Life Advice From Your Tribe!

I've been looking for an excuse to use this picture!

Last summer, I spent three weeks in North Carolina working at my children's summer camp. (Apropos of nothing, I was the Editor-in-Chief of the child-produced camp newspaper, The Tajar Times. So fun!)

While at camp, I offered pro bono coaching to anyone who wanted it. I spent many hours coaching people in their 20s who were angst ridden over questions like, "Should I marry the guy or dump him?" "I got a degree in a field I HATE!" "Do I take this job or travel through Europe?"

I also solicited advice from the Corporate Rebel tribe and posted the following list on the staff bulletin board. Many, many young people read it and told me the advice was astute and helpful. I came across this list recently, and your advice was soooooo good, I'm sharing it here with all of you.

Enjoy!

From Nick:

1. Stretch every day.
2. Read. A lot.
3. Make time to explore the world. It's fascinating.

From Alastair:

Your dreams remain. Keep them top of mind even when 20 years of reality hasn't quite worked as you thought. Keep them present, and they will guide you.

I didn't.

Through coaching and refocusing, things I thought were lost to career "diversions" are now more present than they ever were before. Shocking really. But it speaks volumes toward a few things.

1. Never give up hope.
2. Accept that the original dream is still there but may manifest differently and in ways you can't yet imagine.
3. Embrace variety beyond what you envisioned.
4. Listen to your inner voice and be true to it.

So forgive yourself right now for not always knowing. Who does? And pause and listen to yourself. What do you want? Truly.

Know this - life is short. So relax, lean into your life, enjoy and focus.

From Anne

It is never too early to put your self-care first. Don't get immersed in baggage piling on your head.

Deal with issues, learn new skills, add them to your toolbelt and move on. Don't be a people pleaser. Be a YOU pleaser! Build your plate your way, set boundaries and know that it is okay to say no. Set boundaries and keep them.

With rebel love,

Christina

Is your "mental load" crushing you?

When I awoke at 2:30 this morning, the first thing I thought was, "^%&%$, why am I not asleep?" The second thing I thought was, "Yay! I have a topic for my newsletter." So I got up and got to work (because sleep was just not going to happen.)

The first thing I noticed in those wee hours is that I was strung out. Heart pounding, mind racing, wide awake. I wasn't emotional or freaking out about anything, just jacked up and stimulated in a not so good way. As I got to work and tried to put some organization to what was happening, I flashed back to a summer patio conversation with a jacked up working mom. She described her frustration over what she called her "mental load." Ding! Ding! Ding! Yup, that's exactly what was happening this morning.

People tell me that they lose sleep over their bursting to-do lists and constant running around.

Yes, those to-dos are real.

And something else is going on. It's not just the to-do list that creates the stress. Keeping track of and remembering what needs to be done is what puts you over the edge. Let me show you what I mean:

Here's a partial list of my mental load. See if you relate, Jenntest. Your assignment is to replace my list with your own mental load then read to the end to discover some solutions.

• Make sure the dog gets her daily medicine.
• Children's high school applications including deadlines, recommendation letters, and thoughtful essays. Deal with their desire to play instead.
• Plan meals. Plan when to cook meals. Actually cook meals.
• Make list for upcoming international family trip.
• Write and review copy and graphics for upcoming big project. Deal with the fact that business coach doesn't like the graphics.
• Keep track of and follow-up on business insurance requirements for a corporate master services agreement.
• Help son remember to talk to the teacher and actually re-take his science quiz.
• As the chair of the board, track ahead 5 steps to make sure people in the organization don't freak out over some tricky politics and personalities.
• About a thousand other details and things to remember that wake me up running all crazy at 2:30 am.

I imagine that you have a similar list, and that sometimes your mental load gets the better of you as mine did this morning. And, here are solutions that you can implement in a few short minutes to bring more calm to your mind and space to your day:

1. Release the martyr. Recognize the tendency to believe that all the weight has to be on you. (I don't relate to that martyr syndrome at all.)
2. Stop cold turkey. (Too bad that my coach doesn't like the graphics. I love them. Tell him to pipe down and move on. I love you, George!)
3. Share the love load. A nuance to sharing the love is delegate to people who will actually follow through so you can remove the item from your mental load. (Husband is handling the metrics quiz. Son is reliable to make is own lunch but not yet reliable to push through all the great socializing at school to remember to talk to the teacher.)
4. Outsource. Outsource whatever you can. For free or for money. Hire help (assistants, cleaners, chefs - yeah, dare to dream). If you can't hire it, get your family to do it. Partners can become responsible for birthday parties. Kids can make their own lunches. I've even heard they can learn to cook dinners.)

