Do You Feel Free Or Like A Hostage?

Time to read: So short and so relevant

FREE!

When you look around your career, do you feel free or do you feel like a hostage? As you assess this question, here are some hints:

Hostage:

• Your happiness and fulfillment are tied to (fill in the blank), your compensation, performance appraisal, raise, promotions, kudos from your boss. If you feel like you're constantly chasing the cookie, then you're trapped on a hamster wheel you feel you can't stop.
• You constantly think about making a change but never do.
• You feel like the risks of change (quitting your job, changing your perspective, seeing a therapist or coach) are more terrifying than putting up with the way things are.
• You wrestle with the same stress, decision point, or situation on repeat.

Free:

• You enjoy what you do (most days) and feel like you make a difference, to your coworkers, company, those you serve.
• You know that no matter the circumstances, you choose every day to be wherever you are.
• You feel like your work uses the best parts of you. You may be exhausted sometimes, and it's the "well used" kind of exhausted.
• Your work supports and balances well with the other parts of your life...family, free time, hobbies, health, rest.
• The balance of your life feels right to you. Even if that means you work 80 hours a week or you have all the free time in the world.

What I want for each of you is to feel free. Free doesn't mean nothing but free time or no work. It means that you feel like you have agency to craft your days through the lens of your priorities, style, and desires.

This summer, this newsletter is going to be a short and easy weekly challenge to help you feel more free. You don't have to sign up. You already are.

Invite your friends. They can join the summer challenge by signing up for my newsletter here.

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One Way to Release Pressure

Time to read: 42.5 little seconds

Hello rebels!

You all were incredibly generous with your thoughts and input. I'm going to spend the next few weeks writing about the things you told me are important to you. Let's get started...

Years ago, I met a woman who had gotten a Master's degree in English literature because she loved to read. As she tried to make a career out of literature, she said she killed the one thing she loved the most in the world. This story has stuck with me for 20+ years.

Many of you wrote to me saying that you don't find meaning in your job, especially with so many important issues facing our world right now. I hope that what I'm about to say relieves the pressure.

At the risk of contradicting last week's inspiring story of career despair to career purpose, this week I want you to have permission to let go of the idea that you have to have passion for your work.

What?! What about all those people who say "find your passion?"

I'm not a big fan of the "find your passion" school of career development.

Somewhere, someone decided that work has to be meaningful. That you have to work in your passion. That you must jump out of bed every day excited to go to work. Some of you get to work in your passion. Yay! For many of you, that expectation kills your ability to enjoy your job.

Expecting passion and excitement every day is a lot of pressure to put on yourself and your job. Trying to marry passion, excitement and your life's fulfillment with the mechanism for paying for electricity and saving for college is a tall order. It's ok if your job is simply a job, especially now with soaring unemployment. It's ok if your job is good enough or you like it because you like your colleagues.

The great thing about a job is that it supports your life. And your life can be filled with passion and excitement - for your children, activities, hobbies, and contributions to your community. (Find more of your passion for your life through the Rebels at Home Challenge.)

I'm a huge fan of joy, excitement and fulfillment. You may find you create more of those things when you stop expecting your job to provide them. What would it be like to let your job be good enough?

I hope that takes the pressure off.

With love,

Christina

Feel Pressured By Ever-Increasing Demands?

Time to Read: 51 seconds to the middle. 1.5 minuets all the way down.

Hey Rebels,

A new client told me that she almost never leaves the office before 9:00 at night because it's the only time the fire drills and constant interruptions quiet down enough for her to work on strategic initiatives. One day she left at 6:00 and noticed with horror that it had been weeks since she had left the office in daylight.

Standing in the sunshine, she realized her strategies were not sustainable physically or mentally and that working "harder, faster and longer" is not yielding the results she wants for her work and life. She decided then and there to make a change.

You may not stay late at the office, but do you check your email as soon as your children are in bed? When was the last time you went to the gym? Or hung out with your friends? Are the hobbies that bring you joy a distant memory? Is Netflix all the energy you can manage in the evening? (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Game of Thrones. And for all you stickler's out there, I know it's on HBO.)

If you've been reading my emails lately, you know where I'm headed.

Life is too short to allow your job to burn through decades of your life.

I told my client that the secret to a calmer, saner, happier work life isn't in finding better strategies to organize your day. You'll find calm and fulfillment by shifting the foundation on which you work - your beliefs, attitudes, behaviors, and structures that inform your day and your relationship to your job (and so much more).

If you're curious about how to completely change the way you work in order to be calm, productive, and wildly successful, consider chatting with me about the Corporate Rebel Clarity U coaching group. You can schedule a 30-minute spot here.

