Ever feel like a fraud? 6 Life Hacks to Handle Imposter Syndrome

Estimated read time: 2 minutes, 6 seconds.

Yup. This is what the Imposter Syndrome feels like.

Let's cut right to the chase today. Do you ever feel like a fraud?

See if this feels familiar:

You’re leading a meeting and a voice in your head tells you this is the moment when everyone will find out that you have no idea what you’re talking about.

You get a new job and worry that everyone will now see that you are not qualified and have no idea what you are doing.

You are thinking of starting a blog or a community garden or a new initiative at your children's school and you stop yourself because who are you to do such a thing.

Yeah – I relate. I feel like a fraud when I write this newsletter (I don't have anything new to say). I sometimes feel like I have no idea what I'm doing when I coach and this is the moment when my clients will discover that I cannot help them. Ugh. I hate these feelings.

This condition is so common that it has a name. It’s called the Imposter Syndrome.

Oprah Winfrey sometimes feels like a fraud. Even the most successful VP at your company cycles through feeling like an imposter (I know this because I coach them). It’s human to feel this way.

So, what do you do about Imposter Syndrome? Here are 6 life hacks that will help you through those moments when you know the game is up!

1. Remind yourself that it will pass. And that it will come back. And pass. And come back again.
2. Make fun of it! "Check it out. The jig is totally up this time." Laugh at yourself with humble recognition.
3. Tell someone. Bringing stuff like this into the light of day causes it to vaporize like the vampire that it is.
4. Keep a file of kudos and nice things people have said to you. Save every grateful email, every thank you card. Then pull them out to remind yourself that you and your gifts matter. To lots of people.
5. We need you! Stopping yourself from starting something new because you feel like an imposter denies the rest of us of your gifts. So get going already - even if you know you're not ready. You will never be ready.
6. Take action. Nothing proves your worth to yourself and quiets those soul sucking voices like actually doing something.

I hope this helps!

Christina

P.S. If you know someone who would like to receive this newsletter, they can sign-up for The Corporate Rebel Video Podcast and Newsletter HERE. P.P.S. I've been working on something big and cycling through Imposter Syndrome on a regular basis. In a few weeks you'll get to see it, and you can confirm that I really have no idea what I'm doing.

2 Secrets to Boost Your Success in Conflict

Estimated read time: 2 minutes.

Avoid conflict! Get both! (Ignore my messy bed.)

I hear from my clients that conflict makes their stomachs hurt or makes them want to pretend they never saw it in the first place.

Conflict? What conflict? Did you see conflict around here?

Among many weird things about me, one is that I LOVE conflict (so much so that I used to volunteer as a mediator in small claims court).

Are you on the LOVE it or HATE it end of conflict?

Here's some reasons I love conflict: There's creativity in conflict. There's heat. Conflict leads to cleared air, closer relationships, and more trust. Even if conflict causes separation, there's clarity in the dissolution. You're clear as you walk away and not stuck for years making up stories about what happened.

All this only works if conflict gets handled openly and strategically. Avoiding conflict isn't going to lead to more trust even though through your closed eyes and earnest prayers, you wish it would.

Here are two, actually, it ended up being three, easy to implement strategies to help turn conflict into something that works for you:

1. Shift your mindset about conflict. Start to see the creative power in disagreement. See the opportunities for ideas to get bigger and for you to learn about yourself.
2. Prioritize your relationships. When your relationships are on solid ground, they can withstand conflict. Even big conflict.
3. Find your places of alignment. Every fiber of your being in conflict wants to focus on the disagreement and on being right. (Notice the word is alignment, not agreement). Here's a light-hearted example to illustrate the point:

Say that you want to get a cat and your family wants to get a dog. Very quickly, you can end up in your respective corners taking a stand for CAT! DOG! Instead, experiment with finding where you share alignment - like having a family pet, wanting something to snuggle, maybe having a pet that feels easy to your family. From there it's easier to navigate toward a mutually acceptable solution.

Conflict is creative. Really and truly. Give these tips a try and let me know what happens!

I hope this helps.

Christina

P.S. If you know someone who would like to receive this newsletter, they can sign-up for The Corporate Rebel Video Podcast and Newsletter HERE.

Are you stressed?

Estimated read time: 1.75 minutes

Focus (not stressed) Central!

I've had a lot going on for the past couple of months - buying and remodeling a house, selling a house, a HUGE project for my business (which you will get to see soon), kids, laundry, marriage, board meetings, fundraising, life.

