Time to read: 1 minute and a few seconds
Today might be a little uncomfortable. Stay with me because it's territory I know well.
Overperformance!
My favorite.
Here's the uncomfortable flip side of the 100/100 rule: sometimes the imbalance isn't about someone else giving too little. It's about you giving too much.
Just because you over-perform doesn't mean other people have to step up and give 150% too.
You tell yourself lots of stories about your over-performance. It's care, or responsibility, or just "how I am." You're the one who remembers the details, smooths things over, makes sure nothing falls through the cracks. It's easy to wear that as an identity without noticing you've quietly set the bar at 150% and started measuring yourself and everyone else against it.
The problem is, 150% is exhausting you and isn't a standard other people agreed to. So when someone shows up at an honest 100%, it can feel like they're falling short, even though, by the actual rule, they're doing exactly their part. Or you're doing all the things and falling in bed cross-eyed at night.
Over-performing has many reasons: discomfort with asking for what you need, wrapping your worth in your work (that's me), or maybe it's just habit, built up over years of doing it all.
If you're constantly the one organizing, inviting, initiating — before asking why won't they meet me here,"" it's worth asking a more uncomfortable question first: am I operating at 100%, or have I quietly made 150% my baseline, and now I'm tired and resentful that no one else is matching a number I set for myself?
Maybe it's time to pull yourself back to 100%. For your sake and for your relationships.
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Enjoy the food for thought!
