Difficult Conversations: How To Prepare

Time to read: 1 minute, 23 seconds

I don't take photos of people in conflict so you're gonna get random pictures of my pets. :-)

Last week, I talked about handling your emotions so you can enter a difficult conversation as cleanly as you can.

A comment about your emotions: That advice assumes, of course, that you have time to give yourself space (for example: when informing an employee they won't be getting a raise). You may find yourself delivering bad news in an emergency (for example, "Dad is in the hospital!"). The same conversational structure applies, and you may not have time to temper your own emotions before you make the phone call.

When you have time, I highly recommend preparation. Think about these things:

• What is the purpose of the conversation?
• What do you hope you and the other person will get out of it?
• What will you say?
• How will you say it?
• Who do you want to be in the conversation?

I recommend writing a script for yourself or at least some thoughts. It's not like you have to walk in with a set of notecards. And, it helps to know the point you want to make, the important information to convey, and how you want to conduct yourself.

Your script might look like this:

• Conversation with sister.
• Goal, get aligned on care for our parents. Stay in a relationship when we don't see eye-to-eye.
• Opening sentence: It's clear we both love our parents. What I'm about to say may be hard to hear. Please stay with me as we work through this emotional situation.
• Being: Be loving and slow down. Remember to listen and value what she says. Connect, even when it's hard.

Preparation will make the conversation go smoothly (although, coming soon…you have no control over how the other person responds).

Next week: How to open the conversation

Please reach out anytime with your questions and comments. I love to hear from you! Email me here.

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Job Searching 101: It's For Everyone!

Time to read: 25 seconds

I've had many, many job seekers reach out recently so I'm going to spend a few weeks giving you my best advice about job hunting.

Before you decide, "I have a job, I don't need this information," this advice is for everyone, whether you are happy in your job, looking for a job, or dreaming about your next move.

Consider yourself a job seeker, even if you have a stable job. You never know when your next opportunity will arise, the layoff will occur, your family will move, or you decide it's time for a change.

Change is the name of the game. You own your career. You want to keep things fresh, be active in your field, continue to learn and grow, meet people, and have interesting conversations. Those activities are the same whether you are actively looking for a job today or simply keeping things open for the future.

The point of today's newsletter is you are always looking for a job, even if you don't actually need one right now. I don't mean this as a high-pressure statement. Actually, keeping things fresh and staying on top of your career can be fun.

That's what I'll be talking about for a few weeks. If you have a friend or colleague who could benefit from 14 years of experience in career development and job seeking, please hit forward and share this newsletter with them. They can subscribe here to receive the whole series.

The 6 Elements Of A Powerful Support System

Time to read: 1 minute, 45 seconds. It's a long one, based on an article I wrote for the Rancho La Puerta newsletter

It’s been a rough two years. As many of us learned the hard way, humans are not meant to be isolated. We are social creatures. We live in communities. We depend on each other for physical and emotional support. During the pandemic, our external support structures were eliminated or reduced – religious organizations, school, workplaces, yoga studios, the list goes on. We got creative. We prioritized our relationships and decided who was worth another hour on Zoom.

The world is opening, and we are seeing each other again. Now is a great time to think about consciously crafting your support system.

I think of support systems in 6 categories. You’ll access each kind of support for different things and look to different people to provide them. Sometimes you'll pay for expertise and other times, you'll get help from friends, yourself, or even strangers.

Here are the 6 Elements of a Powerful Support System:

1. Physical: You need people to help you carry boxes, cut your hair, and renovate a bathroom. You need physical support in the hospital or from your massage therapist. Some physical support will be intimate (a home-health nurse), and some will be casual (the technician who fixes your dishwasher). You can hire it (like movers) or receive it (like the person who holds the door when your arms are full of groceries).
2. Advice: Sometimes you need an expert to tell you what to do - like an accountant for your taxes, an attorney for your estate plan, or a mentor to help you navigate company politics. Other times, you need friends to tell you how to handle a delicate social situation or a colleague to brainstorm a conversation with your VP.
3. Emotional: When you're crying or you want to scream, you need people who will hold space for your feelings. The best emotional support never judges, doesn't give advice or solutions, and makes room for your messy humanness. You can hire emotional support like a therapist or coach or get it for free from family and friends.
4. Deep personal support is best in the form of therapy or a coach. It's the kind of support that gets under your patterns, helps you heal old wounds and points you toward the truth in your choices. Sometimes deep support feels nurturing, other times it is uncomfortable. When done well, it leads to lasting freedom and peace.
5. Spiritual: Spiritual support gives you answers to big questions, like meaning of life kind of stuff. It comes in seen forms like religious organizations, nature, therapists, coaches, and spiritual advisors. It also comes in forms you can't see like God, soul, angels, and spirit guides. A beautiful sunrise on a hike at The Ranch is spiritual support.
6. Self: You are one of your best supports. You create structures and routines to care for your body and mind like sleep, nutrition, and exercise. You provide your own emotional support by having compassion for yourself through all of life's ups and downs. You take responsibility for your choices and care for yourself when things get hard.

Do you notice gaps in your support structure? Yay! Go fill them. Is your support structure strong and balanced? Yay! You're ready to ride life's waves.

One parting thought: You are a support structure for others,

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Have a great weekend!