Why does this matter to you?

• You react instead of actively making decisions which leaves you feeling depleted and second-guessing your choices.
• Life and work feel chaotic and disjointed. You find yourself running from place to place, slamming out emails, and feeling like you're not actually accomplishing anything.
• You fall into the same ineffective patterns that have held you back for years.
• Every year you think, "This is the year things are going to be different." Then they are not different and you keep going with the same old, same old.

What's in it for you? Starting in October you will learn to...

• Shake off negative patterns of thinking and behaving so you can stop holding yourself back. Your life will be calmer and work more fulfilling.
• Gracefully navigate transitions so you feel confident in the unknown and able to handle the changes that work and life throw at you.
• Ground yourself physically and spiritually to allow radical transformation. You will look back and wonder why you didn't address this stuff sooner.
• Wield your new, portable Toolbox of Skills so you're ready to take action, make choices, and be in control of your career and life.
• Get clear about what you want and bravely take action toward making your goals real.

The Corporate Rebel Clarity U coaching group will help you put work and life on your terms. This link will take you to Christina's personal calendar to schedule a casual 30-minute chat. We'll talk about what's going on in your life, develop a solution or two, and determine whether our group program is the right next step.

You can also email me at christina@boydsmithcoaching.com to set up a time in the next few weeks or reach out to me privately with questions or inquiries.

Seriously, you spend more hours at work than anywhere else. Don't let those hours suck.

With Rebel Love,

Christina

P.S. Are you ready to change the way you work (and as an added bonus, thrive in all aspects of your life)? Let's talk! Click this link to choose a 30-minute spot on my calendar. We'll talk about what's going on and whether Corporate Rebel Clarity U is a good fit.

P.P.S. Wouldn't it be awesome to do this work with your friends? Invite them to explore the possibilities by forwarding this email to them. They can sign up to chat here.

Do You Like Where You Are Heading?

Time to read: 55 seconds (So you can get out in your garden. It's spring!)

Frank's holiday cards

A hundred years ago, I worked with an amazing man. Frank worked hard during the school year then adventured all summer in his car and on his bike. Each Christmas, he mailed a card with a photo from his travels and the exact same quote. The quote was:

"If we don't change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are heading." ~ Chinese proverb

This quote has been rattling around in my head as I've talked to friends and clients this week.

Consider this: You're on a path in your career. Although that path is not controllable or predictable (e.g. layoffs, health issues, babies, and winning the lottery to name a few possible interruptions), you can visualize the path ahead of you. Look at the people who are 10 or 20 years older than you. Look at the leaders who are a few steps above you on the food chain.

Do you like what you see? Do you like the way they live? Do you share their personal and professional priorities and values?

Now, take a look at your own thoughts and choices. Do you feel in integrity with yourself? Are your work and life in balance in the way you want them to be? Are you taking care of your body, mind and spirit? Do you tell yourself, "When I retire, I'll ____(fill in the blank with your dream for the future)?

I offer you a slightly modified version of the quote I received every December for many years. "If you don't change your direction, you are likely to end up where you are heading."

How do you like where you are heading?

If you love it, great! Keeping going.

If you don't, now is the time to change your direction.

As always, I love to hear from you. If these thoughts struck a chord, email me and tell me all about it!

With all kinds of rebel love,

Christina

P.S. If one of your friends or colleagues needs a nudge to consider a change of direction, share this newsletter with them. They can join our merry band of rebels here.

For All the Men. A Tough Love Note on Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day Rebels,

If you are a man or if you love a man or two, this newsletter is for you.

I'm going to cut straight to the chase, no soft start, no cute story. It's Valentine's Day after all, and I want to give you this loving gift right away.

• 1. Men, you are more than your job.


• 2. Don't wait until retirement to do the things that make you happy.

There are a number of reasons it felt urgent to make that point today. Here they are:

• Tom. When I knew Tom in our corporate days, he was a tightly wound, hilarious leader who loved his family and told epic stories of being at the office on Christmas Eve. He retired a few years ago and was finally working at the beer store and enjoying his adult children. Two years into his retirement, he died suddenly, and we were all crying in church while his children spoke.


• Frank: He retired and finally was taking the master gardening class he could never fit into his schedule. He died before he finished the class.


• Bill: When Bill called me a year ago, going to work made him sick to his stomach. In his mid-60s, he had to drag himself to his job every day and drag himself home with nothing to show for the hours at the office. Rather than doing the work of releasing the past and redefining a broader identity for himself, he decided to double down on his job and continue for 4 more years until he felt he could retire.


• My beloved father-in-law. He was an amazing CFO, loved doing taxes, and served on many boards until Alzheimers robbed him of his ability to crunch numbers and communicate financial strategy. He had no hobbies, and no outside interests, which left him lost.

