One Way to Release Pressure

Time to read: 42.5 little seconds

Hello rebels!

You all were incredibly generous with your thoughts and input. I'm going to spend the next few weeks writing about the things you told me are important to you. Let's get started...

Years ago, I met a woman who had gotten a Master's degree in English literature because she loved to read. As she tried to make a career out of literature, she said she killed the one thing she loved the most in the world. This story has stuck with me for 20+ years.

Many of you wrote to me saying that you don't find meaning in your job, especially with so many important issues facing our world right now. I hope that what I'm about to say relieves the pressure.

At the risk of contradicting last week's inspiring story of career despair to career purpose, this week I want you to have permission to let go of the idea that you have to have passion for your work.

What?! What about all those people who say "find your passion?"

I'm not a big fan of the "find your passion" school of career development.

Somewhere, someone decided that work has to be meaningful. That you have to work in your passion. That you must jump out of bed every day excited to go to work. Some of you get to work in your passion. Yay! For many of you, that expectation kills your ability to enjoy your job.

Expecting passion and excitement every day is a lot of pressure to put on yourself and your job. Trying to marry passion, excitement and your life's fulfillment with the mechanism for paying for electricity and saving for college is a tall order. It's ok if your job is simply a job, especially now with soaring unemployment. It's ok if your job is good enough or you like it because you like your colleagues.

The great thing about a job is that it supports your life. And your life can be filled with passion and excitement - for your children, activities, hobbies, and contributions to your community. (Find more of your passion for your life through the Rebels at Home Challenge.)

I'm a huge fan of joy, excitement and fulfillment. You may find you create more of those things when you stop expecting your job to provide them. What would it be like to let your job be good enough?

I hope that takes the pressure off.

With love,

Christina

You Already Get It!

Time to read: Less than one minute then you are back at it!

Hello Rebels!

Today’s article is told with permission. Not just with permission but with, “OMG, a RESOUNDING YES!”

One of my new clients, let’s call him Ted, was telling me about…

• His discouraging, demotivating, and soul-sucking job.
• His beautiful, growth-filled, and conscious personal life.

Every day, Ted goes to work, serves up new business and watches his company disappoint and fail to deliver to those new customers in ways, that in his mind, lack integrity. (Why he has tolerated a work situation that lacks integrity is a newsletter for another day.)

And, Ted has made significant and brave changes in his personal world. He has embraced an alcohol-free lifestyle, committed to a wonderful and loving relationship, and prioritized a long list of amazing volunteer activities that feed his life purpose.

One part of his life is integrated and intentional. Another part is out of integrity. Have you seen this dynamic in your world - where one area feels great while another feels crummy?

Here’s the good news. You already get it. You already know what to do.

When I asked Ted what enabled him to be brave and intentional in his personal life, he said “reflection and positive action.”

Perfect. Ted took a homework assignment to think about how to bring his own wisdom of reflection and positive action to his work life. Then he can sit back and watch with awe as things start to change.

So, take a look at the parts of your life that feel great. What are doing to make those parts great? Make a short list and then apply your own wisdom to the parts that stink.

You already know what to do. You already have the tools that work for you. You just have to put them to use.

Then tell me all about it. I love hearing from you.

With rebel love,

Christina

Do You Hate It When People Tell You How You Feel?

Time to read: 1 little minute and 15 tiny seconds

My corporate campsite this week.

Do you hate it when people tell you how you feel?

Let me begin with a little story then tell you what to do when someone inaccurately insists you must be feeling something you are not.

I'm at a client site this week doing 2 intense days of back to back private coaching for a big corporation followed by a third day of team building sessions. When I return home, I head to another big corporation to coach all day in their women's leadership program. When I tell people about my week, they say, "that must be exhausting!",

When I hear that, I'm like, "hmmmmm….," or I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed because other people's opinions can muddy the water and make it hard to listen to your own feelings and trust your own experience. With their suggestion, you might start to wonder, "Am I exhausted? Maybe I should be."

By becoming aware when other people are imposing how you should feel, you can commit to listen to and trust how you actually feel.

Here's how to do that:

1. Check in with yourself. When you hear a suggestion for how you should feel, use it as a reminder to pause and check in. How are you feeling? Is there something you need to express, process alone, or adjust? What will get you on track with where you want to be?
2. Pay attention to the stories you tell yourself. Are you telling stories that are empowering or disempowering? Is telling yourself that you are exhausted or overwhelmed enabling you to be your best self and do your best work or is it sapping your energy?
3. Choose your feelings. You get to decide if you are exhausted, overwhelmed or frustrated. The circumstances don't dictate your feelings, and other people's suggestions certainly don't. It is true that I may be tired when I get on the plane to go home, and while doing the work, I choose to be energized and inspired by my clients.
4. Clarify. If you want to, you can clarify how you really feel to the person who is asking. Assume they care about you and had the best of intentions when they made their comment. Something like, "actually, I love these clients and get in the zone when I do back-to-back coaching."
5. Get curious. If you notice yourself "suggesting" feelings to others, get curious. Instead of telling them how they feel, ask, "How do you feel about that?" You might be surprised by what you learn and amused to see the assumptions you make, too.

