Exhausted? Foggy? Here's What's Happening...

Time to read: Less than a minute

How are you doing around 5:00?

I bet you find yourself reaching for a glass of wine, exhausted, barely able to put two sentences together. Without the wine, that's exactly what I'm like every evening.

so

so

tired

On the Corporate Rebel Daily call, everyone does a two-word check-in about how they feel in that moment. Lately words like, "weary," "exhausted," and "tired" have been popular.

What the heck is going on? We have more free time. We aren't rushing around. We're eating meals at home. It seems like we should be better rested, not worse.

Here's the answer. It's called allostatic load. Read about that here. The executive summary is that your brain is working on overdrive even if your body isn't. One of my coaches, Ann Betz, used the apt metaphor of your cell phone: All the apps and systems run down the battery even if you're not using your phone.

That is your brain right now.

You have stress and anxiety running in your operating system which explains why you can only handle The Bachelor after 6:00 and can barely muster the energy to pull yourself off the couch to go to bed.

The danger is that you start to feel that it is your inadequacy that causes you to be so tired. Now you know that allostatic load is a real thing and has nothing to do with your character or abilities. So, enjoy the Bachelor and take care of yourself.

I hope this helps.

Christina

P.S. Here are two free resources to help you and yours during this challenging time. Spread them around and enjoy!

1. Rebels at Home Challenge: This challenge is a series of eight 3-minute daily video exercises to uplift you and help you find your place in this global pandemic. And it will give you something new to talk about at your next Zoom happy hour. Sign up here.

2. The Unconventional Guide to Working from Home: This is a downloadable pdf of practical tips and big picture strategies to help you be efficient, focused and effective at home. Click to download the pdf here.

The Secret to Destressing

Time to Read: Less than one minute. If you read all the way to the bottom, it will take you two minutes.

Greetings Rebels!

When I go to North Carolina to work at my children's summer camp, I have no car. We fly and it doesn't make sense to rent a car for three weeks for a few days off and a trip to the airport.

My first year, I worried about how I would get anywhere on those days off and how my children and I would get to the airport from a little town with no Uber. Somehow everything worked out. People let me join their plans. The camp directors loaned me cars. I got everywhere I needed to go with ease. The worry was a waste of energy.

This summer was my third year at camp, and I no longer worry about the car. At all. Another parent asked me how I possibly manage with no car. I told her, with no sense of irony at all...

The universe always provides a car.

It's true, both literally and metaphorically. The worry is unnecessary. You will always have a car. It may not look the way you expect, and you'll always get where you need to go.

The trick is to do these three things:

1. Trust.
2. Trust.
3. Trust.

As someone who needs constant reminders to trust, I know what a challenge this is.

• Trust requires you to believe that everything will turn out, even when you're stressed.
• Trust requires you to know that you're on the right path even when that path has headed in unexpected directions.
• Trust means you can't tell the good news from the bad news.
• Trust is relishing the journey of the unknown and mysterious.

If you feel like a dose of trust in your journey would help make your day-to-day calmer and more joyful, let's talk!

You can schedule a 30-minute spot here. We'll have a casual chat about what's going on, develop a strategy or two to help, and talk about if support (1:1 or The Corporate Rebel Clarity U coaching group) is a good next step for you.

Why does this matter to you?

• You react instead of actively making decisions which leaves you feeling depleted and second-guessing your choices.
• Life and work feel chaotic and disjointed. You find yourself running from place to place, slamming out emails, and feeling like you're not actually accomplishing anything.
• You fall into the same ineffective patterns that have held you back for years.
• Every year you think, "This is the year things are going to be different." Then they are not different and you keep going with the same old, same old.

What's in it for you? Starting in mid- October, you'll learn how to...

