Time to read: 65 seconds
Last week I said drama is optional. This week is about how to handle drama. In a word, prevent it. (That's two words.)
Go back to Maeve. Dinner didn’t happen, and she feels like she doesn’t matter to Susie. Her phone is in her hand, and what she does in the next ten minutes shapes everything that follows.
1. Feel your feelings. Hurt and disappointment provide information. Name the feeling, honor that the hurt is a sign that you care about the relationship, and separate the feelings ("I'm hurt") from the story ("she doesn’t care”). When you tend to your feelings first, you care for yourself and clear the runway for a more productive response.
2. Pause. Go for a walk, sleep on it, or write the angry text and delete it. If you’re reacting, wait. If you’re trying to understand, go ahead. A pause isn’t avoidance. It’s how you show up as your best self instead of your most defensive one.
3. Choose the relationship over your ego. Ego wants to be right and have the last word. The relationship wants to be nurtured and repaired. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be in a relationship?” Choose your next steps accordingly.
4. Skip the audience. Venting feels good, but it often recruits someone to your side and makes the hurt sticky. Ask a friend to help you prepare to talk to the person, not to collude and help you build your case.
None of this makes the hurt disappear. It just keeps the hurt from becoming something bigger (i.e., drama).
Next week, I’ll give you the actual words because if you have any relationships at all, situations like this feel all too familiar.
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