I can name at least two other men who died within a couple of years of their retirement. My heart breaks every time I hear this story.

And that is why I wanted to send you this Valentine. You are more than your work. Who you are matters. Who you are to your family and friends matters.

If you feel like you have let your friendships go, decide to make some new ones. You deserve to do things you love and that make you happy. You deserve to take care of your body and mind even while you work. And it's ok to love working. I love working. Just don't put off the chance to develop other wonderful parts of yourself until retirement. You are loved.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Christina

P.S. Does your dad, brother, husband, best friend, boss need to hear this message? Forward this email to them. They can join here to learn ways to embrace their happiness.

Are You Headed to Where You Want to Go?

Time to read: 1 minute, 17 seconds of your precious time.

The actual deck chairs on the actual Titanic

I was on the phone yesterday with a woman who feels unfulfilled at work. (And that could be any number of a hundred different people this week.) She's been in her job for 15 years, and her role feels routine and boring. She asked the key question many of you ask me when we get on the phone:

"Is it time to head for the door or change something and get happy here?"

Today, I'm going to give you a definitive answer to this question.

I don't know.

OK. End of blog. Have a great weekend, everyone!

Just kidding. There's more to say about this.

When you reach the moment of "should I stay or should I go?" (cue soundtrack), there are three important steps to help you figure out the answer. These steps must be done in order to be effective. Here they are:

• Step 1. Inventory yourself. Build your self awareness. What do you value? What do you want? What can you live with? What can't you live without? What are your deepest longings and desires? What's your vision for your career? What do you need to remember about your personal interests and priorities? Are you on that path or not?


• Step 2. Understand the implications of #1. What's the impact on you, your colleagues, family and company of any choice you make? What are the tradeoffs? What's the possible upside? Downside? What are you willing to give up? What will you not sacrifice?


• Step 3. Decide what to do. Is it time to have hard conversations? Do you advocate for changes at work? Do you quit? Change jobs? Retire to the beach?

The problem is that you typically start by trying to answer #3 first. This is a natural place to try to start, because it is on the surface, easier to see, and easier to feel like you're proactively taking action. If you just change jobs, everything will be different, right? Wrong. It's like rearranging the deck chairs without addressing why the ship is sinking.

When you finally decide what to do, you want to make your decision based on what you want with a clear sense of direction. You want your plan to be intentional and conscious. You're going to get where you are headed whether that is where you want to go or not.

Consciousness and intention will lead you to happiness at work and in life and will ensure the destination is what you want.

And that, my rebel friends, is the answer.

If you're like, ok, now what? How do I figure out #1? Let's talk. I have a few more spots open. Grab a 30-minute spot here.

Have a great weekend!

Christina

P.S. If you love the idea of creating a plan for 2019 or you have a friend who is struggling with the "should I stay or should I go question," both of you can sign up for time to chat here.

It's Christmas! What's Your Heart's Desire?

Time to read: Less than one minute! (All client stories are told with their express permission.)

What's your heart's desire?

One of my clients came to me because she was unhappy at work. She was frustrated by parts of her work environment, wondered if she was in the right profession, and wanted to consider going into business for herself. We had lots of conversations about her professional dreams, her strengths, what wasn't working, what she wanted for her career, and what she would create in her business.

And, since I believe that people are whole and integrated across work and home, we talked about her daughter and family life as well. She was very clear that they were a happy, one-child family with two parents focused on their careers.

During one particularly powerful session, I asked her, "What's your heart's desire?" The air became charged in a potent silence. Then to my surprise, as well as her own, she said, "I want another child." Neither of us expected that answer as she had been consistently committed to a single-child. From that moment, little Mathias was destined to enter this world into the waiting arms of a big sister who had dreamed of him for years.

Fast forward to today. Mathias is now 5. His mother happily still works in the same profession, for the same employer. The dissatisfaction she was experiencing wasn't with her career. What she really wanted was much bigger. Once she set about the business of fulfilling her heart's desire, she filled the empty space, and her career satisfaction handled itself.

So, I ask you, as Christmas draws close, what is your heart's desire? It's time to set about the business of going out there to get it. (Here's a hint: It may not be your job.)

Please email me at christina@boydsmithcoaching.com and tell me all about it. I always love to hear from you.

With love,

Christina

P.S. I can't promise you a baby for Christmas (although 3 babies have been born as a direct result of coaching with me). I can promise you a powerful weekly dose of optimism and practical tools to help you find your heart's desire at work and at home. Give the gift of that insight to your friends by sharing this newsletter with them. They can join here.