Hitting a Wall? What Is Going On?

Time to read: short. You're tired and don't need more things to do.

Like this one

About a week ago, I hit a wall... unmotivated, exhausted, crabby, unproductive, discouraged, and frustrated wall.

My family ate leftovers and take out. Emails went unanswered. Sleep was elusive. I could handle about one decision a day and if your need for my attention was the second or third decision that day, sorry, you'd have to wait till tomorrow.

Can you relate?

In the first few months of this pandemic, I was on fire. New programs for all of you. Cooking. Gardening. Reading. A new fish tank. Zoom calls. A few weeks ago, I published a list for the Corporate Rebel Masters (an ongoing community of people who have graduated from coaching) of the things I do to fill my energy bucket. It was an impressive and true list. If there is such a thing as winning in this pandemic, I was doing it. (Ha. My life's work to learn that my value isn't my accomplishments was apparent even in how I handle a pandemic. Can't a girl get a break?)

A few days ago, I couldn't imagine doing any of those things. Friends started calling in tears. Clients talked about low motivation and exhaustion. I was barely keeping up with the basics.

I'm eternally optimistic. I can see the silver lining in just about any cloud. A friend commented that it was disconcerting to see me be so dark when she counts on me for light.

What the heck is going on? I feared something was truly wrong with me that I wasn't coping better.

Then my friend sent this article. The term is "surge capacity." As you'll see from the psychological research the author cites, we humans are programmed to handle crises. We have resilience that enables us to handle acute stress and to surge our energy to meet it. However, that capacity is meant to be short term. We are not mentally programmed to manage a crisis that continues for months or even years.

We "surged," and now we're depleted.

Having a name for what happened to me was a great relief. I slept well last night and today, I can handle two decisions.

We're tired, folks. It's been a long road with no end in sight.

For the next few weeks, I am going to talk about how to recover and create resilience in new ways. Less accomplishment. More energy. You can get through this. You just need a different toolbox.

I'll be recovering right along with you. Please hit reply to this email and tell me how you're doing. If you're still riding high with energy, awesome. I'd love to hear what's working.

And stay tuned. I'm excited for something I have in store for you. I'll be ready to share next week.

With love,

Christina

P.S. A cool opportunity is coming next week. Keep your eyes open!

You Can't Afford Not to Deal With the Stress

Time to read: one second less than one minute

Hey rebels!

Many of you replied that you are seeing a lot of stress in your teams or that your leadership doesn't seem to get how stressful life and work are right now (kids at home, furloughs, economic uncertainty, just to name a few).

Here's a story to illustrate:

One of my clients is struggling to support two stressed leaders who have devolved into conflict. The conflict led a potential client to walk away. She made the case to her leadership that these two folks need support to resolve the hurt feelings and develop the skills to move forward productively for the company. The company is afraid to spend the money right now.

Sound familiar?

I have a strong opinion on the subject. Companies are made of humans. Humans have feelings. Humans have human-sized capacity. You can't push people indefinitely or leave them with unresolved stress and conflict and expect them to perform their best. Hoping stress and conflict will go away on its own is magical thinking. When your employees are stressed, choosing to put off addressing the stress because you "can't afford it" is narrow, short-term thinking.

Your stressed employees are less productive. They are unable to be magnetic with customers and clients and may cost you business. They are less creative and innovative at a time when you need them to be MORE creative and innovative.

One angry customer. One lost contract. One employee who quits. Hundreds of employees who can't focus. These cost the company more than any coach or class. You can't afford not to address the stress.

You gotta take care of those humans. When you do, your employees are grateful. They become loyal. They are more productive. They are happier. It's a win-win for the company and for the humans.

These are my words.

With love,

Christina

P.S. Do you need to make a case to your leadership that your team needs support to manage their stress? Email this article to them then reach out anytime to see how I might help.

Preparing For What's Next

Time to read: 30 seconds

Look what I found at a yard sale! Love other people's clutter.

You've been stuck at home. What's a rebel to do?

Clean! De-clutter! Get rid of stuff.

Many of you told me you're cleaning out your crap. If you're spending time sorting papers, populating books in the Little Free Library down the street, and cleaning your basement, I want you to know cleaning and clearing is worthy work.

When you clear your physical space, you simultaneously clear your mental space and make room for what's coming next.

Here's what I mean: When you dump paper into the recycling, you do the emotional work of saying good-bye to old Christmas cards. You organize tax documents so you don't spend precious time searching for them. You admit you will never complete that writing project. Letting go enables you to create mental and physical space for who you are and what you want to do now.

I'm brutal about getting rid of stuff. I can hear some of you say, "I love my piles. I love my stuff." Great. There's no rule about how much or how little stuff you have. You just want the stuff you keep to reflect who you are today. Get rid of the crap that keeps you stuck in the past, guilty about things undone.

