Lessons I Live By. #3

Time to read: 36 seconds

Happy winter in the US!

Today's lesson: Nothing is urgent.

For years, I behaved as if everything, every day was urgent. Homework! Cooking dinner! Scheduling! Planning! Coaching! I drove myself and my family crazy.

The truth is, I was uncomfortable with uncertainty and lose ends. I operated as if urgency ensured everything would get done. I believed it was possible to force life to be certain if I just tried hard enough.

This lesson took me a long time to learn, and I'm still learning. Nothing is urgent. (OK. A broken arm is urgent. A natural disaster is urgent.) In daily life, very little is urgent. However many things are important. We often sacrifice the truly important under the falsehood of urgency.

Homework is not urgent. Your email is not urgent. Your relationship with your children and employees is important. I found that I confused the two and focused on the wrong things. Take a good look at what is actually important in your life and figure out how to focus on that. Drop the urgency.

Your life and work will get a lot easier!

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Lessons I Live By. #2

Time to read: 36 seconds

Beautiful vintage things are more fun than boring stock photos of office workers.

Last week I talked about your integrity and how it's never for sale. For all you perfectionists, this week is for you.

Yes, behave with integrity. And you are human. You will screw up. You will do something deliberately or accidentally that is out of integrity. At this point, many people do one of two things:

• You double down and convince yourself that what you did is in integrity. It's amazing how the human mind can bend to make yourself feel good. (Even though you likely don't actually feel good. You just convince yourself you do.)
• Become self-critical about everything you do wrong and what a terrible person you are.

Neither of these stances is helpful. #1 keeps you out of integrity and creates separation from yourself and others. #2 is a good distraction from your actual integrity. There is a 3rd option.

Take responsibility for yourself. Admit your fault. Seek repair. Clean up your mess.

It's uncomfortable and hard and the only path to actually feeling good and staying in your integrity. I've called the office back when I lost my shit. I've apologized and moved over when I realized I cut in line. If I can't repair it with the actual person, I talk about it so I can be more conscious the next time. I hate doing these things. And I love doing these things.

Integrity isn't a rigid stance. It's a constant awareness and refinement and monitoring and correcting.

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Lessons I Live By. #1

Time to read: 45 seconds

As 2025 gets rolling, I've been thinking, what are the essential tenants I live by as a coach? Over the 15 years of my training and work as a coach, I've learned and changed a lot (for the better, I hope)!

For the next few weeks, I'll share one principle I live by every day. Here's today's:

Your integrity matters. In fact, it's the only thing that matters. At work and in life, you make compromises. Your thoughts and opinions about things change as you mature so there's room for your definition of integrity to change, and each day, in every interaction, behave with integrity.

If you believe in kindness, then you must operate with kindness…in traffic, at the coffee shop, and with annoying family members. It's always about YOUR kindness, not THEIR behavior.

Many things try to seduce you away from your integrity…other people, money, opportunity, power, fear. Know where you get tempted and build strategies to support yourself in the face of challenges. Here are some possibilities:

• Pay attention to how you feel in your interactions. You know when you are out of integrity.
• Write notes to remind yourself of what you stand for and what matters.
• Talk to friends when you wonder if you've compromised yourself.
• Clean up your messes when you screw up.

Next week is for all you perfectionists!

P.S. If you love this newsletter, please share it with your colleagues. They can sign up here.

Setting Goals For The New Year

Time to read: 15 seconds

Adorable vintage stuff!

Even though it's been well established that I hate New Year, I still evaluate my year each January and set intentions and goals for the coming year. I recommend you bring consciousness to your life and career. Your one-word (from last week) is a great starting point.

Then set goals. Use a loose definition of goals like, intentions, areas for growth, stretches, and improvements. For example, one of my goals a few years ago was " to eat lunch every day." That is not a high-minded professional accomplishment. Instead, the goal was to learn to nourish my body. Over time, the goal grew into a realization that choosing my body helped temper my "over-perform at all costs" mentality. Even the simplest goal can lead to profound changes.

This year my most terrifying goal is "take time to read (without freaking out)." I love reading and usually only do it for a few seconds before I drop asleep at night. This goal requires me to learn to "do nothing" (my belief) and stop believing I have to strive all day to earn the right to sit. Honestly, even writing about reading quietly makes my stomach hurt. Clearly, this is a worthy stretch for me.

What's your terrifying goal for 2025?

Wanna Know Why I Hate New Year's? - Part 2

Time to read: 15 seconds

Sparkly 1950s necklace, cuz, why not?

Last week I offered a twisted Happy New Year, cuz, well, I hate New Year's.

However, I do think reflection and intention setting each year is fun and helpful. I personally do an in-depth performance evaluation of my year and then set intentions and goals. I'm a coach so, of course, I do stuff like this.

You can keep it simple. Find one word to steer 2025. Imagine how different your year will be with one of these as your word: simplify, freedom, focus, connection.

Do you see how one word can flavor the atmosphere for your entire year and drive experiences and choices?

This new year, choose one word for 2025 and see what happens. Please email me and tell me all about how it works out!

Happy New Year, again!

Wanna Know Why I Hate New Year's? - Part 1

Time to read: 15 seconds

Sparkly 1950s necklace, cuz, why not?

If you have followed me for a while, you already know that I hate New Year's…the staying up late, of course, but mostly, the pressure to have fun and make something different on January 1.

New Year's Resolutions? Bah humbug!

So, if the new year is not your favorite, you are not alone. I hope you got some sleep, had some fun, and are enjoying the start of 2025, free from pressure to transform in one turn of the calendar.

Happy New Year! Ha!

What's The Best Use Of You

Time to read: 1 min 2 seconds

Lately I've been thinking a lot about purpose, and what it means to spend your day living meaningfully and purposefully. This season of reflection is a good time to consider this question:

What is the best use of you?

You know you are at your best use when you feel "well-used" by the end of most days. When you feel like the way you spend your time uses your unique gifts and talents. When you feel a sense of satisfaction, even if you didn't complete everything or it was hard. When you look back over a week and are proud of the way you spend your time.

The best use of you applies to work and the ways you support your family and friends, raise your children, care for your parents, volunteer in your community, and interact with strangers.

The implication of your best use is that there are also things that are NOT your best use. Like, maybe someone else should crunch the numbers or do the design or direct the difficult conversation.

For example, details are not the best use of me. Communication and relationships are. So, I rely on others in my life (my assistant, and my husband) to manage details while I handle sticky situations and awkward conversations. My husband is relieved. And so am I. It's a win-win.

We need a world where each of us is performing to our best use each day. What's yours?