Practices That Change The World #9

Time to read: 36 seconds

There's a saying in coaching that goes like this, "The magic's in the telling." Oftentimes, simply telling your story of an experience is all you need to move through it.

Today's practice is LISTEN.

Here's a structure for really listening:

First, use this process for an experience that you can't seem to shake. Something that sticks to you.

Then, find a trusted person - a friend, therapist, even an aquaintance that you have good rapport with. This process can be one-direction or it's wonderful if you and the other person trade stories.

For the person talking: Your only job is to tell your story, starting wherever you want and adding in all the details.

For the person listening: Your job is to witness. You can ask clarifying questions that seek to understand. You are not care-taking, fixing, offering advice, or solving. You simply listen and witness.

Depending on the story, give yourself 1-1.5 hours. You want time to lay it all out.

Then feel the relief and watch the stickiness of your story dissipate over the next few days.

Behold the power of listening!

Have a great weekend!

Practices That Change The World #8

Time to read: 36 seconds

My son's homemade ramen

Today's practice to change the world is simple and immediately actionable:

EAT

Your day gets busy, you skip lunch, you probably skipped breakfast, too. By 1:00 you are depleted, tired, and crabby. That's because your brain is starving. Your body lacks energy.

We need you at 100% in whatever you do with your day. Solving complex engineering problems needs food. Managing human relationships needs food. Parenting children of any age definintely needs food.

Energy bars don't cut it. Coffee is not breakfast. Popcorn doesn't count as dinner.

Your brain and body need real food. A few years ago, I realized that I get so absorbed in coaching that I forgot to eat lunch. My goals for that year included "eat lunch everyday." That's not a lofty, glamorous goal and eating lunch everyday created profound change.

So, put down this newsletter and eat.

Then do it again tomorrow and this weekend and forever.

Have a great weekend!

Practices That Change The World #7

Time to read: 56 seconds

2023 started intensely. Chaos. Crisis. Emotions. No pause or time to breathe. Last week I finally had a chance to breathe, recover, and reflect.

For today's "practices that change the world," I am going to start with a story. (My parents granted me permission to tell it.)

My mother made an emergency trip to the hospital two weeks ago. I got THAT phone call and in 20 minutes was showered, packed and in the car to the airport. If you've ever done this, you know what the next week was like. (For all you caring folks, my mom is home and doing well.)

In the middle of it all, we received disappointing news that meant more days in the hospital. We were discouraged and sad.

I was the chief note-taker and candy striper so I looked at my parents and said,

"What would make this suck 5% less?"

My parents: "answers to medical questions....going home."

Me: "Not in the future. What can I do right now that would improve this experience by 5%?"

My father said, "beer."

My mother said, "a massage."

I said, "better food."

Which brings me to today's practice....

What can you do right now...this minute...that will improve your experience by 5%?

Studies show that a beer, a massage, and better food improve your experience by 10-15%. In fact, those things created sublime moments in the midst of difficulty. When you aim for 5% better right now, you often get so much more.

I love to hear from you. What's your 5% better?

Have a great weekend!

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Practices That Change The World #6

Time to read: one minute that includes a powerful exercise that will change the world right now

I am here this week.

Today's practice is an actual practice. In the one minute it takes you to read this newsletter, you are going to do something that will change the world.

Pause

Victor Fankl said, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is the power to choose our response. In that response, lies our growth and our freedom."

So, right now, wherever you are...on the train, in your office, in your kitchen....Stop. Breathe. Pause. Notice. Do this for 30 seconds and see what happens.

Then if you're inspired, hit reply to this email and tell me all about it. I love to hear from you!

Have a great weekend!

Practices That Change The World #5

Time to read: 46 seconds

I promise this is not staged

A client named Leslie retired on December 30, 2022 and is moving to her dream city to start her new life. We've worked together in Clarity U for 2.5 years so I've had the honor of witnessing her transformation from fear (Will I have enough money? Who am I without my career?) to joy. (I'm moving to Santa Fe! I have a new house!)

On a group call today, she offered her writing and inspired today's pracitice to change the world.

Embrace change

The fact is, everything changes. When you welcome change, life becomes easier. I hope you are as inspired as I am by Leslie's beautiful words:

What falls away as I age to reveal the beauty in the now.

• Striving becomes being
• Planning becomes allowing
• Impatience becomes contentment
• Hurrying becomes peaceM
• Achieving becomes loving what is
• Wanting becomes accepting
• Yearning becomes insight into what is important

Have a wonderful weekend!

Hello, World!

Practices That Change The World #4

Time to read: 5 seconds

Hey you!

Today is going to be very short as I am out of town dealing with a family emergency.

Here is Practices that Change the World #4.

Show up

You can't fix many things. You can't stop the march of time. You can't prevent sadness and heartache for the people you love. And it matters that you are there. That you show up. That your love is visible in your actions.

It's as simple as this: Your presence is enough.

Be well and have a good weekend.

Practices That Change The World #3

Time to read: 56 seconds

My daughter and I made this Yule Log. We really did. So proud.

In a conversation with a friend last week, I gave our family's winter break a B-. Moments were an A+ and other times definitely a D. On balance, a B- seemed about right.

I felt fine with this assessment, and the thought continued to roll around in my head. Then I realized, I was measuring the break from the standpoint of comfort and joy. However, if I looked at our break from the standpoint of growth, learning and connection, it was an A+++++.

Which brings me to Changing the World Practice #3.

Shift the lens

Consider these examples:

• You judge yourself harshly for the resentment you felt when the work of hosting fell to you. Shift the lens: Drop the resentment and see the situation as a lesson in setting boundaries and owning your preferences.
• A work colleague didn't make your request a priority. Now you're angry and behind in a project. Shift the lens: Your colleague also has a full plate of conflicting priorities and is doing the best they can. This is an opportunity for you to grow yourself as someone who speaks up while maintaining connection.
• Someone cut you off in traffic, and you want to flip them off. Shift the lens: You have no idea what's happening in that person's life. They could be racing to the hospital or late for a job interview after months of unemployment. It's not worth it to put one ounce of energy into things that happen in traffic.

It's so easy to slip into blame and judgment of yourself and others. When you shift your lens, a whole new world of possibilities opens up and your days get much easier.

Thoughts? Comments? Email me here I love to hear from you.