Introverts And Extroverts….Can't We Get Along?

Time to read: 2 min, 5 seconds. It's a long one.

We’ve explored the power of introverts and extroverts. The bottom line: Introverts are tired of being told, “speak up more,”and wish for more space to think. Extroverts never want to hear, “you are too much,” and long to brainstorm with other people.

So, in organizations, how do introverts and extroverts work effectively together?

Here are three concrete recommendations:

1. Be transparent with each other. Instead of assuming the people know what you need, tell them. It sounds like this,
• I am an introvert. My brain needs time to process. When I’m silent, I’m paying attention and processing multiple lines of information. I need time to synthesize and then will return with a comment or recommendation. I’m not ignoring you, and I promise, I will reply—just not this second.
• I am an extrovert which means my brain works best when I process with other people. I think out loud so sometimes the words out of my mouth are a work in progress so don’t take them as fact. Let me think out loud and socialize. Once I’ve settled on my answer, I’ll confirm my final thoughts and requests.
2. Pay attention to other people’s needs.
   • If you notice an introvert becoming flooded, call a break or suggest the conversation continue tomorrow. If you see an extrovert getting shut down, request to let them finish talking.
   • When you lead a meeting, structure various ways to share information. For example, give people a moment to write their thoughts before sharing. Send important requests for information ahead of time so introverts can think without being put on the spot.
3. Take responsibility for yourself.
   • Extroverts! Go into meetings and social events with a plan to listen and ask questions. Train yourself to pause 30 seconds longer than is comfortable to give other people a chance to speak. If you are talking too much, shut your mouth.
   • Introverts! Prepare your thoughts ahead of time so you are ready to share your ideas. If you are put on the spot or your brain is full, speak up. Let the group know you need a break. Then take that break and come back refreshed and ready to share.

Many of you have reached out to say how helpful this mini-series has been. If you have additional questions, please email me . I will address them next week!

The Power of Introverts

Time to read: 1.46 minutes

This is my actual fridge

Last week, I shared some context about Introverts and Extroverts, recommended Susan Cain's book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking, and shared her concept of the Extrovert Ideal.

Before I dive into detail on Introverts and Extroverts, a caveat: Each person is unique. Each person has traits from both and will show up differently in different situations. For the sake of clarity, I am generalizing.

And now…the wonderful Introvert!

Here's the thing: The power of introverts is profound. My daughter will go into her room - ALONE - and come out an hour later with a concept for an essay, which she created BY HERSELF! To this mom who needs an entire committee to vet an idea, her process feels like a miracle.

I know corporate vice presidents who sit quietly for an entire meeting and then pop out with the three most important sentences spoken all day.

Many introverts carry a quiet magic. People are drawn to them. They garner trust.

Introverts are powerful if organizations and families can give them space to work their magic.

In organizations and families, introverts get crushed. The extroverts move quickly and expect everyone to move at the same speed. (Remember the Extrovert Ideal?)

Here are some of the superpowers of introverts:

• Observant
• Synthesize a lot of information
• Thoughtful
• Considered
• Cautious

Introverts don't waste words. They need space and time to think and recharge. Many introverts process slowly and honestly as a result, come up with more considered responses than the fast-thinking extroverts. (Remember, I'm uniquely qualified to make this statement.)

Take a look at the photo above. The info about how to care for Introverts is spot on.

If you are an introvert, be transparent. Let people know you need time to think. Tell people you will process their questions and get back to them. Then, actually get back to them. When you set expectations around your needs and then deliver, you build trust and create an environment for your success.

If you are an extrovert, shut your mouth. Breathe. Pause. Stop interrupting. Let the introverts in your life finish their thoughts, even if it feels excruciating to you. (And oh my, it is so excruciating to wait…which is my problem, not the introvert's.)

Please reach out with questions, observations, or challenges. I plan to write about this for a few more weeks and would love to include your specific questions.

Next week, I'll talk about the power of Extroverts.

P.S. If you love this newsletter, please share it with your colleagues. They can sign up here.

