Week 9: The Things You'll Never Know

Time to read: 1 m

Here's something worth remembering when it feels like your small kindness can't possibly matter against the scale of everything that's wrong: you will never know the effects of what you do.

As a coach, I have conversations with people on planes. I never see them again and have no idea what happened next. I travel all over the world, and my family will tell you, with a combination of pride and irritation, that I make friends everywhere. I constantly look for how to be the wind beneath the wings of people trying to fly.

When you show patience to the cranky gate agent, it might have been the moment that changed their week or made them kinder to the next person. Even if there was no effect on them, there was an impact on you.

When you change the temperature of a room, your family, or workplace, you aren't doing it to calculate the ROI (Return on Investment). You're doing it because it's who you've decided to be. You've made a choice.

When you do it and the next person does it, and on and on, it becomes a thing. You're not just refusing to become part of the problem; you are part of the solution. One person at a time.

That's the whole practice, the same one we've been talking about all summer. Small, deliberate choices about who you're going to be, made without needing to see where they land.

Week 8: Be The Antidote To Cynicism

Time to read: 1 minute!

Uranium Glass!

Somewhere along the way, being kind got branded as soft, like you have your head in the sand or aren't being "realistic."

I think it's the opposite. Choosing kindness in a hard world isn't naive; it's a deliberate act, made with full knowledge of how people can behave. Being kind is harder than cynicism, not easier.

Cynicism is the low-effort choice. You get to point at what's wrong and stop. Kindness requires you to show up decently even when you have evidence that decency isn't guaranteed back. That takes more strength, not less. It requires thought, intention, and self-management not to shoot back with the mean but witty thing in your head.

When you're decent, you're not being a doormat or pretending bad behavior doesn't have consequences. You can hold boundaries and still choose to be the person who doesn't add cruelty to a day that already has enough of it.

The world doesn't need more people who can point out the problem. It needs more people willing to be the counterexample. And that's YOU. (and me)

Week 7: How Do You Create Change?

Time to read: 58 seconds

Goodness, owls are cute!

All summer we've been talking about feeling well-used and being responsible for creating your life. I want to shift to how this applies to living in a chaotic world where it seems like people have lost their decency.

You can't choose the news cycle. You don't choose the driver who cut you off, how a stranger talks online, or whether the world gets kinder this year. If you could change these things, you would have a long time ago.

Here's what you are responsible for: how you treat the person in front of you.

That sounds small next to the size of national politics. It's the most important lever you have to enact real change, and it matters. Every interaction you have is a chance to either add to the noise or subtract from it.

Being the change doesn't mean fixing the world. It means refusing to let the world's worst behavior become an excuse for your own. Someone is going to be rude to a service worker today. It doesn't have to be you. Someone is going to assume the worst about a stranger today. It doesn't have to be you.

You're not responsible for how the world behaves. You are entirely responsible for how you do.

I find this concept liberating.

It All Starts With YOU

Time to read:

Lilies from my garden

A few weeks ago, when I asked what keeps you up at night, overwhelmingly you answered, "the state of the world," "how to go about daily life when so much is going on," and "people no longer caring for each other."

First, I want to acknowledge that you are right. There is so much going on. It's a constant barrage of bad news, chaos, and reasons to despair.

And…I hope.

I believe in the power of humans. Humans get seduced by power, money, greed, and ego and justify terrible things to ourselves. That is not all we are.

The world you want starts with you. Each of us has a responsibility, a duty to put out into the world the energy and behavior you wish to see in other people and in our culture.

That means:

• Be kind, even when others are not.
• Take care of yourself so you have the energy to choose your behavior. Being tired leads to unconscious reactions which are often not helpful or productive.
• Actively find ways to serve the people around you in big and small ways. What do you have to share? What can you give? As an example, we have a cherry tree in our yard, and I invited folks from my Buy Nothing FB page to pick cherries. People brought their kids. A refugee family was so happy to have a taste of home. Sharing those cherries was not a big thing. And it breathed the energy of generosity and abundance I want to feed.
• Take responsibility for yourself. This is a big one that I will break down over a few weeks. You are the agent of your life. Make your choices accordingly.

This is a start to a bigger conversation. More to come....

Do You Worry If People Are Still Kind?

Time to read:

Beautiful flowers

A few weeks ago, when I asked you what you need this summer, many of you said you worry that people have lost the ability to be kind or care about each other. I plan to write about that A LOT because I have opinions. I always have opinions. :-)

When I wrote about my father's death last week, you all flooded me with love -handwritten notes, emails, texts, cards, and even more surprising, donations in honor of my father to the Lamu Center for Preventative Health (that's the link if you are so moved). Someone even sent me a rose bush.

Many of these kind expressions are from those of you I've never met. I'll grant that we "know" each other through this forum and email. And, if you worry that people have lost the ability to be kind, not in this group of 2000.

We are a micro community in a wider community, and even though what you see in the news shows a lot of crappy behavior, humans are programmed to be kind. You prove that every day.

And I will write about this more and the ways that you feed the world you want.

Small Acts Of Kindness Matter

Time to read: 17 seconds

Mid-Century Sterling Bird Brooch

As Operation Metro Surge continues in our beloved city, I've noticed something as I go about daily life.

People are being extra kind.

I'm a transplant to Minnesota, and can attest that Minnesota-Nice is a real thing. We (They?) are genuinely nice people.

Lately, I've noticed people going out of their way to be kind. Here are some things I've observed this week (beyond the kindness of delivering food, showing up for our neighbors, and all the ways Minnesotans are giving generously):

• Letting people into traffic
• Giving other passengers hot tips to avoid the lines at the airport
• Stopping for pedestrians
• Talking to strangers
• Lots and lots of smiling
• Playing music on street corners

When the going gets tough, get kind.

Consider all the small ways you can show up in your workplace, family, and neighborhood with small acts of kindness. It takes zero effort and has a huge impact.