Time to read: 25 seconds
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See if any of these scenarios feel familiar:
- You are organizing all the plans for the holidays and resent that it's all on you.
- You are always the one inviting people to do things.
- You feel like you always push for the important conversation, the deep topics.
All of these situations feel unbalanced. You feel like you are putting in all the effort. It's no fun when a relationship feels out of balance — and over time, that imbalance curdles into something quiet and toxic: resentment. Not the loud kind. The kind that shows up as a sigh when you're texting to make plans, again. This isn't a recipe for the connection you want.
So, how much effort should you put in?
Here's the simple answer: 100%.
You put in 100% of yourself and your effort. No more. No less. 100% is not 150% for all you over-performers out there. (Just making sure you got it!)
The expectation is that your friends, partners, and colleagues also put in their 100%. Not carrying you. Not being carried. Just two people, each bringing their full, honest share to the table.
That's the standard. It sounds obvious once you say it out loud — and yet most of the relationships that feel unbalanced are ones where nobody ever actually agreed to that standard. They just drifted into a pattern, and one person kept absorbing the gap.
This week, notice one place where you're filling a gap that isn't yours to fill. We'll keep talking about what to do!
If you have friends and colleagues who would like to spend a few weeks learning about how to create healthy, functional relationships, they can sign up for this newsletter here.
