How to Stop That Devil On Your Shoulder

Time to read: 39 little seconds


I was talking to a new client recently, and he told me that every time he goes to networking events, a voice in his head tells him he has nothing to say, no one is interested, and that everyone else is a better networker.

No wonder networking seems hard and discouraging.

Networking is a popular place for this negative talk track to appear. Perhaps, for you, the voice appears in public presentations, in conversations with your boss, during job interviews or project meetings, dating, in-laws or college reunions. Choose your favorite situation.

You can't succeed in networking, interviews or conversations when you treat yourself negatively.

To dilute the negative voice, try this:

Think about someone you love - a friend, a sibling, or one of your children. Now imagine them at the networking event with you following them around whispering in their ear that they aren't good enough and will never succeed.


You'd never do that to them, right?

And yet, you do it to yourself.

Again, imagine the person you love. If you were a bug in their ear, how would you encourage them? What would you say?

See where this is going?! At the risk of connecting obvious dots...

Say those things to yourself.

Networking (and presentations and conversations with your boss and interviews) just got a whole lot easier.

Write to me and tell me all about it!

Rebel love to you!


P.S. Know someone who could use a weekly dose of positivity and tips for being happy in corporate life? They can join here.


For All the Men. A Tough Love Note on Valentine's Day.


Happy Valentine's Day Rebels,

If you are a man or if you love a man or two, this newsletter is for you.

I'm going to cut straight to the chase, no soft start, no cute story. It's Valentine's Day after all, and I want to give you this loving gift right away.

  • 1. Men, you are more than your job.

  • 2. Don't wait until retirement to do the things that make you happy.

There are a number of reasons it felt urgent to make that point today. Here they are:

  • Tom. When I knew Tom in our corporate days, he was a tightly wound, hilarious leader who loved his family and told epic stories of being at the office on Christmas Eve. He retired a few years ago and was finally working at the beer store and enjoying his adult children. Two years into his retirement, he died suddenly, and we were all crying in church while his children spoke.

  • Frank: He retired and finally was taking the master gardening class he could never fit into his schedule. He died before he finished the class.

  • Bill: When Bill called me a year ago, going to work made him sick to his stomach. In his mid-60s, he had to drag himself to his job every day and drag himself home with nothing to show for the hours at the office. Rather than doing the work of releasing the past and redefining a broader identity for himself, he decided to double down on his job and continue for 4 more years until he felt he could retire.

  • My beloved father-in-law. He was an amazing CFO, loved doing taxes, and served on many boards until Alzheimers robbed him of his ability to crunch numbers and communicate financial strategy. He had no hobbies, and no outside interests, which left him lost.

I can name at least two other men who died within a couple of years of their retirement. My heart breaks every time I hear this story.

And that is why I wanted to send you this Valentine. You are more than your work. Who you are matters. Who you are to your family and friends matters.

If you feel like you have let your friendships go, decide to make some new ones. You deserve to do things you love and that make you happy. You deserve to take care of your body and mind even while you work. And it's ok to love working. I love working. Just don't put off the chance to develop other wonderful parts of yourself until retirement. You are loved.

Happy Valentine's Day.


P.S. Does your dad, brother, husband, best friend, boss need to hear this message? Forward this email to them. They can join here to learn ways to embrace their happiness.


Christmas Magic. It's Not Just for Christmas Anymore!

Time to read: A magical 49 seconds.

Christmas magic is available to you every day!

Christmas magic is available to you every day!

Greetings rebels!

Do you believe in Santa?

When my children were little, they'd ask me if Santa was real. My answer was always a fine line between my value of honesty and the fun of keeping the magic alive. My typical reply? "Well, honey. I believe in the magic of Christmas, and Santa is part of that magic."

Even though the Santa thing has been busted now that my kids are teenagers, I still believe in the magic of Christmas. Even more, I've come to realize that the magic of Christmas is actually present in every day life if you know where to look.

Do you experience magic in your every day life?

Try on these examples so you can start to find the magic, even at the office. This idea is not as woo-woo as it sounds.

  1. You think you're late to catch a flight, and the plane ends up being delayed. You make your flight.
  2. Your roof needs a repair, and you get a surprise bonus from your boss for just the amount to cover it.
  3. You're tired, crabby and lonely after a hard day at work, and your best friend from high school calls to check in.
  4. You stumble across that book in a used bookstore on... (fill in the blank)... that you've always wanted.

Sure, logic might explain these things as lucky coincidences. My husband said to me this morning when I was mooning over the magic of finding a lost password that "the googles know everything." It's possible that there's only luck or Google. And isn't it more fun to entertain the possibility that magic works in your life every day?

Look around and see what you can see.

Christmas magic all the time. Even at work. Now that's pretty awesome.

With rebely, Christmas love!


P.S. Share the Christmas magic with your colleagues and friends. They can join us here.