Give Yourself Permission

Time to read: 10 seconds

'Tis the season of graduation. Actual graduations from high school to college. Impending retirements. From winter to summer. Weddings. Corporate reorganizations. New jobs.

All of these events mark huge transitions that come with feelings, logistical changes, shifting relationships, and changing identities.

Consider this question today: What are YOU graduating from?

If you have even a minute to spare, email me and tell me about your graduation - whatever it is. I always love to hear from you.

Know people who are in transition? Who are graduating? Share my newsletter freely! Anyone can sign up here.

When You're Uncomfortable, Do This….

Time to read: 36 little seconds

Kids off to college!

My clients are changing careers, managing large teams through murky corporate restructuring, contemplating retirement, supporting their own businesses, and starting new jobs. People are approaching weddings, family drama, and children leaving home for college. As you've probably heard and felt yourself, it's a lot.

What do all these things have in common? They make you uncomfortable.

Most of these changes are good things… eventually. The road to get there is paved with uncertainty which can lead to fear, powerlessness, and the urge to do something.

Doing something to stave off discomfort leads to these kinds of choices:

• over-performing
• drinking
• drama and conflict
• avoiding
• denial

Let's just say, these aren't the most effective choices and each one carries its own undesirable consequences. You have another option when you feel uncomfortable.

Stay

This doesn't mean stick around in a bad situation. Stay means remain alert, keep going, pay attention, know you can live with your discomfort, and trust yourself to know when it's time to act.

Just stay

It's simple. Easy. Costs nothing.

Do you have a friend or colleague who is trying to live in a blender of change? Please forward this blog to them. They can sign up for it here.

For All the Men. A Tough Love Note on Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day Rebels,

If you are a man or if you love a man or two, this newsletter is for you.

I'm going to cut straight to the chase, no soft start, no cute story. It's Valentine's Day after all, and I want to give you this loving gift right away.

• 1. Men, you are more than your job.


• 2. Don't wait until retirement to do the things that make you happy.

There are a number of reasons it felt urgent to make that point today. Here they are:

• Tom. When I knew Tom in our corporate days, he was a tightly wound, hilarious leader who loved his family and told epic stories of being at the office on Christmas Eve. He retired a few years ago and was finally working at the beer store and enjoying his adult children. Two years into his retirement, he died suddenly, and we were all crying in church while his children spoke.


• Frank: He retired and finally was taking the master gardening class he could never fit into his schedule. He died before he finished the class.


• Bill: When Bill called me a year ago, going to work made him sick to his stomach. In his mid-60s, he had to drag himself to his job every day and drag himself home with nothing to show for the hours at the office. Rather than doing the work of releasing the past and redefining a broader identity for himself, he decided to double down on his job and continue for 4 more years until he felt he could retire.


• My beloved father-in-law. He was an amazing CFO, loved doing taxes, and served on many boards until Alzheimers robbed him of his ability to crunch numbers and communicate financial strategy. He had no hobbies, and no outside interests, which left him lost.

I can name at least two other men who died within a couple of years of their retirement. My heart breaks every time I hear this story.

And that is why I wanted to send you this Valentine. You are more than your work. Who you are matters. Who you are to your family and friends matters.

If you feel like you have let your friendships go, decide to make some new ones. You deserve to do things you love and that make you happy. You deserve to take care of your body and mind even while you work. And it's ok to love working. I love working. Just don't put off the chance to develop other wonderful parts of yourself until retirement. You are loved.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Christina

P.S. Does your dad, brother, husband, best friend, boss need to hear this message? Forward this email to them. They can join here to learn ways to embrace their happiness.