Lessons I Live By #5. Stop Overthinking!

Time to read: 47 seconds

Gorgeous copper MCM dish

Are you the person who spends hours perfecting a slide deck or obsesses over the wording in every email to get it Just Right? Today's lesson is for you.

Stop overthinking.

The way I think about it is develop an action-orientation. Move faster. Hit send. Pick up the phone.

(A caveat: some things require thoughtfulness and time. Writing most emails is not one of them. And if an email is that sensitive, then it's better to call.)

A couple of weeks ago, I used the word tenant instead of tenet in this newsletter. I so appreciate the emails I received to correct the mistake. And despite the mistake, the earth kept spinning. With his newsletter, I have a rule that I write, read/edit once and hit send. If it took me hours each week to produce this, I would stop from the stress and time suck.

If you're ruminating and overthinking, you probably already know what you want to do. You are just afraid to do it. (What if you make a mistake? What if someone is offended? What if your words come out wrong?)

Trust yourself. If something goes sideways, you have the skills to clean it up.

Just hit send.

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What To Do About Your Guilt?

Time to read: 1 min, 2 seconds

From my garden

When I asked "what do you need?" earlier this spring, a number of you said, "I feel guilty about lots of things. Please say more about guilt."

Always happy to talk about guilt because guilt is a useless waste of time. There, I said it.

Here's what I mean:

Guilt is a false emotion. It's something you throw up in front of a situation or a real feeling to give yourself credit for "taking action." And yet, the guilt persists in a way that is unpleasant and unhelpful to you.

A couple of examples:

• Let's say you have a relative in a nursing home, and you feel guilty because you never visited. Your guilt doesn't help you feel better, and it also doesn't inspire you to visit.
• Or you feel guilty when you play golf with your friends instead of cleaning your garage. Your guilt gets in the way of fun with your friends, and the garage still doesn't get cleaned.

So what's happening and what do you do about your guilt? I tell clients to look for what is more real. Let's go back to our examples and unpack what might be more real in each situation.

• You are sad that you don't have a relationship with that relative that makes you want to visit them. Or you are grieving the person you loved and are having a hard time seeing them so diminished. Or you're pissed that you are the only one caring for this relative when other family members won't step in. Instead of feeling guilty, give yourself permission to experience your real feelings - sadness, grief, or anger and then do something about those feelings instead of steeping in guilt.
• You may feel like you don't deserve to have fun when there is work to do. Or you may not feel like you deserve to enjoy yourself at all. Work on those more real things rather than ruining a beautiful day out with friends feeling guilty.

Does this make sense? The bottom line is to go for what's more real and feel or deal with that. Then the guilt will lift and leave you free to make clearer decisions about what you want.

As always, reach out with your questions and stories. I love to hear from you.!

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Talk About It!

I've run out of clever job search photos. So here's one of my dog.

Welcome to week 3 of Job Searching for Corporate Rebels!

When I talk to job seekers (or people who want to be promoted or considered for new opportunities), I talk about building momentum.

The fact is, what you think about, talk about, and do grows.

If you complain or bellyache that there are no jobs out there, you'll get more of that result.

If you think and talk about what you want, and you take action toward it, you will get more.

Be patient. Building momentum takes time. Finding a job takes time. You will likely not get an immediate job offer. That doesn't mean you're failing.

Job hunting is not a feel-good activity. You face a lot of rejection and effort that seems pointless. It's not pointless. Every step you take leads to another step and feeds the energy of forward movement and momentum.

So, talk about what you're looking for with everyone and anyone. If you don't know exactly what you're looking for, talk about that. Everyone has been there and will have stories to share.

Today's Hot Tip: If you wonder if you should apply, the answer is always yes. (Assuming it's a job you want. If you don't want it, the answer is no). Nothing is lost by submitting an application. The time you invest refines your ability to talk about yourself and what you are looking for. I'll say it again, every step builds momentum.

