Feel Guilty About Your Joy?

Time to read: 45 seconds.

We're at my father-in-law's funeral. My father-in-law was a gentle, impactful community and business leader who died of Alzheimers a few weeks ago. Yesterday was the moving, Covid-designed funeral.

We're sad.

And we're having a great time in Austin. BBQ never tasted so good and evening drives full of new smells and new sites are refreshing my family's soul. We didn't realize until we landed at the airport how much we needed rest and a change of scenery and perspective.

Complexity

That's the name of the game.

Ease does not come from erasing discomfort through simple explanations and avoiding pain. Ease comes from (cliche warning) leaning in, knowing that you are resilient and can handle whatever you hear or whatever happens. Ease comes from increasing your ability to embrace complexity - that joy and grief, fun and rage, can all exist together.

If you have the opportunity to visit the site of George Floyd's murder, I recommend you go. It's a moving experience - t-shirt booths, food tents serving free hotdogs and pasta salad (the bacon broccoli one was some of the best pasta salad I've ever eaten... I digress), people singing, make-shift food banks, all mixed together with a beautiful mural and altars of flowers, kid's drawings, and reverence and grief for the tragedy that took place there.

The experience is complex: optimistic, sad, hopeful, joyful, generous, and forward thinking. The experience paints a picture of the world fueled by love, community, and complexity as opposed to violence and domination.

This quote came across my radar screen today and is the perfect addition to thinking about joy and complexity. In the midst of doing intense work in non-violence and reconciliation, Emma Jordan-Simpson, Executive Director of the Fellowship of Reconciliation, talks about how she takes care of herself.

"One of the things I do to take care of myself is that I protect joy. Not having good times is not an excuse not to be human, not to live and move and engage. Joy helps us do that. For me, joy is seeing the effort that people make to take care of one another. Joy is having incredibly fulfilling relationships with family, with friends, with neighbors. Joy is finding something to laugh about at the most ridiculous times. Joy is in our music. No one can take joy from us."

As you find your place in this pandemic and your role in racial justice, you have permission to have your joy. It's part of embracing increased complexity.

With love,

Christina

P.S. If you want to better understand the issues surrounding police reforms, this New York Times Daily podcast is worth the 25 minutes.

A Very Short List of Resources to Help You In These Times

Time to read: 10 seconds. Following the links: Life-changing.

We're going super short today. I don't know about you…I'm tired and listening and processing and feeling.

I read and listen to a lot of podcasts. My friends and family count on me to recommend only the most impactful. So, here is a very short list of my best recommendations for this moment in time.

If you are overwhelmed by where to start in the conversation about structural racism, pay attention to this man. Read his book. Read his articles. I've linked to his most recent article in The Atlantic. Then head out to Facebook and other places on social media. Many black people and people of color are generously offering their insight and wisdom.

If you want to process at the deepest levels, what it means to be human, listen to this podcast.

And even better, Brene Brown (the podcaster) will be interviewing Ibram X Kendi (the author) in an upcoming episode. Two great people who go great together. It's a win-win.

Finally, if you are wondering how to help, consider giving to any of these organizations. There are lots of good people doing good work out there.

I hope this helps.

Christina

Decision Fatigue Is a Real Thing. What To Do About It.

Time to read: 45 seconds

Now that strict stay-at-home orders are lifted, the number of decisions you have to make each day has grown exponentially. We were all (mostly) playing by the same rules in March and April which made things easier or at least, clear.

Making decisions taxes your brain leaving you drained and exhausted.

Every.Little.Thing.Feels.Like.A.Slog.

• Do you let your child see friends in person when you're confident they won't social distance?
• Is it ok to hang out with friends in your backyard? What if they have to use the bathroom?
• Should you travel? Should you fly? Drive?
• Can you see your parents again?
• Is it safe to go to the grocery store? Use a public restroom?
• What will you do all summer now that every plan is cancelled?

I've had days where I tell my husband not to ask me another question. Even a simple one. I just don't have the capacity to make one more decision. Even deciding what's for dinner can feel like too much.

You can do a couple of simple things to help your brain and preserve your energy for the most important decisions.

