The Best Advice for Getting Things Done

Time to read: 5 seconds

This is today's actual chair

Some days you feel it, and some days you don't. Ya know?

I'm the luckiest woman alive. My job is a perfect use of my gifts and gives me a sense of purpose and meaning. It's soooo good.

And today, I don't want to write this newsletter. I'm tired. I'm cold. I miss our new college student. I'm less than inspired which means writing will be like slogging through mud. I much prefer when the ideas flow onto the page like melted butter or gooey caramel or chocolate pudding…..see? I'm distracted.

Randomly, I remembered the Italian history PhD student who lived across the alley from me and my then boyfriend (now husband). He was completing a second history PhD since the one he did in Italy didn't qualify him for jobs in the US. When I started my dissertation I asked him for advice, expecting lofty productivity and self-care tips. Here's what he said:

"Stick your butt to your chair."

That was it. Getting your work done, especially when you're not feeling it, doesn't require fancy tricks or sexy strategies. It's as simple as showing up, being willing to do something, and then guess what often happens? You get over the hump and the work flows. Or it doesn't and you stick your butt to your chair again tomorrow.

I hope this helps.

Reach out anytime. I always love to hear from you. Email me here

 

Are You Aligned With the Future You Want?

Time to read: A little over one minute to read the newsletter. Maybe 4 minutes if you actually do the exercise.

I am aligned with THIS future!

I am aligned with THIS future!

Before you read any further, please do a quick exercise.

For two minutes, tell a story about the thing that has been on your mind the most in the past two weeks. (You can tell the story out loud or in your head.)

Go ahead. I'll wait.

Now, take a quick inventory of the story you just told. What was the energy? What are a few key words from the story?

Got it? Great.

Now you're going to learn something cool. I heard a concept recently that completely blew my mind and of course, I immediately thought of sharing it with you!

It is this:

Your reality is not created by your past. Your reality is created by your future.

What?! Doesn't it make sense that your current reality is created by a combination of events from the past? Like your parents who told you you could be anything you wanted? Or your competition with your older brother? Or the teacher who told you you weren't smart enough for advanced math? Or that time you got fired?

Try this on instead. You have a million and one possible futures. You can probably envision a thousand potential futures. You are aligned around a potential future right now, and it may or may not be the future you actually want.

Here are examples to help this make sense:

  • Imagine you are dealing with family issues which have left you angry and exhausted. When you talk about the future you want, that future is full of connection, peace and home. However, the future you are currently aligned around is filled with judgment, blame and depletion.
  • Now imagine you are making a huge life change. It's scary, and you're excited and motivated and relishing the thrill of the mystery and discovery inherent in the unknown. You are aligned around a future full of possibility.

Do you see the difference?

Now imagine the future you want. Where are you? What are you doing? How can you dream that future to be even bigger? Bolder? More vibrant? More alive?

Think back to the story you told a minute ago. What future are you aligned around right now? Is it the future you want? If it is, great! Keep going. If it's not, what do you need to change to align yourself and your life right now around the future you do want?

This exercise will help you get closer to the future you want by creating that future starting right now.

I'd love to hear what you discover in this exercise. Email me at christina@boydsmithcoaching.com and tell me all about it.

With rebel love,

Christina

P.S. Do you have a friend who wants to get aligned with the future they want? Forward this newsletter to them. Then invite them to join you by signing up for weekly wisdom for work and life right here.

Do You Hate It When People Tell You How You Feel?

Time to read: 1 little minute and 15 tiny seconds

My corporate campsite this week.

My corporate campsite this week.

Do you hate it when people tell you how you feel?

Let me begin with a little story then tell you what to do when someone inaccurately insists you must be feeling something you are not.

I'm at a client site this week doing 2 intense days of back to back private coaching for a big corporation followed by a third day of team building sessions. When I return home, I head to another big corporation to coach all day in their women's leadership program. When I tell people about my week, they say, "that must be exhausting!",

When I hear that, I'm like, "hmmmmm….," or I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed because other people's opinions can muddy the water and make it hard to listen to your own feelings and trust your own experience. With their suggestion, you might start to wonder, "Am I exhausted? Maybe I should be."

By becoming aware when other people are imposing how you should feel, you can commit to listen to and trust how you actually feel.

Here's how to do that:

  1. Check in with yourself. When you hear a suggestion for how you should feel, use it as a reminder to pause and check in. How are you feeling? Is there something you need to express, process alone, or adjust? What will get you on track with where you want to be?
  2. Pay attention to the stories you tell yourself. Are you telling stories that are empowering or disempowering? Is telling yourself that you are exhausted or overwhelmed enabling you to be your best self and do your best work or is it sapping your energy?
  3. Choose your feelings. You get to decide if you are exhausted, overwhelmed or frustrated. The circumstances don't dictate your feelings, and other people's suggestions certainly don't. It is true that I may be tired when I get on the plane to go home, and while doing the work, I choose to be energized and inspired by my clients.
  4. Clarify. If you want to, you can clarify how you really feel to the person who is asking. Assume they care about you and had the best of intentions when they made their comment. Something like, "actually, I love these clients and get in the zone when I do back-to-back coaching."
  5. Get curious. If you notice yourself "suggesting" feelings to others, get curious. Instead of telling them how they feel, ask, "How do you feel about that?" You might be surprised by what you learn and amused to see the assumptions you make, too.

I hope this helps!

Christina

P.S. Are there people to whom you'd like to give a big, fat hint? Use this email to tell them to stop suggesting how you should feel! They can join to receive this newsletter right here.

Ask Yourself This Rude Question to Create Instant Clarity

There's no photo this week as everything I could think of was too gross.

When you're making a decision, popular ways to weigh the options include listing pros and cons, envisioning a blissful future, and worrying about the horrible things that could happen with each option.

There is another way to bring quick clarity to a decision (courtesy of Mark Manson, blogger and life enthusiast). It involves a swear word so if you have sensitive ears or little ones looking over your shoulder, be warned.

You can use this rude question over and over on a daily basis to find instant clarity and motivation. Every single one of my clients answers this question in a fit of laughter at one point or another. 

The question is this: 

What kind of s**% sandwich do you want to eat (for the rest of your life)?

I love this question for two reasons:

1. It is a question that grounds you in reality when you start to spin off into magical thinking (maybe...retirement will take care of itself or maybe…my kids don't care if I miss the soccer game). There is a downside to every choice. It's good to be honest with yourself about those downsides.

2. You get to choose. You always get to choose. You even get to choose your flavor of s*($ sandwich. Not choosing is still a choice.

Here are a small sample of the situations where you can apply this question:

  • Let's say you are trying to decide if you will do that thing at work that you don't feel like doing. Ask yourself the question and choose: Would you rather create the boring spreadsheet or face the consequences for not doing it?
  • You've been offered a great opportunity that requires you to travel away from home a lot. Would you rather miss the time with your family or miss the career growth?
  • You're trying to decide if you are going to take an expensive vacation or put more money toward retirement. Would you rather find a cheaper vacation, not take one, or be behind on your retirement savings?
  • For me, I ask this question every time I wonder if I should hang up the coaching gig and get a job (with a salary and benefits!) Would I rather sit my butt down and send the marketing email or have to ask my boss for vacation time?

Nothing makes me do the hard parts of being an entrepreneur faster than reminding myself that I choose, the delicious and the s(*% sandwiches.

I hope this helps!

Loved this email? Want to tell me a story? I'd love to hear from you.

Warmly,
Christina

P.P.S. I am working on something that has been inspired by conversations with many of YOU. Stay tuned. It's cooking right now and will be ready for you in a few weeks.