One thing's for sure. We're headed somewhere. We don't yet know what the future holds. Spending some of this in-between time clearing your decks will have you prepared to be creative with whatever the future brings.

If you have a yard sale, let me know. I'll come buy your crap.

Answering Your Curiosity

Time to read: Less than one minute

You were curious

Hello rebels!

In your responses, a couple of you asked if I would answer the same questions that I asked you. Great idea! If you're interested to know what I'm thinking about and struggling with, keep reading.

If not, go back to your waaaay more interesting email.

I don't mind.

Really, I don't.

Here it goes:

What are you thinking about?

I think a lot about the state of our world and the future of American democracy. I have read more news in the past few months than ever before in my life, and it's simultaneously fascinating and distressing. Most days, I'm hopeful and optimistic. Some days, I feel despair. I can't get enough of The Atlantic.

I think about racial justice and all kinds of justice.

I also think about my children more than they want me to and paint colors for the outside of our house and my garden.

Oh, and I think about food. What's for dinner is frequently the first thought I have in the morning.

What are your current struggles?

I don't struggle as much as I used to which is a good thing since I used to be a master struggler.

That said, I am struggling mightily with school in the fall. No solutions are good solutions and reopening fully (which is what I want) seems impossible. I would give up everything and isolate alone in my room if that meant school could open in the fall.

With everything else, I hold a lot of complexity and a lot of unresolved questions and contradictions. Like:

• How to maintain the march to independence for my teenagers while simultaneously keeping them safe.
• What activities are safe and which ones are not?
• What is my place in the movement toward racial justice? What is the role of my business?
• What's eating my butterfly bushes?
• Is it indulgent to buy a water lily?

Are you working too much? Not enough?

I'm working the perfect amount. The awesome thing about my business is that I LOVE IT and because I'm independent, I can respond to your needs and my own at different times and in different seasons.

What are the unique challenges you're facing in these times?

See the answer to "current struggles." School. I'm having a very hard time letting school go. With all my preaching about "acceptance" and "surrender..." Nope. Not there yet when it comes to giving up school.

And it's hard to know what to say when there are no answers and no one has been down this path before.

How do I make sure my parents are being safe?

What would be helpful?

When I say I love to hear from you, I really mean it. I love to hear what you're thinking, what your world is like, and what's happening in different industries and parts of the globe. So, reach out anytime.

With love,

Christina

P.S. The Rebels at Home Challenge is a fun time. Eight easy challenges over 8 days. It's worth a little slice of your time this summer. Sign up here.

Motivation Low?

Time to read: 1.07 minutes

Hey Rebels,

Last week, we talked about over-performance as a response to stress.

Today is "help, I can't get motivated" day.

We've established that we're living in stressful times. People have different responses to stress. That may even be true for the individuals who live under your roof. (Hello potential for conflict and more stress.) Or you may over-perform in some situations and under-perform in others. No judgment.

Uncertainty breeds stress, and stress breeds under-performance. (It also breeds over-performance which was the subject last week.)

Do these symptoms of under-performing feel familiar?

• Hiding
• Avoiding
• Becoming overwhelmed and freezing
• Numbing with substances, video games, Netflix
• Worried you'll make a mistake or say the wrong thing so you don't say or do anything at all
• Avoiding risks
• Not taking time for fun and joy

You can take simple steps to bust out of under-performing. Here are a few:

• Recognize when you have crossed the line from healthy rest and recuperation to hiding and avoiding. (Hint: Resting starts to become all night Netflix marathons.)
• Choose to rest and recharge. Sometimes a Netflix marathon is just what the doctor ordered. Make sure it's a choice, not a chance to hide.
• Take risks. Start small. Start with something that feels relatively easy and work up to bigger risks over time.
• Elevate the meaning and importance of your work. Focus on the big picture rather than the day-to-day details. When you are hooked into the importance of your work, it's easier to find motivation. (Remember: don't get seduced that "meaning" at work has to be grand like solving world hunger. Meaning can be as simple as creating something beautiful, the satisfaction of being part of a team, completing something, or helping your colleagues.)
• Get into action. Action breeds more action so take one small step. Do something that helps you move forward.

Under-performing holds you back from doing the work you are meant to do. We need you to show up and bring your gifts. It's going to take every single one of us to create the world we want.

I hope this helps.

With love,

Christina

P.S. Invite your friends and colleagues to join the fun by subscribing to the Corporate Rebel newsletter. Simply forward this blog and they can join here.

Working Too Much?

Time to read: 1 minute, 4 seconds

Hey Rebels,

Today is "help, I'm working too much but not as productive" day.

You face an uncertain future. The situation changes week-to-week, sometimes day-to-day under Covid-19. Some of the stress is global, and some is specific to your industry, workplace or family situation.