1. Create habits. Take a look at the decisions you're making and see what you can turn into a habit. Can you eat the same dinners on a rotation? Can you work out at the same time every day? Steve Jobs wore only a black turtleneck to preserve his brain energy for the decisions that mattered. Worked out pretty well for him.
2. Pick your spheres of influence. You can't decide if people wear masks in public or if they go to crowded bars. So, let all those things go and only focus on the decisions that are in your sphere of influence - your family, job, home, and community.
3. Sleep. Let your brain rest and integrate. Know when it's time to stop. You'll have more decision making power the next day.

I hope this helps! I always love to hear from you so reach out anytime.

Christina

Feeling Lost? This Is Why....

Time to read: 2 minutes

You are living in liminal space.

Liminal what?!

Liminal space happens between two things. You know that blue light time in the evening when it's not day and it's not night? That's liminal space. Liminal space is an anthropological concept originally used to describe important cultural rituals that move people from one identity to another (single to married, child to adult, alive to dead). You are in in-between time right now. Not in your old world and not in your new one.

When you're in liminal space, you feel ungrounded, rudderless, even a little lost. Does this feel familiar?

Keep reading for examples, why this matters and what to do about it.

Examples:

• You take a new job and give notice. Those weird three weeks when you are no longer fully in your old job and are not yet in your new job? That's liminal space.
• When a wedding starts, the couple enters as single people and are catapulted into liminal space until they are declared married at the end of the ceremony.
• A pandemic sweeps the globe upending life as you know it, leaving you uncertain about the future and the structures you rely on for security.

Like I said in the first line, every day is liminal space right now. You are between the identity and the life you had in January and whatever is coming next. You don't know when this will end or how. It's unnerving.

It's also powerful. All bets are off and the possibility for creativity is endless.

So, what do you do about liminal space?

1. Name it. Check! You just did that by reading this newsletter. Naming it takes the pressure off.
2. Keep going. Churchill said, "If you're going through hell, keep going." There is no magic formula. The only way out is through. You keep walking up that aisle. You keep wrapping up the old job. You keep walking the dog and making dinner. Keep going until you land, new and ready to go on the other side.
3. Find your protectors. In cultural rituals, people are shepherded through liminal space by friends and elders. Think bridesmaids and mentors. You are not meant to go through this alone. In today's world, everyone is in liminal space so you have to find your protectors and be the protector for others. And yourself.

I'd be honored to be one of your protectors as my clients are protectors for me. Thriving in Uncertain Times is the perfect place to keep going together.

We start on May 28 at 10:00 CT. This program is designed to be easy on the budget and easy on your time. You get 20% off your registration through Memorial Day. If you can't make the calls live, no worries. They will be recorded so you can put on your headphones and listen while you walk your dog.

A six-week coaching experience for Corporate Rebels

REGISTER HERE

20% off if you sign up by Memorial Day.

I look forward to spending more time with you!

Christina

Back to Basics

Time to read: 45 seconds

My home yoga studio

Last week, I saw anxiety at 3:00 am more nights than I care to count. As I lay in bed, yet again, I noticed that I had allowed my physical self-care to slide. Yoga fell off the radar. Cookies were a nightly snack. (If I'm honest, they were a morning, afternoon and nightly snack.) And clearly, sleep was elusive. Let's just say, my family noticed the slide, too.

So, this week, I committed to bring back the basics - nutrition, exercise, sleep, and mindfulness. I set up a one-week experiment.

My hypothesis: If I do basic things to take care of myself, I will feel calmer and sleep better.

Here are my commitments for this week:

• yoga 3x
• meditation 3x
• no sugar
• daily walks
• gardening

I'm a couple of days in and so far, so good. What physical practice belongs on your list of commitments this weekend?

Lastly, hold your goals loosely.

• 20 minutes of yoga? Time to celebrate!
• You might narf a piece of lemon cream cake if your daughter wants to get dessert for her family time choice. I don't know anything about that.
• 5-minutes of meditation? Yay you!
• Planting one plant counts as gardening.

See? Easy peasy if you keep your expectations low.

I'm going to hit that yoga mat covered in cat hair right now.

Your calm resilience is more basic and easier than you might think.

To your well-being!

Christina

P.S. Here are two free resources to help you and yours during this challenging time. Spread them around and enjoy!

1. Rebels at Home Challenge: This challenge is a series of eight 3-minute daily video exercises to uplift you and help you find your place in this global pandemic. And it will give you something new to talk about at your next Zoom happy hour. Sign up here.

2. The Unconventional Guide to Working from Home: This is a downloadable pdf of practical tips and big picture strategies to help you be efficient, focused and effective at home. Click to download the pdf here.

