The Holidays Are Coming!

Time to read: 21 seconds

Swarovski Christmas dogs. Yup, I love crystal animals.

In the USA, Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and then it's the holidays!

This time of year is accelerated…year end at work, prepping for celebrations, time with family (and the complexities that can bring), and all the feelings and busyness that come with November and December. My clients already report feeling slammed.

So, until January, I'm going to make these newsletters short….a quote, a piece of advice I share often, a thought. The idea is you can dive in and in a few seconds, leave with just what you need. Easy. Effortless. You need your time elsewhere right now.

If you love the quote or thought, share it with your friends and colleagues. They can sign up to receive this newsletter here. It may be the best gift you give this year. It's free and takes up no space in your closet.

Here is today's: Pay attention to what you think about, talk about and do. If you don't like those things, change them. Talk about something else. Find something interesting to think about. Make a new choice. Even a small one.

Love to all of you! Please email anytime. I love to hear from you.

Observations On An Important Day

Time to read: 35 seconds

Our democracy at work

As I thought about writing to you this week, I wasn't sure how I would feel or what I'd want to say. None of us in the US knew what would happen in our election, and clients and friends have been on pins and needles for the past few weeks.

I work as an election judge, and I want to tell you about it. I have no profound revelations or grand conclusions, and I do have a few observations and thoughts, in no particular order:

• 5:15 am sucks. And walking to the polling place so early in the morning is quiet, lovely and yesterday, foggy.
• We live near a small college. Students came out in droves to register and vote. They were nervous. Some even shook when they held their ballot for the first time. It was inspiring to see the next generation stepping in to take ownership of their future.
• In Minnesota, polling places must be staffed by people from all parties. We have no idea who is who, and we aren't allowed to and don't talk politics. We work side-by-side for 16 hours, following the precise rules to run an election and create a welcoming environment for every voter. We talk about our kids and share recipes. We share a commitment to the integrity of the process and respect for all voters.
• It's inspiring to see people's commitment to having their voice heard - coming back multiple times with the proper documentation, running in soaking wet from the rain, an autistic woman pushing past her fears to express what she needed to cast her ballot, elderly people with walkers.

We live in a complicated and flawed world. Spending all day looking at our nation from the small window of this polling place shows us at our best.

I hope this helps.

Reach out anytime. I always love to hear from you. Email me here

What happens when you do less?

Time to read:

Hydroponic herbs. A perfect example of more with less.

An amazing thing happened this week. I did less and got more.

Before you scream, "Not the phrase 'do more with less," read on. This isn't a ploy to cut your resources.

Here's the story: I do strategic planning sessions for each person in my Clarity U group program. To prepare for the session, participants answer a set of reflection questions, send me their answers, and I prepare before we talk. My preparation involves reading their reflections multiple times and crafting a series of questions to draw out the core of their goals. The prep takes 30 minutes to more than an hour.

I had two strategic sessions today, and both clients submitted their materials a minute before our call. So, I arrived unprepared. Both sessions were deep, meaningful, and revealed exactly what the clients needed in order to establish their purpose for a year in Clarity U.

Upon reflection later, the truth is, "unprepared" is incorrect. I had believed I needed to work hard, put in the effort in order to bring value and be "ready" to help my clients. Instead, something more powerful happened.

• I entered the conversation with no preconceived notions about the person from reading their materials. Everything I learned was in the moment and brought up directly in the session.
• We trusted our relationship and our shared wisdom.
• Because I didn't have any planned questions, the clients led the call. They started where they wanted and determined the course of the conversation.
• We got to the purpose of their reason for Clarity U swiftly and efficiently, and they left with exactly what they needed.

I'm a recovering over-performer and thought I had mitigated most, if not all, of my over-performing tendencies. Then here it was today, by necessity, I did less. And the end result was so much more.

I leave you with a challenge: Find a place in your life where you can do/prepare/perform/plan less and instead, trust/relate/listen/connect more.

I hope this helps.

Reach out anytime. I always love to hear from you. Email me here

The Best Advice for Getting Things Done

Time to read: 5 seconds

This is today's actual chair

Some days you feel it, and some days you don't. Ya know?

