Feel Good Thursday

Time to read: Less than 1 minute

This is what being brilliant looks like.

I was talking with a client today. She has been asked to step into a big new role. It's a stretch, and she's ready. She also has feelings about the change and asked me why she's having these feelings.

I shared one of my favorite quotes with her. Marianne Williamson said (edited for length),

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be….Your playing small does not serve the world….We are all meant to shine…And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Consider this when you feel afraid and vulnerable: Who are you not to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

 

When You're Uncomfortable, Do This….

Time to read: 36 little seconds

Kids off to college!

My clients are changing careers, managing large teams through murky corporate restructuring, contemplating retirement, supporting their own businesses, and starting new jobs. People are approaching weddings, family drama, and children leaving home for college. As you've probably heard and felt yourself, it's a lot.

What do all these things have in common? They make you uncomfortable.

Most of these changes are good things… eventually. The road to get there is paved with uncertainty which can lead to fear, powerlessness, and the urge to do something.

Doing something to stave off discomfort leads to these kinds of choices:

  • over-performing
  • drinking
  • drama and conflict
  • avoiding
  • denial

Let's just say, these aren't the most effective choices and each one carries its own undesirable consequences. You have another option when you feel uncomfortable.

Stay

This doesn't mean stick around in a bad situation. Stay means remain alert, keep going, pay attention, know you can live with your discomfort, and trust yourself to know when it's time to act.

Just stay

It's simple. Easy. Costs nothing.

Do you have a friend or colleague who is trying to live in a blender of change? Please forward this blog to them. They can sign up for it here.

 

Take Action!

Time to read: Action! Action! Action! 46.5 seconds

Today a client (let's call her Jane) told me she was waffling about sending a text to a neighbor to hang out after a frustrating day at work. She wanted the company and feared she was bothering her neighbor or asking for too much. She swallowed the second guessing, sent the text, got an instant "yes!" and enjoyed a glass of wine and her neighbor's companionship. She felt better after a hard day.

What I love about this story is the action orientation. Jane didn't analyze why she was afraid to send the text. She didn't succumb to not sending the text. She simply sent the text and got a result.

Action produces results. Guaranteed.

  • You can plan to share a new idea with your boss. Sharing the idea will generate feedback, additional ideas, and energy. Even hearing "no" will generate energy.
  • Joining a new club will instantly lead to new relationships and experiences.
  • Applying for a job will create an updated resume, interview planning, and momentum even if you don't get the job.
Action leads to more action. On and on it goes.

So, make the call, book the trip, send the email, sign up for the class, say the thing. You'll be glad you did.

If you are one of the many people who forward these emails to your friends and colleagues, please make sure they know they can sign up for this newsletter here

Have a great weekend!

 

Why You Can Stop Worrying About Your Career

Time to read: 2:19.26 minutes
At camp, being…well…campy.

At camp, being…well…campy.

This summer, while I was working at my children's summer camp, I offered pro-bono coaching to the staff. After 30-hours of early morning sessions with a group of 19-26-year-olds, I started to notice patterns. Then, when considering my MBA, private and corporate clients, I realized there is an arch to the career journey characterized by age and phase of life. Daily, I hear people worrying about their careers and life choices. My goal today is to reassure you whether this is your first rodeo or your one-hundredth.

(Note: I'm not a huge fan of reducing individual experience to a one-size-fits all label so know that as I share these observations with you, the boundaries are fuzzy, and professional and personal experiences are as unique as you are.)

Age 19 - mid to late 20s: Exploration. If you are in this age group, you are likely laying awake a night worrying that you don't know what you want to be or if you should marry the guy or dump him, or if you will ever be able to afford a house. These early years of career development are fraught with worry and doubt.

My message? Have fun! Explore! Try some stuff. Work at a ski resort. Deliver pizza in New Zealand. Apprentice yourself to that scientist in the woods. Trust yourself.

Bottom line: Stop worrying.

Age 25 - late 20s (or if you're like me, early 30s): Roots. If you are here, you are starting to wonder about settling down. Living in one place starts to seem more attractive than seasonal employment and traveling all the time. Not surprisingly, as your perspective shifts, you start to find potential life partners. You might be hungry to get a career started and work, work, work. This is a great age to be a consultant or to have a job with lots of travel. You might be worrying if you are ready for commitments and responsibility.

My message? Embrace the change in perspective. Put down those roots. Make choices. If you're chomping at the bit to work, then work. Nothing is set in stone. You can always change direction. Trust yourself.

Bottom line: Stop worrying.

Age mid-30s to mid to late 40s: Complexity. Before this phase, you think you understand your priorities (career!). Then you have kids. Or your parents get sick. Or you get laid off. Or something else interrupts your perfect plan. Life gets complex, and your priorities start to shift again. If you are in this phase, you are likely worrying if you have invested too many years in the wrong job or if you should stay home with your children or if you will ever get that promotion or if you should try for an overseas assignment or if you are saving enough for retirement.

