Lessons I Live By #4. No Such Thing As Win-Lose

Time to read: a few short seconds

1960s Bambi and Faline. Some of you won't care (like my husband. Someone of you will love them!)

Once upon a time, back in my corporate days, our main competitor had a major win in the market. I observed to one of my colleagues that this was bad news. "They win, we lose," right?

She said actually, a win for our competitor was good news for us because it meant there was a pathway and market for our similar products. Ah, that is what win-win looks like.

In life and work, your only options are win-win and lose-lose. Win-lose is a fallacy based on scarcity and fear. Win-lose implies there isn't enough to go around, and puts you in constant competition with your colleagues, friends, and neighbors. The fact is that someone else's success means success (however you define it) is available to you, too.

A rising tide raises all ships. Look for ways to raise the tide and find a win-win. It's good for you, and good for everyone else, too.

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Practices That Change The World #3

Time to read: 56 seconds

My daughter and I made this Yule Log. We really did. So proud.

In a conversation with a friend last week, I gave our family's winter break a B-. Moments were an A+ and other times definitely a D. On balance, a B- seemed about right.

I felt fine with this assessment, and the thought continued to roll around in my head. Then I realized, I was measuring the break from the standpoint of comfort and joy. However, if I looked at our break from the standpoint of growth, learning and connection, it was an A+++++.

Which brings me to Changing the World Practice #3.

Shift the lens

Consider these examples:

• You judge yourself harshly for the resentment you felt when the work of hosting fell to you. Shift the lens: Drop the resentment and see the situation as a lesson in setting boundaries and owning your preferences.
• A work colleague didn't make your request a priority. Now you're angry and behind in a project. Shift the lens: Your colleague also has a full plate of conflicting priorities and is doing the best they can. This is an opportunity for you to grow yourself as someone who speaks up while maintaining connection.
• Someone cut you off in traffic, and you want to flip them off. Shift the lens: You have no idea what's happening in that person's life. They could be racing to the hospital or late for a job interview after months of unemployment. It's not worth it to put one ounce of energy into things that happen in traffic.

It's so easy to slip into blame and judgment of yourself and others. When you shift your lens, a whole new world of possibilities opens up and your days get much easier.

Thoughts? Comments? Email me here I love to hear from you.