Feel free to email me at christina@boydsmithcoaching.com and tell me about your mental load or your magic strategy for resolving it. I could use the advice.

With rebel love,

Christina

P.S. I have been working in a big project that will be announced next week. It is a direct response to things I hear like, "I can't possibly make that change," "I'm too old to pivot," "my ideas are too weird to work." A huge dose of inspiration and motivation for your career is coming soon. Stay tuned!

Ask Yourself This Rude Question to Create Instant Clarity

There's no photo this week as everything I could think of was too gross.

When you're making a decision, popular ways to weigh the options include listing pros and cons, envisioning a blissful future, and worrying about the horrible things that could happen with each option.

There is another way to bring quick clarity to a decision (courtesy of Mark Manson, blogger and life enthusiast). It involves a swear word so if you have sensitive ears or little ones looking over your shoulder, be warned.

You can use this rude question over and over on a daily basis to find instant clarity and motivation. Every single one of my clients answers this question in a fit of laughter at one point or another. 

The question is this: 

What kind of s**% sandwich do you want to eat (for the rest of your life)?

I love this question for two reasons:

1. It is a question that grounds you in reality when you start to spin off into magical thinking (maybe...retirement will take care of itself or maybe…my kids don't care if I miss the soccer game). There is a downside to every choice. It's good to be honest with yourself about those downsides.

2. You get to choose. You always get to choose. You even get to choose your flavor of s*($ sandwich. Not choosing is still a choice.

Here are a small sample of the situations where you can apply this question:

• Let's say you are trying to decide if you will do that thing at work that you don't feel like doing. Ask yourself the question and choose: Would you rather create the boring spreadsheet or face the consequences for not doing it?
• You've been offered a great opportunity that requires you to travel away from home a lot. Would you rather miss the time with your family or miss the career growth?
• You're trying to decide if you are going to take an expensive vacation or put more money toward retirement. Would you rather find a cheaper vacation, not take one, or be behind on your retirement savings?
• For me, I ask this question every time I wonder if I should hang up the coaching gig and get a job (with a salary and benefits!) Would I rather sit my butt down and send the marketing email or have to ask my boss for vacation time?

Nothing makes me do the hard parts of being an entrepreneur faster than reminding myself that I choose, the delicious and the s(*% sandwiches.

I hope this helps!

Loved this email? Want to tell me a story? I'd love to hear from you.

Warmly,
Christina

P.P.S. I am working on something that has been inspired by conversations with many of YOU. Stay tuned. It's cooking right now and will be ready for you in a few weeks.

What To DoWhen You Feel Helpless to Make a Difference

When unspeakable, heartbreaking, and bewildering things like Las Vegas happen, it leaves people like me feeling inadequate to know what to say. Silence isn't acceptable nor do I want to respond with a pat or simplistic comment.

So, first of all, my heart and prayers go out to anyone who is touched by recent events in the world - Las Vegas, Canada, Puerto Rico, Syria (to name only a few) - and any of you who feel the pain of these events even if they don't directly affect your world.

As I've processed the shooting in Las Vegas, I keep coming back to one thing.

The power of an individual.

In this case, it is the power of an individual to wreak terrible destruction, and certainly there are despicable models throughout history to prove that point.

Which brings me to you.

You matter. What you do every day matters. The way you behave towards others matters as does the way you treat yourself. If one individual can send out the ripple effect of so much pain, one individual can also send out the ripple effect of so much joy, gratitude, goodness, and peace. You have the power to be all those things every day.

Here's challenge:

When you close this email, immediately do one thing to point humanity toward the light. Call an old friend. Send an email to express gratitude. Bring coffee to a colleague. Step into the next cube and express your appreciation. Donate to the Red Cross.

This quote from the Dalai Lama hung on the bulletin board of my children's school all last year:

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”

Be the rebel love today and always.

Christina

Will You Do Me a Quick Favor?

