Holiday Toolkit #2: 3 Ways To Lose The Martyr And Have More Fun!

Time to read:

When you feel like all the work is on your shoulders and your to-do list is 5 pages long, perhaps you are being a martyr. If you feel resentful about any aspect of your holiday (Why is everyone always at my house? Why am I in the kitchen when everyone else is watching football?), you are definitely being a martyr.

Ouch. That word can be hard to absorb. (I don't know anyone who ever feels like a martyr. Nope. No one around here.)

There's good news, though!

When you see yourself sacrificing your own peace and joy for the sake of performing, looking good, proving something, or maintaining control, you have taken the first step toward changing it.

Here are 3 ways to drop the martyr and have more fun this holiday.

• Ask for help. Ask other people to step in and take over some of the plans. This, of course, means....
• Relinquish control. Let other people contribute in their own ways, even if that's messy or not the way you'd do it. There is no rule about a "perfect" holiday. What people remember is the connection and fun so release the pressure on yourself and let some balls drop if necessary.
• Martyr is the wounded aspect of the Magician. So, when you feel like a martyr, where can you instead lean into what's magic about you? Maybe you hate cooking and love setting a beautiful table. Let other people cook and lean into your love of beauty. If no one wants to decorate the tree with you, instead of pressuring people (martyr), put on some music and enjoy your beautiful tree (magician).

The minute you feel even a whiff of resentment, ask yourself what you need to do for yourself (not what can you demand from others) to bring yourself back into alignment with YOU. It may involve redesigning the way you do your holidays so you have more fun. And guess what, when you have more fun, so will those around you!

Here's to ease in your holidays!

Your Holiday Toolkit #1.5: Forgive Yourself

Time to read: 31 seconds

Christmas in Pokhara, Nepal

I'm laughing out loud. I wrote all my holiday newsletters and pre-scheduled them since I am traveling and working and taking time off in December. I scheduled two of them for the same day last week so you got a double dose of Corporate Rebel.

That means you get a bonus tool for the holidays so here is #1.5: Forgive when things aren't perfect.

See how I turned my mistake into a lesson?

So many things go wrong during the holidays…the pie gets dropped on the ground, gifts are the wrong size, family gets sick, people are annoying, __________ (fill in the blank on the thousands of things that can go wrong).

Do this when you make a mistake:

• Have a good laugh at yourself.
• Use your mistake to build your humility.
• Use your mistake as a way to have grace for other people's mistakes.
• Move forward.

Things don't always turn out as you expect. And sometimes, the mistake leads to something even better. (Like a bonus holiday tool and a dose of humility!)

Here's to your learning (and mine)!

Your Holiday Toolkit #1: Make Things Easier!

Time to read: 58 seconds

For the next few newsletters, as the holidays approach like a speeding train, I am going to give you one tool a week designed to make your holiday easier, smoother, and more joyful.

Tool #1 Simplify

You are probably already gift shopping, menu planning, and either traveling or expecting guests. You might have office parties, friend gatherings, and time with family. The sheer volume of activity can be overwhelming, even if you love the holidays. If you have a family conflict or aren't a big fan of the holidays, the stress can be huge.

My strong recommendation: Simplify

Pick one aspect of the holidays that means a lot to you and simplify everything else. For me, I love the food. Planning, shopping, preparing and eating. However, I wrap gifts in newspapers and reusable cloth bags. I don't bother with fancy packaging.

If you have many priorities, how can you do less of each one? Maybe make 3 kinds of cookies instead of 10. Serve cheese instead of homemade snacks. Organize a potluck rather than do all the cooking yourself.

I've already heard many clients and friends say, "How am I going to get everything done before the holidays?" Look for every place you can simplify so you have more time for yourself and those you love.

Next week, I'll share how to know if you're doing too much and what else you can do about that.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

What To Do When You Feel Like You Can't Do Anything

Time to read: 1 second

My list of top line practices

Lately, I've talked with many clients about anxiety and exhaustion. It's year-end, and people are busy. Everyone is ready for a break.

Can you relate?

