Introverts And Extroverts….Can't We Get Along?

Time to read: 2 min, 5 seconds. It's a long one.

We’ve explored the power of introverts and extroverts. The bottom line: Introverts are tired of being told, “speak up more,”and wish for more space to think. Extroverts never want to hear, “you are too much,” and long to brainstorm with other people.

So, in organizations, how do introverts and extroverts work effectively together?

Here are three concrete recommendations:

  1. Be transparent with each other. Instead of assuming the people know what you need, tell them. It sounds like this,
    • I am an introvert. My brain needs time to process. When I’m silent, I’m paying attention and processing multiple lines of information. I need time to synthesize and then will return with a comment or recommendation. I’m not ignoring you, and I promise, I will reply—just not this second.
    • I am an extrovert which means my brain works best when I process with other people. I think out loud so sometimes the words out of my mouth are a work in progress so don’t take them as fact. Let me think out loud and socialize. Once I’ve settled on my answer, I’ll confirm my final thoughts and requests.
  2. Pay attention to other people’s needs.
    • If you notice an introvert becoming flooded, call a break or suggest the conversation continue tomorrow. If you see an extrovert getting shut down, request to let them finish talking.
    • When you lead a meeting, structure various ways to share information. For example, give people a moment to write their thoughts before sharing. Send important requests for information ahead of time so introverts can think without being put on the spot.
  3. Take responsibility for yourself.
    • Extroverts! Go into meetings and social events with a plan to listen and ask questions. Train yourself to pause 30 seconds longer than is comfortable to give other people a chance to speak. If you are talking too much, shut your mouth.
    • Introverts! Prepare your thoughts ahead of time so you are ready to share your ideas. If you are put on the spot or your brain is full, speak up. Let the group know you need a break. Then take that break and come back refreshed and ready to share.

Many of you have reached out to say how helpful this mini-series has been. If you have additional questions, please email me . I will address them next week!

 

I'm Embarrassed To Admit This…

Time to read: 53 seconds

In my new side hustle (The Vintage Concierge), a designer asked me to put together a stack of silver plate trays for a dining room. Found these! Has zero to do with today's content. :-)

A reader asked me to talk about how to develop efficient and effective working relationships between introverts and extroverts. This topic is going to take a few weeks so keep reading!

First let me say I am uniquely qualified to talk about this subject. I am an uber-extrovert married to and parenting uber-introverts. 40 years ago, when I was young and stupid, I thought introversion was a problem to fix. "Talk more!" "Get out there!" I'm embarrassed to admit my ignorance.

My ignorance is reflected in what is often called our society's "Extrovert Ideal." Meaning, the preference in our fast-paced workplaces for the quick thinking, fast and constant talking, go-go-go style of extroverts. (The best book on the power of Introverts is Susan Cain's, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking. If you are an Extrovert, get this book. You need the education. If you are an Introvert, this book will be the most validating thing you've ever read.)

Then my daughter was born, and I witnessed her silent power and magnetic personality. Kids and adults were drawn to her. When she spoke, the room listened.

In my daughter's education and then later in coaching MBA students at the Carlson School of Management at the University of Minnesota, I saw how introverts are pushed to become something they are not (talkative). I also saw how introvert power is different from extrovert power and necessary to the success of our organizations and communities. Workplaces, schools, and families must create space for introverts to be introverts. Otherwise, we are robbing ourselves of powerful contributions.

Fun fact: Did you know that about 70% of corporate CEOs describe themselves as introverts? (Read Susan Cain's book)

Surprised? Next week, I'll talk about the benefits and detriments of Introversion. Then the following week, the benefits and detriments of Extroversion. In the fourth week, I'll share how to effectively work together.

This is a deep topic. Thank you, dear reader, for suggesting it!