• Shake off negative patterns of thinking and behaving so you can stop holding yourself back. Your life will be calmer and work more fulfilling.
• Gracefully navigate transitions so you feel confident in the unknown and able to handle the changes that work and life throw at you.
• Ground yourself physically and spiritually to allow radical transformation. You will look back and wonder why you didn't address this stuff sooner.
• Wield your new, portable Toolbox of Skills so you're ready to take action, make choices, and be in control of your career and life.
• Get clear about what you want and bravely take action toward making your goals real.

The Corporate Rebel Clarity U coaching group will help you put work and life on your terms. This link will take you to Christina's personal calendar to schedule a casual 30-minute chat.

We start in mid-October. There's no time like now!

You can also hit reply to this email to set up a time in the next few weeks or reach out to me privately with questions or inquiries.

Life is too short for work to suck.

With Rebel Hugs,

Christina

P.S. Are you ready to take action in your life? Let's talk! Click this link to choose a 30-minute spot on Christina's calendar. We'll talk about what's going on and whether Corporate Rebel Clarity U is a good fit.

P.P.S. Wouldn't it be awesome to do this work with your friends? Invite them to explore the possibilities by forwarding this email to them. They can sign up to chat about the group here.

What's the Common Denominator In Your Stress?

Time to Read: 1 minute, 38 seconds (maybe two minutes if you read every detail to the bottom)

Hello Rebels!

In my late 20s, I got a PhD. While writing my dissertation, I ate at strange hours, stayed up late, and became crabby and unreliable to my friends and loved ones. Once I graduated, I ran from becoming a professor. I never wanted to repeat the pattern of behavior that burned me out so thoroughly.

So, I went into business. The corporate world was a great fit. I loved the stimulation and the people problems in my HR and Compliance roles. Then the company got acquired, the industry was being overhauled by the government, and I was involved in creating a significant cultural change in our sales and marketing practices. I was staying up all hours and became crabby with my children and unreliable to my friends. I quit and vowed never to take another corporate job because I was exhausted and burned out. (Hmmm... Are you seeing a pattern yet? At the time, I didn't.)

So, I got retrained as a coach and started my own business. I was my own boss, could set my own hours, and determine my own priorities. Three years into my coaching business, I launched a big project and became crabby and unreliable and once again, burned myself out so thoroughly, I literally had to lay on the couch for a week.

At that point I was like, "wait… a… minute. I'm in my own business. I can do things however I like, and I'm still burning myself out. Damn it. The common denominator is me."

Insert wake up call.

Can you relate?

Do you see a pattern that you repeat again and again even when you are sure that changing the circumstances (job, marriage, location, weight) will fix it? Maybe you don't see the pattern, and you simply find yourself stuck in the same situation over and over.

Personal experience taught me that changing the circumstances fixes it for a few months or a couple of years and then you find yourself watching the same movie and wondering how it happened again.

I've spent the past two years diving deep and developing a sense of self worth that is not founded in my production and external success. I've learned tools and developed a relationship with myself and my purpose that is grounded in trust, joy, and fun. I've learned to work differently. I get just as much done. (In fact, frequently, I get more done.) I just don't go to burn out anymore. It's wonderful.

It's time to share all this learning and these tools with you.

Anne and I are excited to announce an exciting new group coaching program, the Corporate Rebel Clarity U.

This group is for you if...

• You react instead of actively making decisions which leaves you feeling depleted and second-guessing your choices.
• Life and work feel chaotic and disjointed. You find yourself running from place to place, slamming out emails, and feeling like you're not actually accomplishing anything.
• You fall into the same ineffective patterns that have held you back for years.
• Every year you think, "This is the year things are going to be different." Then they are not different and you keep going with the same old, same old.

Starting in early October, you'll learn how to...

• Shake off negative patterns of thinking and behaving so you can stop holding yourself back. Your life will be calmer and work more fulfilling.
• Gracefully navigate transitions so you feel confident in the unknown and able to handle the changes that work and life throw at you.
• Ground yourself physically and spiritually to allow radical transformation. You will look back and wonder why you didn't address this stuff sooner.
• Wield your new, portable Toolbox of Skills so you're ready to take action, make choices, and be in control of your career and life.
• Get clear about what you want and bravely take action toward making your goals real.