I'm the luckiest woman alive. My job is a perfect use of my gifts and gives me a sense of purpose and meaning. It's soooo good.

And today, I don't want to write this newsletter. I'm tired. I'm cold. I miss our new college student. I'm less than inspired which means writing will be like slogging through mud. I much prefer when the ideas flow onto the page like melted butter or gooey caramel or chocolate pudding…..see? I'm distracted.

Randomly, I remembered the Italian history PhD student who lived across the alley from me and my then boyfriend (now husband). He was completing a second history PhD since the one he did in Italy didn't qualify him for jobs in the US. When I started my dissertation I asked him for advice, expecting lofty productivity and self-care tips. Here's what he said:

"Stick your butt to your chair."

That was it. Getting your work done, especially when you're not feeling it, doesn't require fancy tricks or sexy strategies. It's as simple as showing up, being willing to do something, and then guess what often happens? You get over the hump and the work flows. Or it doesn't and you stick your butt to your chair again tomorrow.

I hope this helps.

Reach out anytime. I always love to hear from you. Email me here

What We're Getting Wrong. (And how to get it right.)

Time to read: Less than 1 minute

Vermont in the fall

If you pay attention to the news, even if you don't, you can't escape the level of vitriol and meanness that seems to pervade our national and international conversations. I'd share examples but the list is long, depressing, and you already know it.

Baked into the vitriol and meanness is a sense of "us" and "them," an insistence on winning for my side while their side must lose. We are all too familiar with win-lose, and it's exhausting and anxiety producing.

Here's the thing: There is no such thing as win-lose. There's no such thing as "us" and "them."

There's only us.

Our only options are win-win or lose-lose.

Working toward win-win requires reflection and willingness to embrace complexity, paradox, uncertainty, and things you don't understand. The desire to cling to simple solutions, universal "truth," and certainty leads to choices and attitudes that cause everyone to lose.

Years ago, when I taught college, I used a game with my Group Communication class. The goal was to get the most points. Teams would sabotage each other and scrape out a point only to lose it later until the play ended with no points for either team (lose-lose). The trick to the game was collaboration. If the teams worked together, both teams won unlimited points (win-win).

Before you despair that human nature is fundamentally flawed, here's the good news. You make a difference. You can move through your day looking for and creating win-win in big and small ways, and when you do that, you feed the collective attitude. Those choices matter. Here are a few ideas then please, run with your exploration of win-win:

• Tip generously.
• Let drivers merge in traffic (and wave at the drivers who let you in).
• At the office find ways to create or offer opportunities for others to shine.
• Acknowledge good work and kindness publicly and frequently.

It's never about the details of who got what or who deserves more. It's always about the energy, the 10,000 foot view, and the choices you make to nourish win-win rather than lose-lose.

That's how powerful you are.

How Will You Spend Your Life?

Time to read: 28 seconds

How we spend our days...

Have you ever found yourself saying something like this:

When ______ happens, then I'll _____?

When….

• I retire
• my children leave home
• my aging parents move into assisted living
• I get the promotion
• I lose 10 pounds

Then I'll….

• be happy
• start dating
• pursue my hobbies
• start a side gig
• do work that fulfills me

The things you think postpone having fun/doing meaningful work/being happy is never ending. Until you decide to stop waiting. Sure, when you have a full schedule of meetings or young children at home, your time and priorities are allocated differently than when you were single (cue: every blog I've ever written about choices), and it doesn't mean you have to put off what you want for some distant "someday."

One of my favorite quotes (from writer, Annie Dillard) is, "How we spend our days is how we spend our lives."

You can have more fun now. You can rekindle a hobby or start a new one anytime this week. You can take steps toward a side gig today. You can find fulfilling aspects of the job you have by looking around with new eyes.

What's one small step you can take today toward spending your life the way you want?

Feel Good Thursday

Time to read: Less than 1 minute

This is what being brilliant looks like.

I was talking with a client today. She has been asked to step into a big new role. It's a stretch, and she's ready. She also has feelings about the change and asked me why she's having these feelings.

I shared one of my favorite quotes with her. Marianne Williamson said (edited for length),

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be….Your playing small does not serve the world….We are all meant to shine…And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Consider this when you feel afraid and vulnerable: Who are you not to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?