When you are overwhelmed, burned out, or you've gotten to the point where you can't imagine scheduling one.more.thing, here's what to do. (Credit for this idea goes to Liz Gilbert who was interviewed on Glennon Doyle's podcast, We Can Do Hard Things.)

Create a list of ten top-line behaviors you can turn to when you feel like you've got nothing left. This list is for low motivation. Sadness. Transition. Stress. Make a list of 10 things you know you can do easily.

Here are examples:

• organize your sock drawer
• meditate
• snuggle your dog
• knit
• read
• bake
• purge your pens of ones that don't work or ones you just don't like (I do this when I'm having trouble getting started on something)
• go for a walk
• call a friend

I keep my list on my phone and recommend that clients document their lists someplace easy to access. The whole point is you don't have to think about it. You simply look at the list and go. If you have to, you do the list for days until you find your mojo again.

I hope this helps.

One Word That Will Bring You Peace And Calm

Time to read: 42 seconds

Life and work change. You have a period of stability then things change again. Every day, I hear from people about layoffs, new babies, new bosses, retirement, sudden illness, reorganizations, and of course the stress of everything happening in our world right now.

I've thought a lot recently about what brings peace and calm. The best answer I've found is one word:

Complexity

When you grip the status quo ("But I loved my old boss") or cling to the one way something must be ("I am someone who works. No way I'm retiring.") you stay stuck, limit your options, and find yourself standing rigidly in one corner, certain that you're right.

The irony is that holding complexity helps you loosen your grip, and find ease in curiosity and understanding. Peace comes from being able to see how two contradictory things can be true at the same time.

When you can see that, all kinds of new possibilities open up.

Happy fall!

Ready For A Change?

Time to read: 1 minute, 46 seconds

When Deana called me, she loved her job as the Executive Director of Business Operations for a big company in a big city. Then the pandemic hit in the middle of her Clarity U cohort, and change came fast and furious. Work from home. The possibility of an early retirement. Maybe even a move.

Deana wrestled with these decisions. Retiring from her job...moving to a new city…what did that mean for her financially? What did it mean for her identity? Thanks to the tools she learned in Clarity U, Deana retired with style and picked up stakes and moved to a new home in her dream city.

Deana says,

"I would say Clarity U helped me sort through all the old patterns, voices and stories that were getting in my way. The program was chock full of tools, concepts, methods, and approaches facilitated by a strong, intuitive, and caring coach and undergirded with peer support, feedback, and encouragement. From my new home in Santa Fe, I am filled with gratitude for the tools and people who helped me get here."

If you want a slice of what Deana found, I'd love to talk!

I've opened my calendar to connect with you 1:1. Choose a time here . We'll talk through what's going on in your world, find a solution or two and explore if Clarity U is a good fit for you.

Clarity U starts on November 16 so the window to chat with me will close soon.

I look forward to talking with you!

How To Resolve Your Burnout

A vacation to Paris, although pretty great, isn't going to fix it.

One word for you. Burnout.

I hear about burnout a lot. Any of this ring true for you?

• Exhaustion
• Lack of motivation
• That sick feeling on Sunday afternoon
• Wondering if you need to quit or work at Target

A number of my clients have taken sabbaticals or in some cases, lengthly leaves which might end up lasting forever. Friends have resolved their burnout by quitting intense jobs to become baristas.

You think you can fix your burnout with a fruity drink under a beach umbrella? The thing is, when you return to work and life, all the conditions that led to your burnout are still there.

So it becomes a cycle.

Burnout, rest. Burnout, rest.

The exhaustion and lack of motivation never resolve.

Does this sound like you or someone you know?

Good news! I'm going to give you all my best tips and strategies for managing your energy at the live event, Energizing U. You'll be able to take what you learn into your life to change the conditions and resolve the exhaustion so you feel more energized and motivated in your work and life.

If you're not burned out, please come. What we're talking about has universal application wherever you are in life.

Energizing U is 11:00am - 12:00pm CT on Thursday October 26. If you want to amp up your energy and movtivation, this one's for you! Sign up here.