We'd love to chat to see if The Corporate Rebel Clarity U Coaching Group is a good fit to help you put work and life on your terms. This link will take you to Christina's personal calendar to schedule a casual 30-minute chat. We'll talk about what's going on in your life, develop a solution or two, and determine whether our group program is the right next step.

You can also hit reply to this email to set up a time in the next few week or reach out to Christina or Anne privately with questions or inquiries.

christina@boydsmithcoaching.com

annelippin@gmail.com

We'd love to work with you. Truly.

With Rebel Hugs,

Christina

P.S. Are you ready to take action in your life? Let's talk! Click this link to choose a 30-minute spot on my calendar. We'll talk about what's going on and whether Corporate Rebel Clarity U is a good fit.

P.P.S. We are hosting the Corporate Rebel Clarity U Coaching Group online so you can participate from anywhere in the world.

P.P.P.S. Invite your friends to join you. Simply forward this email to them. They can sign up to chat here.

4 Steps to Worry-Free Decision Making

Time to read: much less than two little minutes

Which direction should you go?

Hello rebels!

Do you have decisions to make? Do you anticipate having decisions to make in the future? Do you feel an urgency to get to the right decision and get to it quick so you can move-on-to-the-next-thing-burning-on-your-to-do-list-so-you-can-focus-on-something-else entirely-already?!

Geez. That sense of urgency is not helpful! (I know this. Let me explain.)

Big decisions were made in our house this spring.

My daughter has been choosing a high school and my son has decided to switch schools at the same time. We've been part of the same tight school community for 9 years so this change is a big deal for all of us. Many times in this decision-making process, I have felt urgency to get information fast, weigh all the options, and finalize a decision so we can feel clear and certain and move on to other priorities.

And this process has offered me a few huge lessons about decision-making, which I happily share with you.

If you have a teenager, you'll understand this next bit. Despite my sense of urgency, there was no forcing my 14-year-old into a decision until she was good and ready. This story is a metaphor (in case you didn't notice, you are the 14-year-old). You can try to force a decision. You can talk about it until your friends stop returning your calls. You can live your worries in the middle of the night. You can obsess until the decision invades your dreams.

And the truth is, the decision will not get made until it is time to make it. When the deadline was approaching, my daughter flat-out refused to talk about school choice for a week. We had no option but to put the thing down. And, we had a deadline. Over a huge piece of cake (I'm a strategic mom), I told her it was go-time. I expected hang-wringing and worry about where her friends were going. Instead, she paused for 10 seconds, and said, "I'm going to XYZ school."

Done and done. The decision was filled with ease and joy.

I was shocked and delighted, and since I'm a coach who writes a weekly newsletter, I made note of what just happened so I could share it with you. When making a decision - big or small, here's what you need to know:

1. Gather information, but just enough. In most cases, you will not land on the one piece of information that is going to make your decision for you so don't drive yourself crazy trying to find it.
2. Fire up your intuition. Pay attention to how you feel about your options. Watch your dreams. Feel into the energy of the way you talk about your choices. (Do you feel expansive or constricted? Joyful or worried? Excited or sick?)
3. Know your deadline or set a deadline for yourself. When you let a decision drag on and on, you're using it as an excuse to hide from the responsibility of actually making a decision. Don't do that. It's not fun, and hiding isn't going to get you anywhere.
4. Give the decision space. Put it down. Stop talking about it. Let it go. In the quiet, you'll find the answer.

Oh, and I recommend cake. Cake helps everything go smoothly.

Rebel love to you

Christina

P.S. Do you love the Corporate Rebel Unplugged Video Podcast and Newsletter? Share with with your friends! They can join our merry band of rebels right here.

This Is For All the Overachievers!

Time to read: A reasonable, not-overachieving one minute and thirty-six seconds

(No photo this week because I'm not overachieving today!)

