Difficult Conversations: What To Do After The Opening

Time to read: 54 seconds

Welcome back to the next installment of Difficult Conversations. If you missed the first part of this story, you'll find last week's newsletter on my website here.

We left our poor manager and employee hanging. The hard message was delivered, the manager shut her mouth, now what?

• Give the person back their power. The easiest way to do that is to ask them what they need next. Once someone has heard… "You're not getting a raise," "I'm no longer paying your rent", or "We're going to the cabin for Christmas, on our own", the other person can't hear a thing. So, you say, "Do you need a minute?" or "Would you like to go home for the rest of the day? We can continue this conversation later." Then let them go. Or continue if that's what they choose. The important thing is to offer them autonomy and choice.
• Set a time to talk again so it's not hanging out there.
• Finish the feedback, share your plans, explain your reasoning (now or later).
• End the conversation with positivity and appreciation, "I know this was hard. Thank you for sticking with it." "I really appreciate that we could have this conversation." "Thank you for understanding."

Someone asked, "What do you do when people don't hear you?" That's next week.

Please reach out anytime with your questions and comments. I love to hear from you! Email me here.

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How To Look For What's Right

Time to read: 31 little right seconds

Indulge me. We got a new kitten and she's very right!

I'm going to get straight to the point today since y'all have full lives.

Instead of looking for what's wrong, look for what's right.

I mentioned last week that what you think and talk about shows what you care about. Change your attention, and you'll build joy and positivity. Try on these examples:

• Company reorganizing again? Try: Gives you and your colleagues something interesting to talk about….or….reorganization creates opportunities.
• Dog barks too much? Try: Your dog is lively and makes you get outside for walks….or….she's cute.
• Wrong food came to your table? Try: You get to try something new…or….How great that you know how to speak up for what you want.
• Tired of winter? Try: Cozy dinners. Reading by the fire. Skiing.
• Car accident? Try: Look for all the people who help….or…No one was injured.

Looking for what's right doesn't mean ignoring when you feel sad or when bad things happen. It means looking around to see all the things that are going right in any situation. This subtle shift in noticing will make a big difference.

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Have a great weekend, y'all!

What's the right response to everything that's happening?

Estimated read time: Les than one minute.

It's been avoiding sitting down to write this newsletter. What does someone who writes about work have to say about the tragic events of the past week?

Do you ever feel like things are so big and complex and wonder where to find your contribution? I do, and it exhausts me sometimes. Like today.

I'm going straight to the point.

The human world is driven by two forces, love and fear. Love can feel like the harder option because it requires vulnerability, openness, risk, and courage.

Love is the only option, and love belongs at work.

Here's your challenge. You are a leader. Leaders take responsibility for their worlds. Leaders take care of their people. Go find some people and take care of them. This week put love into your world every day, especially at work.

Here are some suggestions to get you started:

• Bring coffee to your officemates, especially the ones you don't like.
• Let the person in front of you merge into traffic.
• Leave an extra tip for your server.
• Pay for someone's meal at the cafeteria. Even better if it's a stranger.
• Call a colleague you'd honestly rather just email.
• Tell your boss what you appreciate about him/her. Even better, do it in writing.

Each action you take this week, at work and at home, ask yourself if you are coming from love or fear. Then choose love. The impact on the greater world will be tremendous.

In love,

Christina

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What's your weird little process?

Estimated read time: 2 minutes.

One process option; Freaking out

I was talking with a client this morning, and she told me she was feeling indifferent about some work she needed to do. Then she proceeded to judge her indifference and talk about how bad it makes her feel. Do you do some version of this to yourself?

Years ago, I was sitting in a circle in a leadership program, and one of my close friends was sharing how frustrated she was with her own apathy. She was feeling sad and useless. Then our mentor landed a golden nugget on us. He said, "What if apathy is part of your process?"

Whoa! Life changing moment! I want to share it with you!

You have a process. You've probably been following it for years. And when you are in the "not so productive" part of your process, you probably judge yourself and give yourself a hard time for being "not productive." The guilt and judgment sap your energy which is not useful. Make sense?

Here's the thing, assuming you eventually get your project / homework / phone calls / meetings done, your weird little process is working for you. Imagine that? It's working! Who knew?

Another example. My process is that I make a stop in FREAK OUT (and I clean). I spend 1-3 days in self-doubt and questioning and general panic when I'm stepping into something new. Then I pull myself up and get to work with a clarity and determination that the magic pixies generated in the FREAK OUT.

The FREAK OUT is the springboard to productivity. I used to pile on judgment, fear and guilt about not getting anything done. That was oh, so helpful. And now, I'm all, like, "check it out. Here I am in my weird little process. Even though I hate this, I'll pop out in a day or two and get to work." Weirdly, it works. Every time. Even when I fear that this time it won't.

So, what's the place you stop on your way to productivity and courage? Apathy? Indifference? Fear? Doubt? Resistance? Anger? Resentment? Avoidance? Get to know that weird little stop on the track to action, creativity, and production. Then you can drop the judgment, ride it out, and get to work with even more energy.

I hope this helps.

Christina

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