Exhausted? Foggy? Here's What's Happening...

Time to read: Less than a minute

How are you doing around 5:00?

I bet you find yourself reaching for a glass of wine, exhausted, barely able to put two sentences together. Without the wine, that's exactly what I'm like every evening.

so

so

tired

On the Corporate Rebel Daily call, everyone does a two-word check-in about how they feel in that moment. Lately words like, "weary," "exhausted," and "tired" have been popular.

What the heck is going on? We have more free time. We aren't rushing around. We're eating meals at home. It seems like we should be better rested, not worse.

Here's the answer. It's called allostatic load. Read about that here. The executive summary is that your brain is working on overdrive even if your body isn't. One of my coaches, Ann Betz, used the apt metaphor of your cell phone: All the apps and systems run down the battery even if you're not using your phone.

That is your brain right now.

You have stress and anxiety running in your operating system which explains why you can only handle The Bachelor after 6:00 and can barely muster the energy to pull yourself off the couch to go to bed.

The danger is that you start to feel that it is your inadequacy that causes you to be so tired. Now you know that allostatic load is a real thing and has nothing to do with your character or abilities. So, enjoy the Bachelor and take care of yourself.

I hope this helps.

Christina

P.S. Here are two free resources to help you and yours during this challenging time. Spread them around and enjoy!

1. Rebels at Home Challenge: This challenge is a series of eight 3-minute daily video exercises to uplift you and help you find your place in this global pandemic. And it will give you something new to talk about at your next Zoom happy hour. Sign up here.

2. The Unconventional Guide to Working from Home: This is a downloadable pdf of practical tips and big picture strategies to help you be efficient, focused and effective at home. Click to download the pdf here.

Help! Working From Home is Killing My Productivity! 8 Tips to Keep You On Track

Reading this newsletter? 1.5 minutes Getting more done today? Priceless

My kitchen table office complete with seed packets, mail, and other sundry distractions

Today in the Corporate Rebel Daily, folks described how hard it is to stay productive while working from home in uncertain times. This group works across the country, in different industries, and is a font of practical and meaningful suggestions.

With their permission, here is wisdom from the hive:

1. Move your body: Regular exercise, yoga, dog walks - anything that gets your blood flowing. It doesn't have to be fancy or strenuous.


2. Change the scenery: Work in a new room in your house, go for a drive, work outside, or in bed. Change your perspective to keep yourself creative.


3. Get outside: Nature makes all the difference. As one person put it, "You can't be down when you're watching birds at the bird feeder."


4. Feel your feelings: If you're exhausted, feeling lost or find yourself staring unproductively at the same spreadsheet, your systems are likely clogged with unexpressed emotion. Have a good cry. Rage in your basement. Welcome your fear. The goal is to experience your feelings. Don't empower them or let them run your day.


5. Lower the bar: As one Daily participant put it, "I used to have a list of 10 things to do to feel good about my day. Now if I get my top 1-2 things done, I feel great." For many reasons (mental load, kids at home, systems issues) you will not get as much done working from home. That's ok.


6. Structure a routine: And make sure it includes lots of breaks. Nothing will kill your focus like back-to-back Zoom meetings. One Daily-er said she blocks work time on her calendar as no-Zoom zones. Another person takes 3 walks a day with his wife and dogs.


7. Take advantage of your best work hours: If you're a night owl, do your projects at night. If you're most creative first thing in the morning, take advantage of that. If you come alive at 2:00, save your most important work for the afternoon.


8. Strike while the iron is hot: When you feel motivated to work, work! (with appropriate breaks) Then when you feel done, walk away. Acknowledge when you've done enough.

Whew. That's a long list. It's 6:00 pm and I'm turning into a "safe-at-home" pumpkin. Writing this took the last ounce of my energy for today. I've done enough.

You have, too.

I hope this helps.

Christina

P.S. People report that they love these free resources. In fact, my mother-in-law in a different state received the Rebels at Home Challenge from her financial planner who I don't know. Please share them with all the people you know.

1. Rebels at Home Challenge This challenge is a series of eight 3-minute daily video exercises to uplift you and help you find your place in this global pandemic. And it will give you something new to talk about at your next Zoom happy hour. Sign up here.

2. The Unconventional Guide to Working from Home: This is a downloadable pdf of practical tips and big picture strategies to help you be efficient, focused and effective at home. Click to download the pdf here.