Time to read: Less than 2. 5 minutes
Guilty Dog
Last week, I promised you that we would deal with false emotions for the month of February.
Today is GUILT day! Yaaaaaaay!
You know guilt. You feel guilty when you don't call your mother enough. You feel guilty when you say, "let's get together for lunch," and then you never call. You feel guilty when you say no to a project, and it lands on your colleague's plate.
Like overwhelm from last week, guilt is a false emotion.
I'm going to give it to you straight.
Guilt is a shield you put up to make yourself feel like you're doing something when you aren't. If you feel guilty about not visiting your parents more often, then you're doing something about not visiting them, right?
Nope.
Nice try.
Like all false emotions, look underneath to see what's really going on.
- Identify your actual feelings. Hint: Those will be the uncomfortable feelings you are trying to avoid. Under guilt is typically remorse or anger.
- Feel the feelings. I'll say this every week. Feel the remorse or anger so you can clear the path, let the guilt go, and get clear about the truth in your situation.
- Take action from the truth. Once you feel the remorse or anger, you can decide if you want to visit your parents or invite that friend to lunch or clean things up with your colleague who got the project. You'll be clear.
Here's an example so you can see how this works: Let's say you never get together with some old friends, and you feel guilty every time you say no to their invitations. First, identify your true feelings. You might feel remorse that you actually don't want to get together with these friends anymore. Or remorse that you've grown apart from them as your lives have taken different directions. Allow yourself your sadness, loss and remorse.
Once you've cleared the feelings, then you can decide what to do. Maybe it's time to say goodbye. Maybe you need to redesign your relationship with them. Now that you have a baby, you're just not interested in hanging out at the bar anymore. Perhaps there's a new way to hang out together. Maybe there's one person you want to see and you're done with the others. Double down on that one friendship instead.
See how this works?
Coming soon: blame and self-pity.
So fun.
Remember: Getting honest with yourself about the shield of false emotions will liberate you! It's worth the effort to build your awareness and feel your feelings.
It's an honor to be in your in-box each week. Have a great weekend!
With rebel love,
Christina
P.S. Know someone who suffers from guilt? Oh yes. This is a popular one. Forward this newsletter them. They can sign up to join us here.
P.P.S. January and February are the perfect time to review 2019 and plan for 2020. Reach out if you'd like to explore an intentional plan for 2020.