Uncertainty breeds stress, and stress breeds over-performing. (It also breeds under-performing, which is the subject for next week.)

Do these symptoms of over-performing feel familiar?

• Working constantly
• Not taking time for fun and joy
• Believing that if you work just a little more, you'll fix it, solve it, or find the answer
• Trying to look good to your superiors or colleagues
• Feeling exhausted
• Working a lot, but not feeling productive

"Hello, my name is Christina. I'm an over-performer." Let me rephrase that, thanks to 9 years of intensive personal and professional development I am a recovering over-performer so I have a few thoughts about what to do. In a nutshell, here's what I've learned:

• Recognize when you have crossed the line from productive and effective to over-performing. (Hint: You feel like your self-worth is wrapped up in your work. You start to feel resentful and exhausted. You are focused on looking good rather than being creative and serving.)


• Create structures to support breaks. Shut down your computer. Turn off your phone. Go out of town for the weekend and don't take your laptop. Chronic over-performers have to be forced to slow down and rest.


• Get clear about the difference between what's truly important in your work and the busy-work that makes you feel productive, but actually isn't. Do important work. Let the busy-work go.


• Unhook your sense of self-worth from your job. You are not single-handedly going to solve all the world's problems as much as you might like to. You are not a failure if you haven't yet stopped world hunger or systemic racism. Trust that you always know the next right step and that your future and career will unfold in the way it is supposed to.

Over-performing holds you back from doing the work you are meant to do as you get stuck in exhaustion and self-doubt. We need you. We need you to feel worthy and free so you can get about the important work of making the world the place you want it to be.

I hope that helps. Next week is for all you under-performers. Motivation, anyone?

Crushed Between Working and Parenting?

Time to read: 2 minutes of pure validation and relief

The blissful days of parenting little ones

This one is for you, parent-rebels.

(If you're not a parent, keep reading as you know parents).

You are in an untenable position. The systems in the USA are not set up to support working parents under the best of circumstances. Trying to homeschool and entertain young children while simultaneously doing your job is impossible. If you are a single parent, the situation is even worse.

My clients and friends with young children face constant interruptions, no daycare, no school, no camp, and no peace.

Smart writers are sounding the alarm about the impossible position for parents in the Covid-19 economy. Read Deb Perelman's article, "We are Being Crushed," in the NYT here. Her article will validate everything you are experiencing.

What are you supposed to do? I put together this list as a parent-specific supplement to The Corporate Rebel's Unconventional Guide to Working from Home. Please keep in mind that I am not an expert on the COVID19 virus, the data in your particular location, or your family's personal situation. Make prudent choices for you and your family.

Here's what I've seen help working parents:

1. Accept the situation. Being locked at home with your children is less-than-ideal. The possibility that school could be closed in the fall is sub-optimal. You have to accept the situation as it is. Liberate, maybe even lower, your expectations so you can get creative. (If school is closed in the fall, I'll be challenged to accept it. You can remind me in the fall that I gave you this stupid advice.)


2. Examine your priorities and assumptions about what it means to be the ideal employee (available at all hours, immediately responsive) and the ideal parent. "Ideal parenting" and "ideal working" clash. You are likely holding impossible standards. Make sure your actions align with your priorities. To understand more about the clash of priorities for working parents, read this.


3. Raise the alarm with your employer. For the Covid economy to work for working parents, companies will have to get creative. Starting early. Working late. Split shifts. Fridays off. Mondays off. Talk to your colleagues. Talk to your boss. Employers will have to make changes in expectations and structures if working parents are going to have any chance of success.


4. Let go of guilt that you are failing at work and failing as a parent. This situation is hard. Don't add self-doubt and self-criticism to the pile on. If your kids watches 6 hours of cartoons so you can get to meetings, oh well. (See #1)


5. Vote for candidates who will take seriously the kinds of leave and family-work policies that make parenting and working possible in the USA.


6. Structure your home life as best you can. Create a kid-free work zone. You need maximum focus and productivity when working with kids at home so be clear that your work space is off limits unless the house is on fire or someone is barfing. Be efficient and focused when you're working. This may mean no "nice-to-have" meetings, no extra chit-chat. It sucks, and it preserves precious time for your family.


7. Form community with other adults in your life as much as feels safe for you. Tag team parenting with your partner if you have one. Create child-care pods with neighbors who take turns taking kids to the park. Bring in grandparents. Hire a teenage nanny.


8. Turn work off and focus on your family. The temptation to work all the time when you're at home is great. Turn off your laptop and spend focused time with your kiddos. They will interrupt you less if they know they have your undivided attention at other times, and you need the break.


9. Did I mention vote?

I hope this helps.

Christina

P.S. Here it is again, The Corporate Rebel's Unconventional Guide to Working from Home. Please share it liberally.