Next week, I'll talk about networking. I hate the word and bet many of you do, too. I'll break it down and make it more fun. Stay tuned.

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Email me to ask me a question. I love to hear from you.

Happy New Year!

Time to read: 25 seconds

If you're like me, it takes a minute to get in the groove of the new year. I always feel a little sad about the passing of Christmas, time with family, the quiet and downtime of the holidays.

I'm still not landed in 2024. Kids are still home from college. Work is ramping up this week. Getting back to the gym. Taking steps toward a routine.

These first few weeks of January are a period of transition for many of you. (Some of you may feel like 2024 shot out like a rocket, and you're fully landed. If that's the case, awesome!)

It's ok to be in transition. Simply acknowledging that's where you are making the discomfort easier and smoother to move through.

What do you do when you still feel discombobulated? Get into action. Don't spend a lot of time thinking or wallowing. Take action to build your regular routine. Just get yourself to the gym. Make regular meals. Clean. Do the activities that help you feel grounded.

In the familiar phrase, Just Do It.

You'll feel landed in 2024 in no time.

Happy New Year!

Challenge #14: Own It!

Time to read: 18 seconds

She owns it without apology

Welcome to week 14 of your summer challenge!

Today is another short, sweet, and powerful challenge.

We've been talking about action with full permission and full responsibility. This week, I want you to own it. Whatever "it" is for you. Here is what that might look like:

• Graciously accept a compliment
• Drop the apology (unless you truly mess up, of course)
• Claim a weird little habit and make it part of your "brand"
• Make a choice and stick by it without justification
• Tell a positive story about yourself in conversation
• Wear what you love and walk around like you're worth a million bucks

If you're enjoying this challenge, please invite your friends and colleagues to join you. All they have to do is sign up here.

Have fun with this one!

Challenge #12: Action!

Time to read: 35 seconds

Welcome to week 12 of your summer challenge!

A few weeks ago when you were practicing doing nothing, I promised you that one of the challenges would be ACTION!

Today is that day.

So, this week, practice an action orientation. This doesn't mean act willy-nilly without consideration or intention. It does mean looking for the places you are avoiding or stalling or wishing you didn't have to pick up the phone.

One easy way to act with intention is to follow your urges. Oftentimes, you stuff down an urge. This week, see what happens when you feel the urge and act (with full permission and full responsibility, of course).

So, this week, have that hard conversation, clean that closet, ask the hard question, make the decision, take the class, get out for a walk. The possibilities are endless!

If you're enjoying this challenge, please invite your friends and colleagues to join you. All they have to do is sign up here.

Have fun with this one. It's all about you, what you want and PERMISSION!

Challenge #8: What happens when you do nothing?

Time to read: 30 seconds!

So uncomfortable

Welcome to week 8 of your summer challenge!

I hope you gave doing nothing a try last week. Honestly, it's one of the most powerful things that my over-performing self can do.

Then, when you choose to do nothing, something happens, at least at first.

You feel uncomfortable.

If you are someone who reaches for control or who has a lifetime of believing you must act/solve/speak up/do, experimenting with doing nothing can be excrutiating.

I am certain that I have the exact advice my kids need (I am a coach, after all), or that I know what will fix any problem. I am a woman of action, so doing nothing can be so hard it hurts.

And yet, almost always, if I do nothing long enough, the problem resolves itself or the important conversation naturally emerges in daily life without force or urgency. A more effective resolution emerges without any effort. It's like a miracle every time. So, be in your discomfort. Here's the important question: Are you doing what you're doing because it's necessary or because you are trying to assuage your discomfort? You are strong enough to handle the discomfort. This week, simply notice your discomfort, and your urge to run from it. Next week, I'll give you a strategy or two to manage it. If you're enjoying this challenge, please invite your friends and colleagues to join you. All they have to do is sign up here. I'd say have fun, and I know that this week is important but not fun. You've got this!