Does this look like some version of your life?

I've noticed as I'm moving through these various things that friends and strangers alike say things like:

You must be so stressed!

Overwhelmed yet?!

Wow - you must be barely keeping it together!

I'm willing to own that perhaps I look messy because I went to the store unshowered on the way home from carpool in the clothes I pulled off my floor. But honestly, I'm not at all stressed.

Focused, yes.

Stressed, no.

It seems like culturally, we are attached to the idea of being "busy" or "stressed" so much so that we project it all over the place, even in casual conversation, even when we have no idea if the person is actually stressed or not.

Here are some thoughts for you this week:

• Pay attention to all the times someone casually assumes you must be stressed or overwhelmed and notice the impact it has on you (and them).
• Become aware of the times you say it (I was surprised at how often "stressed' words came out of my mouth).
• Then stop, laugh and say something more supportive - like, "Wow, that is so exciting!" "You must be so engaged!" "Are you thrilled?" "It must take a lot of focus."

Notice the shift that happens in you and others.

Let's see what we can do to shift from "stressed" and "busy" to "engaged" and "excited."

And that's what I've got this week. I hope it helps.

Christina

P.S. If you know someone who would like to receive this newsletter, they can sign-up for The Corporate Rebel Video Podcast and Newsletter HERE. P.P.S. I'd love to hear why you think we are so focused on being "busy" and "stressed." So, if you like to share your opinion, hit reply to this email and tell me what you think.

Peace! Now! And how to find it.

Estimated read time: 30 seconds. You just got a bonus minute to use for a simple pleasure!

Speaking of weird little processes. Crabapples!

You life is full. Many days, maybe most days, you run from meeting to meeting, checking your email and texts as you walk. Or your mind is full of your to-do list or what you will say to that person when you see them. Not to mention taking phone calls in your car (tisk, tisk). Stress. Busy-ness. Yikes!

When I worked for a big company our campus was huge. I was back and forth through the halls multiple times a day.

And then spring would arrive, and I would detour myself through a particular parking lot. There was the most glorious crabapple tree at the end of that parking lot. I would stop, stick my nose right into those blossoms and sniff. The marvelous smell of crabapple flowers was enough to propel me forward into even the most stressful meeting.

What's something you can easily do in a few seconds that will bring you a moment of peace and deep pleasure? Here are some ideas to get your little grey cells firing:

• leave the building to grab a cup of coffee
• stare out your window at the blue sky
• call a friend for a quick hello
• go for a little jaunt outside

With just a few seconds, you can find more peace.

I hope this helps!

Christina

P.S. If you know someone who would like to receive this newsletter, they can sign-up for The Corporate Rebel Video Podcast and Newsletter HERE.

What's your weird little process?

Estimated read time: 2 minutes.

One process option; Freaking out

I was talking with a client this morning, and she told me she was feeling indifferent about some work she needed to do. Then she proceeded to judge her indifference and talk about how bad it makes her feel. Do you do some version of this to yourself?

Years ago, I was sitting in a circle in a leadership program, and one of my close friends was sharing how frustrated she was with her own apathy. She was feeling sad and useless. Then our mentor landed a golden nugget on us. He said, "What if apathy is part of your process?"

Whoa! Life changing moment! I want to share it with you!

You have a process. You've probably been following it for years. And when you are in the "not so productive" part of your process, you probably judge yourself and give yourself a hard time for being "not productive." The guilt and judgment sap your energy which is not useful. Make sense?

Here's the thing, assuming you eventually get your project / homework / phone calls / meetings done, your weird little process is working for you. Imagine that? It's working! Who knew?

Another example. My process is that I make a stop in FREAK OUT (and I clean). I spend 1-3 days in self-doubt and questioning and general panic when I'm stepping into something new. Then I pull myself up and get to work with a clarity and determination that the magic pixies generated in the FREAK OUT.

The FREAK OUT is the springboard to productivity. I used to pile on judgment, fear and guilt about not getting anything done. That was oh, so helpful. And now, I'm all, like, "check it out. Here I am in my weird little process. Even though I hate this, I'll pop out in a day or two and get to work." Weirdly, it works. Every time. Even when I fear that this time it won't.