I've been thinking about creating training courses. Like online, available to anyone, anywhere, any time of day or night training courses. I would love your input...

Many people have encouraged me to create courses in order break my material into bite-sized, actionable pieces, enable a deeper experience for you to build your personal and professional success, and to help people beyond my private clients reach their goals. I'm ready to create this offering to help you grow in your career without sacrificing your soul.

Aaaannnnnddd….I've discovered a roadblock.

This is where you come in.

I have created gobs of content over the years, and don't know where to start.

Please hit reply to this email and answer one or both of these questions:

1. What are the top three problems you are dealing with right now? Consider the ones you would most like a magic wand to wave them away. (Think of a potential course as your magic wand.) 

2. What do you most want to learn from me?

I'll compile your responses and use them to decide which course to develop and offer first. 

My inbox stands ready and waiting for your wisdom. Bring it on!

Thanks for your help!

Christina

It's the Worst. I've Been Lying to Myself.

Man, oh, man, did I have a dark night of the soul on Saturday. Do you recognize this?

Have you ever had that productive conversation with your exhausted self at 3:00 am after many hours of lying awake feeling worried and ashamed? It's so helpful, isn't it? That's what happened to me.

I'm telling you this because we all go through painful moments of awakening - if you can get through the pain and onto the awakening.

Here's the precipitating event in summary. The subject I am about to bring up is so sensitive, my heart is pounding even to write about it.

Money. (And lying. And denial. What an attractive trinity.)

Here's the truth: I have not been a big girl about managing the finances for my business. For various reasons, looking at my income and expenses is terrifying to me. So, I did what I thought was the responsible thing. I stopped looking at it. I automated everything and outsourced the tracking to a bookkeeper. She watched it so I didn't have to.

I was lying to myself. I was giving myself an easy way to justify not looking at something that makes me very uncomfortable and some expenses got away from me. Some truth tellers in my life exposed my blind spot to me recently and although I've heard it all before, this time, I was ready to listen (after a shame spiral and some crying).

Here's what I learned about blind spots:

1. You can't deal them until you are ready to deal with them. And, you can tend them, nudge them, and pave the path to be ready for them even if you don't know they are there.
2. It is painful to stare your blind spot squarely in the face.
3. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself in the pain and recovery.
4. These dark nights of the soul are the moments when you awaken to a more mature, evolved, conscious version of yourself.
5. Know who your people are so you can reach out immediately. I would never recommend weathering a shame spiral alone.
6. These moments are the ones when things become crystal clear. They breed motivation to make changes and move forward.

As painful as Saturday night was, I am grateful. I am clear about what to do next, and I feel empowered and motivated, even excited, to become a grown up about my money.

Do you have a sense that there is something important that you're missing? Are there pieces of your life that you wish you could tackle and resolve - behaviors that seem to be working but perhaps really aren't, choices that might have been the wrong ones, or things in your life that need a good illumination so you can get clear, address them and move forward?

The fastest and easiest way to clarity is to talk with someone who gets you. I certainly don't have a magic formula to fix your blind spots. And, I've learned a thing or two in my 7 years as a coach and my almost 50 years as a human. 

If you think talking with me will help, let's talk! We'll explore your personal situation, and I'll share my best ideas and insights about what might be possible.

I've opened a few spots in my personal calendar to talk to YOU. Get insight and relief right here. 

I look forward to connecting!

Christina

P.S. Wouldn't you love some clarity and access to my best ideas and insights? You can get all kinds of ideas and insights by hopping on the phone with me. Get clarity here.

If you don't see a time that works, email me at christina@boydsmithcoaching.com and we'll find one!

P.P.S. Think very carefully about wanting to be a coach. It causes you to not only have your pain but while you are having it, start to consider how this experience is useful to your people. Seriously?!

Everything I Learned at the Chopra Center (In 19 Words)

I promised to bring back amazing learning from the Chopra Center. In addition to in-depth lectures about space - time and science, the body and the spirit, I bring you this short summary of everything Deepak taught us.

1. Meditate.
2. Eat vegetables. Lots of them. Preferably kale.
3. Meditate.
4. Everything is a human construct.
5. Everything is only consciousness.
6. Meditate.

Let me know if you're curious, and I will go into more depth and show you how to apply his teaching to your life and work.

With rebel love!

Christina