For Those Of You Who Are Burned Out, Stressed Out, And Tired

Time to read: One little minute or less

When you are stressed out, stuck, frustrated, maybe even angry, working crazy hours, falling into bed exhausted, feeling unmotivated or just plain burned out, what do you do?

As a first step, assess, what is the structure of your situation?

Within every circumstance, structural issues contribute to the experience you are having. Here is what I mean:

• You operate within a matrixed reporting structure with many leaders giving direction. This creates confusion and makes determining priorities hard if not impossible.
• Your role serves multiple stakeholders who have no visiblity to each other. They all believe they are the only one pulling on your time and talent.
• Your industry has seasonal pushes, like tax time, a semester, or summer programming that pre-determine your annual schedule.
• Your role is global so your colleagues are in Asia which means early morning meetings.

The bad news is that you have little influence over these structural issues. Of course you can advocate for changes, and if you put all your energy into trying to change the macro structures, you will deplete yourself.

The good news is that you have little influence over these structural issues. This means that you DO have agency over how you navigate a tricky structure, how you operate day-to-day, the ways you care for yourself, and frankly to decide if this structure is something you can tolerate, or not.

You always have choices.

It's not the structure that exhausts you. It's fighting the structure that exhausts you. Separate out the structural issues then look for places to claim your agency and power. You will find yourself with more energy and less stress.

I hope this helps!

One Easy Way To Get What You Want

Time to read: 56 seconds

New York!

In case your life is full this week, here's the punchline:

To get what you want, ask.

My daughter and I are headed to New York City for two weeks. She's doing an internship/shadow, and I am her roadie managing logistics and food. This trip happened because she sent an email asking for help, and the person responded with generosity beyond her wildest imagination.

I'm going to admit something here….I actually discouraged her from asking because I didn't want her to be a bother. (Notice what stops you from asking.) She did anyway, and she's off to the opportunity of a lifetime. (It's a good thing my teen daughter doesn't listen to me.)

So, go ahead. Bother the person. Ask. If you don't, the answer is certainly no.

When you ask, sometimes things don't work out or the answer is no. That's ok, too. It's not about the outcome, it's about opening space for possibilities.

So, go ahead and ask. I'd love to hear what you ask for, and what happens when you do.

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3 Reasons to Clean Up Your Messes

Time to read: Less than one minute. Time to clean up your mess? Depends on the size.

Let's just say that the other day, I wasn't my best. I don't know why, but there's something about the vet that pokes my buttons. It's not the actual vet, it's the processes at the vet. It's weird because I'm usually so easy... but I digress. That's not the point.

I became irritated and the poor receptionist who was trying to help me took the brunt. It wasn't my finest hour, and my response was very human. We humans mess up. And when we do, we humans have a responsibility to clean it up.

There are three reasons to clean up your messes - big and small.

1. It's the right thing to do, especially when you've hurt someone. Cleaning up your messes matters for other people.
2. Lingering messes are sticky and the guilt / sadness / justification / defensiveness (choose your poison) sticks to you. Cleaning up your messes matters for you.
3. The energy you put into the world matters so let that energy be honest and true, even when it's hard. Cleaning up your messes matters to our world.

I called the receptionist and apologized. I was nervous. And the 2 minutes it took to take responsibility and be forgiven made all the difference for both of us.

What mess is sticking to you and what can you do today to clean it up?

Email me here if you'd like to consider offering the 90-Minute Return to the Office live event with me and Anne. It's the easiest path to avoiding conflict and messes that need to be cleaned up.

Annoyed? Use It For Good

Time to read: 56 seconds

Years ago when I hired my first coach, I got 2-word responses when I emailed her. If I was having a "learning experience" between sessions (usually accompanied by tears and snot), I had to wait until my next session to tell her about it.

These things annoyed me.

Other things that annoy me (it's a long list so I'll only give you a few):

• When people don't respond to emails.
• When people get aggressive or yell at me in traffic.
• When a group jumps straight to the work without establishing relationships first.

Annoyance provides insight into what's important to you. Other people get to design their lives and work however they like. I have no judgment for the 2-word email or the lack of response. (I do judge the traffic situation ever so slightly.)

Take a look at your annoyances and let them guide how you design your commitments.

For example:

• I value communication and connection so I reply to every email.
• I want my clients to feel supported out in the world so they are able email and text me between sessions.
• If it annoys you when people interrupt your focus, make sure you check before interrupting others.
• If you know the power of relationship to make work easier, then you do what's needed to prioritize connection.
• If getting cut off in traffic annoys you, be generous with those trying to merge.

Using your annoyances lifts being annoyed from something that's... well... annoying and elevates them into tools to create work and life on your terms.