I hope this helps!

Christina

P.S. Are there people to whom you'd like to give a big, fat hint? Use this email to tell them to stop suggesting how you should feel! They can join to receive this newsletter right here.

What You Have In Common with 28-year-old Millionaires

I spent this past weekend at a wedding filled with 28-year-old Silicon Valley genius millionaires whose Teslas were plugged into the charging stations in the parking lot of a beautiful local museum.

(My 12-year-old son learned to pick locks, order drinks at an open bar, and dream that one day he would drive a McClaren because by the time he’s old enough to drive, Tesla’s will be so yesterday. Yes…well…that parenting note aside, let me get back to our regularly scheduled program….)

At the soldering station at the reception, I had a chance to talk to many of these incredibly talented cyber security experts. Let's just say they speak cyber security and live in a world with its own language and culture. They swim in water with words we mere mortals don't understand.

Which brings me around to you. You might think that in the face of all this genius and wealth, one could feel pretty small and ordinary by comparison. And, it struck me that you swim in your own genius, a genius that is hard for you to see because it's like telling a fish that they swim in water.

One man asked me what I do. I told him I’m an executive coach to which he replied, “what’s that?” I explained, “in the way that you get programming and cyber security, I get humans.” He understood immediately and commented that the folks in his company could really use some of that.

What I want you to see is the unique contribution you make. You bring a special gift to society, your community and/or your family every day. Own it, speak it, and learn to recognize the language you use, the things you do, and the water you swim in that is extraordinary to others and hard for you to see because you're the fish in the water.

In the face of Russian hacking and the Equifax scandal, I am grateful there are young hackers and jailbreakers (look at me, using the lingo!) putting their talents to use to protect our data, privacy, and national security.

I am also grateful that you are out there looking after finances or children or the regulations that make medical devices safe or healthcare or the law….I could go on and on.

Here’s an exercise to ground you clearly in your gift: Spend 5 minutes journaling about what wouldn’t happen or what would be left undone or unprotected if you stopped doing what you do every day. Who wouldn’t be served? What risks wouldn’t be mitigated? Whose needs would be sacrificed? Then use that data to stand solidly in your contribution.

What you do may not earn you a Tesla. What I do is certainly not going to earn me a Tesla. And, I’ve said this many times. Your contribution matters. You matter. You are a gift.

I am grateful for you.

With rebel love,

Christina

What Your Quick No May Be Costing You

Today I want to talk about saying no and make the case for why you shouldn't.

I know. I know. I have preached that a good, clear no will protect your time and keep your priorities in order. And...

Sometimes a quick "no" costs you opportunities.

See if you share this fear with me:

I fear my life and time will be completely overwhelmed (which has happened a few times). I've learned to manage this potentiality with a swift and easy "no." I've realized recently that I may be throwing that no around like a bull in a china shop, resulting in broken opportunities and shards of potential on the floor. (Enough of that metaphor.)

Here are two recent examples where my fast no almost cost me an amazing opportunity.

1. A dear friend from college is retiring from a muckity-muck chief of everyone job with the US Navy. He emailed me a "save the date" for his blow out party in Washington DC . I emailed him an immediate no, thinking that with kids back in school and the pace of fall, I can't be flying to DC for the weekend. When I mentioned the party to my husband he was, like, "Why not? You should go. It would be fun." He was right.

2. My family and I were invited to a childhood friend's daughter's wedding in Kenya. (Did I mention I used to live in Kenya? See the photo of Lamu, Kenya above for a little taste.) I immediately responded no because tickets are expensive, and we'd have to take our children out of school. At dinner that night, I told my family about the engagement and the "impossible" invitation. All three of them got excited and pulled me immediately from the realm of "impossible" to "likely." My husband? Right again.

What's the message here?

1. Listen to my husband.
    
2. Spend a few more than 2 seconds evaluating an opportunity before you say no. If you're invited to chair that time consuming committee for an organization you don't care about, a swift and decisive no may be just the ticket. A friend's wedding? The trip of a lifetime? Give it more time.
    
