I Lost My Email. Guess What Happened?

Time to read: 15 seconds. Still time to join Rebooting U: 2 seconds

I got a new computer (battery died on old one, blah, blah, blah) and in the transfer of data, my email went insane (that's the technical term) and deleted archived emails.

How many? Don't know.

From whom? Have no idea.

At first I freaked out. I save all those emails for a reason - to reply to people later, as reminders to do something, or to remember something funny or important. I begged my husband tech support team to find and restore what was lost.

Then I realized...

Those emails don't matter.

It's been a few days, and the world still turns. No one has been offended. I have no idea what those emails were about. If they were important, people will email again or I'll remember what I said I'd do. In short: Nothing happened. Losing those emails was a complete non-event.

From this non-event, here are two lessons for you:

1. You think things matter that actually don't. The pandemic taught us that lesson in spades.
2. You can trust yourself to keep track of what's important. The pandemic taught us that lesson, too.

So, consider one thing you think is important that actually isn't. Remove it. It was liberating to have only 5 emails in my inbox for a few hours.

I hope this helps.

Awkward transition...

The second class for Rebooting U is tomorrow at 11:00 CT. You can still join us. Sign up and I'll send you the recording of the first class about Recover: Your Brain on Stress. You can get more information and sign up here.

If you're in the US, have a great holiday weekend.

Time to Say Good-Bye

Time to read: Less than 2 little minutes of your day.

Good-bye old dream.

Thanks to Marie Kondo, I've put every item in my house through the "joy-o-meter." When I started this process, I could not have foreseen the depth of the letting go.

This process has taken more courage than I anticipated.

One of the hardest pieces has been saying good-bye to old dreams and accomplishments. That got me thinking of you. Where do you allow old dreams to clog your present and your future?

Here's what I mean.

I have a PhD, and 20 years ago I spent months traveling in India, interviewing women dairy farmers, and learning from them how they work within a system of powerful dairy cooperatives to find their own power. It was an amazing project. Women gave generously of their time and stories, and we formed life-long bonds. When my dissertation was complete, a book publisher asked to meet. At that meeting, I knew I didn't want to publish a book. I didn't want to be an academic.

I walked away.

In times of doubt, I look back wistfully thinking I could have been a leading expert on cooperatives, traveling the world to conferences and interfacing with the luminaries in international development. Maybe I could have been a luminary. In times of self-judgment, I chastise my young self for being stupid and selfish.

A well-organized box of cassettes, transcripts and notes has moved with me from apartments to houses. This stuff pre-dates my children. The box has sat there for 20 years radiating the tiniest ray of hope that maybe, someday, I'll publish that book.

Marie Kondo forced me to be honest with myself. I'm never going to publish that book, and it's time to let it go. Here is what I learned from throwing those cassettes, transcripts and notes into the trash:

1. Your old dreams mattered. They mattered then, and they are in you now. You don't need to keep artifacts to take the meaning with you.


2. If you haven't written the book, or built the invention, or taught the class, or started the business, you aren't going to. Be honest with yourself. There is no shame in changing your dream and letting the old ones go. In fact, you have to.


3. Holding onto an old dream, even subconsciously, is blocking your ability to allow what wants to emerge in your life now.


4. When you let it go, honor it. I sent love and prayers to the women who helped me. I read some of my notes to remember the hilarious and challenging moments of that research. I texted my best friend from graduate school who completely understood.


5. Own your choice. If you let the dream slide or you consciously walked away, a wise part of you knew it wasn't your path.


6. Let the past go and get about the business of allowing what wants to happen in your life now.

I'll be honest. This process is exhausting. My couch has been my best friend. And, I can't wait to feel what's possible in this new future.

Warmly,

Christina

P.S. Have a friend who wants to open their future by letting an old dream go? Forward this newsletter to them. They can join here.

Process Versus Outcome. Which Is It?

Time to read: Less than one minute.

The long-awaited package

Hello rebels!

Have you had the experience of letting go of something you want and then once you let it go, you miraculously get it?

Here's what I mean:

This is the letting go part: When my family was in Kenya last year, we shipped a box of gifts to ourselves. The promise was that the package would arrive in 3 months. (Give or take a few months. I know how slow international shipping can be.) Three months passed. No package. Six months. Nothing. One year. Nada. This week, I told my husband that it was time to give up. If it arrived, it would be a miracle. We let go of the package ever arriving.

This is the getting part: I've been out of town doing team building and coaching with a client team and last night, my husband sent me a text that said, "guess what just arrived!"

Our package.

I was telling my client this little miracle story this morning, and she said, "See, that shows that you have to let go of the outcome."

Yup. She's right.

Here's the nugget: Pay attention to the process. In our story, we dropped any remaining expectation that the package would arrive. We didn't allow any stress over lost shipping costs. We remembered the gifts we were given with fondness and felt the love from the giver even if we didn't actually have the gifts.

When you detach yourself from the outcome (e.g. a promotion, a raise, an office with a window, a particular job) and instead focus on building great relationships, enjoying your day-to-day, and doing great work, the outcomes will take care of themselves.

And you never know, you might even get something better.

With rebel love,

Christina

P.S. You're the best!

Do You Dread Bad News?

My little bunnies many years ago.

When you apply for a new job, go for a promotion or put your hat into the ring for something you really, really, want, do you lie awake at night worrying, "What if I get bad news?"

I'm in this exact spot, and this week I realized there may be no such thing as bad news. Wouldn't that be awesome? Here's what I mean...

My daughter is heading to high school next year, and my son has decided to consider joining her at a new school. This means they have applied to a number of places, and we have waited MONTHS to find out if they are admitted. We find out this week. (I'm doing lots of yoga and meditation to stay calm as the minutes tick by.)

Yesterday a friend commented that she hopes we don't get the "bad letter." When I heard those words, something in me clicked and my nerves calmed the heck down.

There really is no possible "bad letter" that could arrive this week. They will either be admitted or they won't. You will either get the job or you won't. Those are the simple facts. It's the story that you make up about the facts that causes the late-night worrying. Try these on:

"If I don't get the promotion, it's because I'm not respected by senior management."

"If I don't get this job, it was my last chance and my career will stall, and I'll eventually be homeless."

"If my kids don't get into this school, then…. what?….Their lives are over? They are destined for a horrible high school experience? Their future is in jeopardy?"

Can you see how ridiculous this thinking is?

The arrival of supposed "bad" news, is simply the arrival of additional information. And with that information you make your next choice. Do you stay at the company or move on? Do you do something different in your job search or try again? Do you retool your skills so you are better qualified next time?

The fact of the matter is that things always turn out. Something always results, and you are always ready to handle whatever it is, even if it's painful. My children will go to high school. You will have opportunities if you want them. They are growing into amazing people. You are an amazing person. That's what matters.

So, you (and I) can let go of the fear of the "bad" letter and know that all you have to do is be ready to make your next move.

So simple.

With rebel love,

Christina

P.S. I'd love it if you'd share this post with your colleagues, friends and family. Word of mouth is the best way to spread good stuff. Your friends can sign up here to get the a weekly dose of insight, wisdom, and good humor to make them happier and more fulfilled at work (and in life).