Hi, my name is Christina, and I'm an overachiever. It's been 2 months since my last overachievement, and it's been going ok. Well, if I'm honest I've been jonesing for another overachievement and fighting the weak parts of myself to not fall off the wagon into overwork and stress.

It's nice to meet you. Can you relate?

Over-acheiving is an addiction because your brain gets a delicious hit of dopamine every time you check one more to-do off the list. Ahhh…..so good.

So, in the absence of over-working, I've been uncomfortable. I don't mean the pillow-on-the-couch-is-squished-in-a-weird-way uncomfortable. I mean a deep down in my gut uncomfortable. I feel antsy and discombobulated. I have more than enough work right now, and I'm learning a ton about myself and my emotions in an advanced coach training course. There's a lot going on at home, too, so it's not like I'm sitting around eating bonbons and watching Oprah all day (and, hey, no judgment if you eat bonbons and watch Oprah). My plate is full, and I'm uncomfortable because it is not over-full, and I'm not ploughing ahead on a big project.

If you are a chronic overachiever and cycle through burnout and exhaustion, here are some thoughts:

1. The messages around you state that more is always better. Bigger portions. More with less. Faster results. Higher salaries. More responsibility. You find yourself on a constant hamster wheel in pursuit of "more." I'll tell you this, it will never be enough. There is no "ahhh…I made it" at the end of that game.
2. Notice if you use work to avoid discomfort. A friend of mine once observed, "Christina, you work to manage your anxiety." You may be using work to numb uncomfortable feelings (like fear, doubt, or uncertainty).
3. Notice how your sense of self-worth and value is wrapped up in what you produce. Overachieving has made me successful. It got me a PhD, corporate promotions and a successful coaching business. And each time, there has been a price to pay to my relationships, wellbeing, and happiness. The price isn't worth it anymore (and probably never was), and I'm determined to learn how to be successful without the overworking.
4. See what it happens when you give yourself permission to stop overachieving and just be with the discomfort, even if it's only for 2 seconds. Start small and work up from there. I have a feeling the secret to peace, flow, and ease is weirdly in the discomfort.
5. Ask yourself, "for the sake of what?" What's the purpose behind the achievement? Is it joy and learning or is it the outcome and recognition? Align your work to your values and align your daily choices to what you want for your entire life, including family, self-care, hobbies, and relationships.

I don't have the answer to this one yet as I'm on this journey with you. When I figure it out, I'll let you know.

For now, you are enough. You have enough. You're doing enough.

More soon!

Christina

P.S. Think of 2-3 friends who need to hear the message that they are enough and are doing enough. Send them this newsletter with your love and this link so they can sign up to hear more!

I'm so over stress and overwork. Are you?

I've written and talked a lot about the ugly experience of burning out in my corporate job, recovering, and building myself up from the inside out. I've talked about how I've repeated the dynamic of burnout even as I run my own business with all the freedom to do things the way I want (ugh).

I keep being reminded, "Wherever you go, there you are."

Can you relate? Do you wish you could finally make changes so you're not repeating the same pattern again and again? I am committed to ending this pattern of overwork, stress and burnout this year. I'm so done with it.

I bet you are, too. So was a woman named, Mary (names changed to protect the innocent). Here's a real client story. I hear you love those.

Ready? See where you see yourself in this story.

Over the years as the chair of various boards, Mary was a natural leader, often turning chaos into calm. While she delivered more than what was expected, even when expectations were high, she often felt like a fraud. The dissonance between how others saw her, and how she felt internally, bothered her.