So, what's the place you stop on your way to productivity and courage? Apathy? Indifference? Fear? Doubt? Resistance? Anger? Resentment? Avoidance? Get to know that weird little stop on the track to action, creativity, and production. Then you can drop the judgment, ride it out, and get to work with even more energy.

I hope this helps.

Christina

P.S. If you know someone who would like to receive this newsletter, they can sign-up for The Corporate Rebel Video Podcast and Newsletter HERE.

You want to make more money. Consider this.

2 little 'ole minutes to read

New clients frequently tell me that they want to make more money and get promoted. They say that more money is going to make them feel valued and appreciated and happier at work. Does this ring true for you or someone you know?

Money is great. It gives you access and enables you to do things you care about like give it away, support important causes, buy food, and trade it for precious time.

And, money is only one currency. Cultural messages teach you that money is the ONLY currency. Prevailing messages want you to believe that money (or title) is the measure of your self-worth as an employee and a human being.

And guess what? (This is the part of writing these newsletters that I love.) There are many forms of currency by which to measure your worth, work, and life experience. (Although one could argue that your worth is never measurable. It just is. Full stop. End of newsletter.)

Please indulge me with a story.

My family closed on a new house yesterday (Yikes!) which means we had to sell our house (double, triple Yikes!). We set our sale price and strategized with our realtor. We were walking out the back door to the airport for vacation as our first buyers were walking in the front. Our house sold in 2 days with 5 offers (whew and wow and head still spinning).

When we returned after a week away, numerous friends said to us that we could have charged more for our house. In my vulnerable, post-vacation state, I started down the path of a freakout. Did we sell out? Could we have gotten more? Money, money, money!

Then I was reminded (thank you Steve and our amazing realtor, Brad). We consciously chose currency other than money for the sale of our house. We wanted potential buyers to feel excited (they did). We wanted great new neighbors for our beloved neighbors (yes!). We wanted buyers who would love our house and care for the garden like we do (they will). We wanted the entire process to be easy with as little stress and disruption to our family as possible (we were literally taking offers in our flip-flops on the beach and never had to do the "clean and run" I have heard is so stressful - can't get easier than that).

Our currency in this sale is great relationships, ease, little to no stress, and a great couple we are delighted to welcome home. For what amount of money would we trade all that? No amount.

When you look around your work and life, what's the currency you use to measure your success and value? (Here are some hints to work with: love, creativity, relationships, contribution, work/life balance, feeling deeply fulfilled, joy, ease).

Let's work together to change the measuring stick. As MasterCard used to say, your ease, joy, and happiness are priceless!

I hope this helps.

Christina

What to do when you feel overwhelmed

Estimated read time - an easy 2 minutes

Spring break season is over. If you went away, you may be like me, overwhelmed with laundry and groceries and unpacking and work and getting back into your schedule and OMG!

If you stayed home, you may be mourning your free time and routine-less existence.

If you didn't get a break, you may be overloaded with work and activities and counting the days until your next vacation.

Do any of these sound familiar?

Overwhelm happens to all of us sometimes. And sometimes, overwhelm is a tricky little bugaboo that distracts you from actually doing THE THINGS.

A client emailed me yesterday about her overwhelm, and after I dashed off this response, I realized, this is great information for you (and me). Here you go.

Your “how to function” when you're overwhelmed plan. In order.

1. Breathe.
2. Breathe again.
3. Make a list of all the things.
4. Breathe.
5. Figure out which ones someone else can do or you can outsource or delegate or skip or negotiate or push out. (Can someone else pick up your child - like a neighbor or friend? Are there things on the list you can skip or move to next week? Where can you ask for help?)

It’s rare that we have to do all the things ourselves, right now.

You can back out of things or skip them to honor your sanity and time with your family or yourself. You can. Really and truly. I've tried it. It works.

6. Then break down all the things and decide which comes first, which second, etc.
7. Breathe. Then keep breathing.
8. Focus on one thing at a time. Overwhelm sets in when you look at the huge long list and the entire packed future. Allow yourself to do one thing at a time (make phone call, insert data into report, answer email for 15 minutes). Do one thing at a time. Sometimes I even talk to myself out loud, ("Ok, Christina. Make that phone call now") to keep myself from moving too fast into the future.
9. Breathe.
10. For the future, take a look at what you say yes to and where you might want to say no more often (volunteering) so you can put your focus where it is most important (family, work projects, exercise).

Move forward, one step at a time. Oh, and remember to breathe!

I hope this helps.

Christina