Lessons From the Pandemic: Part 2

Time to read: 1 minute, 8 seconds

My Covid campsite

I conducted a workshop last week as part of a 2-day virtual offsite to help a team reconnect, recover from a brutal year, and evaluate how they want to return to the office. When I asked people to share what they noticed about life during the pandemic, here's what they said:

"My kids enjoyed having more downtime."

"We didn't run around as much."

"My family wasn't over-scheduled."

"I enjoyed having quiet time in the evening."

As an über extrovert, people are my oxygen. During the pandemic, I had to introvert. I read a lot. Watched hours of TV. Gazed at my fish. Snuggled my dogs. Meditated. I took walks with friends, but the year was party-less, trip-less, and crowd-less.

When we could finally emerge, I was ready to par-ty!

Well, I thought I was ready to par-ty. My first few forays into the crowded world were fun in the moment and resulted in days of sleep and recovery from the noise. The pandemic taught me the value of quiet, downtime, and space alone. When activity was stripped away, the quiet that remained turned out to be great.

In the quiet, families reconnected. You may have discovered new hobbies or reignited your love of reading. Lots of people loved the time to cook at home and eat real meals. Game night replaced running from scheduled activity to scheduled activity.

As you plan your re-entry, consider how you will preserve the quiet you found during the pandemic. (For those of you with young children, the word "quiet" isn't quite right. Maybe a better word is slowing? Calm?)

If you want more strategies for re-entering life and work smoothly and effectively, download your copy of The Corporate Rebel's Playbook for Returning to Life (and Work). It will help you decide what to keep and what to change.

Selfishness = Service

Time to read: 55.3 seconds

In January, my doctor friend sent me a text.

"You should volunteer for this. They said they need organized non-medical people, and you are the most organized non-medical person I know."

She was talking about vaccine clinics. I couldn't fill out the volunteer form fast enough.

My motivation? Me. 100% pure, selfish me.

I had to get out of my house and be among the peoples. As an extrovert in an introverted household, COVID has been parched. Being part of the action and around people I don't already know sounded like heaven. The vaccine clinics have filled a dinner party-sized hole in my life.

I'm also a great volunteer. I'm enthusiastic and friendly. I take direction and do what I'm told. My schedule is flexible so I'm available. I can talk to anyone and handle stress. I recruit friends. I bring muffins. I serve.

People have told me how grateful they are for my service, and at first I felt a little guilty because I knew I was there for the socializing.

Then it dawned on me. Both things can be true. In fact, self-interest and service are the perfect pairing.

Service is easier when you feel like you have skin in the game. It's more fun. You're more motivated. You are free from any sense of martyrdom or self-importance which keeps your eye on the prize - socializing service.

As your world starts to open to include a wider view, where can you pair your self-interest with service?

It's a lot of fun.

The Secret to Getting What You Want

Time to read: 1:01.82. I timed it.

Think about things you want:

• To be appreciated at the office
• To feel like your work is valuable
• To be recognized when you do a good job
• To have some "me time" on the weekend

Keep reading. This story will show you how to get what you want:

I'm an extrovert. (Are you surprised?)

My husband and children are introverts.

My weekends look something like this:

• Kids sleep late.
• Daughter gets out of bed, does homework, then takes a 3 hour nap.
• Son hangs out with friends, plays video games and emerges for food.
• Husband does projects in the garage and works.

I'm exaggerating to make my point, and I'm lucky if there's a party or play practice or hockey game, because those involve other parents. I would die without those other parents.

I understand my family's need to recharge after a week of extroverting at school and the office. And by Sunday, I'm chewing off my own arm from a lack of stimulation. I've been known to pick fights with my kids to generate interaction. I've complained that my family does little to support my social needs.

Then one day it hit me.

Why am I waiting for my family to fulfill my social needs?

If I need to see more people on the weekends, I need to take responsibility to make that happen.

Here's the secret to getting what you want: Give it to yourself.

If you want more appreciation, appreciate yourself. If you want to feel like your work is valued, value your own work. If you want to be recognized, bring a treat and recognize the good work at your next staff meeting. If you want more "me time," claim some time on the weekend. (My house has an over abundance of "me time." Come on over. I have some to spare.)

Here's to getting what you want!

All the best,

Christina