to help you grow. Talking about yourself is waaaay more fun than talking about others any day.

May these suggestions bring you the real connection you crave.

With rebel love,

Christina

P.S. As always, if you like what you see in the Corporate Rebel, please share the love with your colleagues. They can join our merry band of rebels right here.

Do You Still Believe You Can Have It All?

Time to read: one and a half minutes

This is central to my brand.

Hello Rebels!

I came of age in the era when the message to young women was, "You can have it all." You can be a mom, hold down a fabulous, meaningful job, make contributions in your community, and still make it to yoga class. (Oh, and you can be hot in the bedroom and cook great meals, too.) I really believed it.

Then life happened. I had the fabulous job, the two kids, the great partner, the house, and a couple of vacations a year. I discovered as my children got older, things got harder. I was surprised to discover that they needed me more, not less as they aged out of babyhood. And now, as young teens, my presence as a parent is needed even more. These realizations and my own desire to be present for my children, has required me to make professional sacrifices - to leave a lucrative corporate job and now, to manage the amount of work I do at any one time for my business.

Recently, at a corporate gig that I do every year, I was reminded of this article entitled "Why Women Still Can't Have it All." (My husband pointed out that no one can have it all, even men. Yes, very true. Thank you, honey.)

This article is smart. Smarter than I'll ever be. If you are a woman, if you love women, if you're a mother or you ever had a mother, it's a great read.

One thing that struck me in this article is the way the author talks about how high-powered professional women have downplayed or outright hidden, the importance of their family priorities in order to maintain an image as a "professional." The author and many other women leaders challenge the notion that professionals - both women and men - have to hide when they leave the office early for a baseball game or to take a child to the doctor.

I realized that I, in many ways, have also subscribed to hiding domestic life in order to appear "professional" and like a player in the coaching and entrepreneurial space. So, today, I am going to out myself, and I invite you to do the same by either replying directly to this email or posting your thoughts on the Corporate Rebel HQ Facebook page. I'd love for us to celebrate together all the great hobbies and connections that make you a whole and frankly, more interesting professional.

Through openly celebrating all aspects of yourself, you are modeling how to make work a kinder, more human place.

Here's my short list:

1. I drive my children to and from school just about every day, and I schedule work around being able to do that.
2. My favorite activity is baking with my children. We are a powerhouse of cookies, muffins, and waffles.
3. I love working, and my favorite part of my day is picking up my children at school.
4. Our family eats dinner together just about every night.
5. When it's not freezing outside, I love to walk my dog in the evening.

Why am I telling you all this? Because every part of you is important and contributes to making you successful and happy. All aspects of you are welcome at work and modeling that the "personal is professional" makes for more human workplaces.

Here's to all parts of YOU!

Christina

P.S. Do you love the Corporate Rebel? Share it with your friends. They can join our merry little band of corporate rebels here!

P.P.S. The author's husband (of the article reference above) wrote a great follow-on to "Why Women Still Can't Have it All" called "Why I Put My Wife's Career First." You'll enjoy it. Click here.