My message? Get back in touch with your values. Learn to live with increasing uncertainty. Be intentional in your choices. Make choices. Don't just stumble along doing what you think you're supposed to. Trust yourself.

Bottom line: Stop worrying.

Age late 40s to late 50s or early 60s: Confidence. If this is you, you likely care a lot less what people think. You're clearer about your gifts and are using them in the world. If you are a career professional, you've developed a level of expertise - even if that expertise spans many different specific job descriptions (like me). You're getting wiser. And calmer. Some things may be shaken up or re-negotiated - divorce, kids getting older, getting reconnected to past hobbies and interests. You might worry if you even remember who you are anymore.

My message? Get close with your gifts. Don't be afraid to be brave about necessary life changes. Own what you love. Be who you are. Trust yourself.

Bottom line: Stop worrying.

Mid to late 60s and 70s. Letting go. I rely on dear friends and mentors for anything I know about this phase. If you're here, your relationship to work as you've known it is shifting. You're excited about the prospect of well-earned freedom even as you worry about your identity and can't wait to purge your house. For some, the temptation to cling to a professional identity over-powers the potential expansion of possibilities making the transition to this powerful phase of life more difficult.

My message? Keep going! Have fun! Embrace the possibilities of a newly wide-open playing field. Invest your energy in the things that are most important to you.

Bottom line: Stop worrying.

Here's your challenge: Can you can find the point of this article?

Rebel love to you!

Christina

P.S. Do you have a friend who is fretting about one of these career phases? Share the love with them by forwarding this email. They can sign up to join us right here.

 

Do You Dread Bad News?

My little bunnies many years ago.

My little bunnies many years ago.

When you apply for a new job, go for a promotion or put your hat into the ring for something you really, really, want, do you lie awake at night worrying, "What if I get bad news?"

I'm in this exact spot, and this week I realized there may be no such thing as bad news. Wouldn't that be awesome? Here's what I mean...

My daughter is heading to high school next year, and my son has decided to consider joining her at a new school. This means they have applied to a number of places, and we have waited MONTHS to find out if they are admitted. We find out this week. (I'm doing lots of yoga and meditation to stay calm as the minutes tick by.)

Yesterday a friend commented that she hopes we don't get the "bad letter." When I heard those words, something in me clicked and my nerves calmed the heck down.

There really is no possible "bad letter" that could arrive this week. They will either be admitted or they won't. You will either get the job or you won't. Those are the simple facts. It's the story that you make up about the facts that causes the late-night worrying. Try these on:

"If I don't get the promotion, it's because I'm not respected by senior management."

"If I don't get this job, it was my last chance and my career will stall, and I'll eventually be homeless."

"If my kids don't get into this school, then…. what?….Their lives are over? They are destined for a horrible high school experience? Their future is in jeopardy?"

Can you see how ridiculous this thinking is?

The arrival of supposed "bad" news, is simply the arrival of additional information. And with that information you make your next choice. Do you stay at the company or move on? Do you do something different in your job search or try again? Do you retool your skills so you are better qualified next time?

The fact of the matter is that things always turn out. Something always results, and you are always ready to handle whatever it is, even if it's painful. My children will go to high school. You will have opportunities if you want them. They are growing into amazing people. You are an amazing person. That's what matters.

So, you (and I) can let go of the fear of the "bad" letter and know that all you have to do is be ready to make your next move.

So simple.

With rebel love,

Christina

P.S. I'd love it if you'd share this post with your colleagues, friends and family. Word of mouth is the best way to spread good stuff. Your friends can sign up here to get the a weekly dose of insight, wisdom, and good humor to make them happier and more fulfilled at work (and in life).

 

What's the right response to everything that's happening?

Estimated read time: Les than one minute.

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It's been avoiding sitting down to write this newsletter. What does someone who writes about work have to say about the tragic events of the past week?

Do you ever feel like things are so big and complex and wonder where to find your contribution? I do, and it exhausts me sometimes. Like today.

I'm going straight to the point.

The human world is driven by two forces, love and fear. Love can feel like the harder option because it requires vulnerability, openness, risk, and courage.

Love is the only option, and love belongs at work.

Here's your challenge. You are a leader. Leaders take responsibility for their worlds. Leaders take care of their people. Go find some people and take care of them. This week put love into your world every day, especially at work.

Here are some suggestions to get you started:

  • Bring coffee to your officemates, especially the ones you don't like.
  • Let the person in front of you merge into traffic.
  • Leave an extra tip for your server.
  • Pay for someone's meal at the cafeteria. Even better if it's a stranger.
  • Call a colleague you'd honestly rather just email.
  • Tell your boss what you appreciate about him/her. Even better, do it in writing.

Each action you take this week, at work and at home, ask yourself if you are coming from love or fear. Then choose love. The impact on the greater world will be tremendous.

In love,

Christina

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