Mary had just left a position as a president of a non-profit, and was craving balance between her own needs and that of her family, which consisted of three children and a husband with a demanding job. She often felt guilty, assuming that if something went wrong, it was her fault. In both her professional and personal life, Mary gave her all to others, at the cost of herself. Because she didn't know how to "fill her well," she was exhausted. Mary felt like a victim of her circumstances. She had been in therapy--a lot. It had helped, especially in dealing with past trauma, but she still had trouble setting boundaries. Mary was afraid of her own power. She thought that if she asked for what she really wanted, she would get shut down.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Faced with being an empty-nester, in a marriage that suffered from deferred maintenance, and holding onto friendships that were based on convenience rather than shared values, Mary struggled to find her place in the world. That's when she heard the call to see beyond the roles she played with others, to something more real. She wanted more joy and play in her life. She wanted to stop apologizing for being herself and own her choices.

So, she made the decision to enroll in the Live Your Great Story program. (I'm going to pause here. This is the point when I usually delete an email. Yes. This program exists. Yes, I'm assisting it. And yes, it is available to you if you're interested. And, this story and the webinar I'm inviting you to has value whether you are interested in a program or not. So, keep reading. OK?)

Over the course of four months, Mary noticed big and small improvements. She began to recognize and feel more of her emotions. She started to feel more connected to her own values and what she wanted. She gave herself permission to trust herself. She created more authentic connections to the people she loved.

Today, Mary makes better decisions, puts her energy toward the people and activities that bring her joy, and has the confidence to show up as who she is. She has created intimacy and authenticity in her relationships, including with her children. She took on another important non-profit board role, no longer feeling like an imposter. Mary now owns who she is, feels more in charge of her life, and has created a presence that others notice.

Are you intrigued? Even a little bit? If you are, join me and Corporate Rebel favorite, Carol Ross for a webinar THIS FRIDAY February 2nd at noon Central Time. It's free and open to everyone. To join, simply click here.

As a coach, I'm starting to see how Great Story Coaching has helped me and people like you to resolve the patterns that have gotten in our way for years. Like I said above, I'm so over stress and overwork. I'm ready to embrace my business and life with ease and certainty. Are you?

Join me and Carol on Friday. Can't wait to see you there. Join here.

Christina

The #1 Strategy for Managing Stress. Yes, even YOU can do it!

What's the #1, research-proven strategy to manage stress? Here's the punchline, right up front.

Meditation

If that's all you needed, then you can go now and use your 89 seconds of bonus time however you please. If you are already listing all the reasons you can't meditate and have 89 seconds to spare, keep reading.

Here are the popular reasons I hear from my clients not to meditate:

• No time.
• No quiet space.
• Impossible to quiet my mind.
• Too wiggly (that was my reason for years).
• Too impatient.

Those excuses are a bit like saying you need to get in shape before you hire a trainer. Meditation will help you with all these things plus it's proven to improve your immunity, lower blood pressure and to change your brain to enhance compassion and promote calmer reactions to the stresses of life.

Meditation is not just for the ashram anymore. Companies like Google, McKinsey & Co, AOL Time Warner, Apple and Procter and Gamble encourage meditation for their employees because they know that meditation promotes the happiness and productivity of their workforce.

The list of benefits goes on and on, and you can start to realize all kinds of good things within 10 seconds of your first meditation. What else can promise you such fast results?

Meditation CAN fit into your busy, fast-paced life.

Here's how meditation works for me. Ideally, I wake up before my family and meditate in the dark before anyone else is awake. That happens, like, 1% of the time.

Usually, my husband comes in to start his coffee grinder. Then my son wakes up and climbs into my lap for a snuggle which invites the dog to join us. Then we settle in.

My point in telling you this is that meditation can fit into your regular life. In fact, your regular life can serve to help you focus your practice and model to others the importance of a little stillness and quiet.

Here are three easy ways to fit meditation into your life:

1. Sit at your desk with your eyes closed for 5 minutes. Find a little stillness.
2. Go for a walk with the only purpose being to enjoy the sights around you.
3. Find a meditation app or program (there are hundreds online) that you like. My favorite is the meditation series from Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey.

Give meditation a whirl then tell me what it was like. If you already meditate, I'd love to hear what practices work for you and the benefits you receive.

Om.

Christina