3. Consider your values. Yes, I value balance. I also value adventure, life experiences, and my relationships. Be conscious about which value you are honoring or dishonoring with each choice.
    
4. Consider if your no is coming from fear or from a true desire to manage your time and honor what's important to you. Choose based on what's important to you, not fear.

What "no" are you going to revisit as a result of today's content? Pop on over the the Corporate Rebel HQ Facebook community to tell us all about it. Click here to comment or join!

With Rebel Love,
 
Christina

P.S. The conversation is happening in the Corporate Rebel HQ Facebook community. Click here to comment on today's content, ask questions, and join the rebel conversation. 

P.P.S If something you read today made you think of a friend or colleague, please share it by forwarding this email to them. They can sign up to receive it right here.

How Your Weird Little Process Leads You to Your Success

You have a funky little process. Oh yeah! Check it out.

Even though parts of your process may be a little "funky," it takes you down the path toward clarity and action. Becoming aware of how you operate is vital to your success, particularly the parts of your process that you judge, over-think or worry about.

Here’s a story to illustrate:

Years ago, I was sitting in a circle in a leadership program, and one of my close friends was sharing how frustrated she was with her apathy. She was feeling sad and useless. Our mentor turned to her and said, “What if apathy is part of your process?”

A lightbulb went off. Instead of her apathy being a problem, it was actually a vital stopping place on her road to clarity and action. She could stop feeling bad about her apathy and instead, celebrate it!

I took a close look at my own unique little process. Every so often, I make a stop in Freak Out Land. Years ago when the self-doubt and general panic cropped up, I’d freak out even more with the fear that I would be stuck there forever and that something was WRONG with me.

Not only was something not wrong with me or my freak out or your (fill in the blank),there was something very right!

Now, I see clearly that FREAK OUT is an energetic stopping place for me. It’s like I have to rev my engine with some panic before I move to courage and action. The freak out springs me forward to clarity and determination. Without that weird little stop on the road, my creativity and forward motion would stall.

Some of my clients stop in indifference, or boredom, or crying, or worry about the future or doubt that their idea could ever work or fear that this is the time they’re really gonna blow it. What's your weird little stop on the road to clarity and movement?

You have an amazing, weird little process, and now you can stop worrying about it. It’s vital to your success.

Hit reply to this email and tell me how weird you are.

Oh yeah. We’re all weird.

Christina

P.S. If you'd like to chat live, grab a 30-minute spot on my calendar here.

The Lie You've Been Told About Your Career

Today I'm going to debunk a lie about your career and once I do, you are going to be freer than you were 1 minute and 25 seconds ago. Are you ready?

First, here's a story that illustrates the point.*

One of my clients is well paid, has the flexibility to do yoga in the middle of the day, and is supported when he needs to care for his elderly mother. He can leave his job at the office giving him the space to pour himself passionately into community volunteer projects and music performance. At this point, you may be scratching your head. So, what's the problem?

He's not passionate about his job.

He has worried that he's not making a big enough contribution at work or that his job is too stress-free or maybe he needs to find something with more responsibility. Is the lie becoming clearer to you?

Here's another hint at what I'm talking about: A cab driver in London once said to me, "You Americans live to work. We Brits work to live." 

Do you feel driven by a belief that you have to find your "passion" or feel "passionate" about your job and if you don't, somehow you're failing at this whole career thing? (A caveat: There are a few people who do find their passion and follow it. That's great, too. It's just rare.)

This is the lie: You're supposed to find your passion in your career and if you aren't feeling it, something is wrong with you.

Many jobs provide a means to support the rest of your life, and that is a great thing! Many people find their passions outside of work, and those contributions matter a great deal. Work isn't the only game in town.

If you are paid enough to live in the neighborhood of your choosing, great! 

If you have the flexibility to be home for dinner with your family every night or leave early on the occasional Friday, awesome!

If your company respects your vacation time, care-giving responsibilities, and work-life balance, that is priceless.

Of course, there are soul sucking jobs or times when you need to leave to find more challenge or a positive work environment. The message here isn't, "settle for a sucky job."

The point is that your job can be the foundation for all the other things you're passionate about - baseball with your kids, being there for your friends, refinishing your own floors, road trips, volunteering at the homeless shelter, playing Ultimate, writing poetry, building bird-houses, teaching tap-dancing, the list goes on and on. Your job doesn't have to be your passion. It can just be a job. 

My client likes his colleagues. The work he does is fulfilling enough. And he is making significant contributions in his church and neighborhood. Today he told me that he is "just going to enjoy it as long as it lasts."

You can take a page from my client and the Brits and instead of living to work, you can work to live.

Happy living!
Christina

*My client generously gave permission to share his story to serve you.