What To Do When You Feel Like You Can't Do Anything

Time to read: 1 second

My list of top line practices

Lately, I've talked with many clients about anxiety and exhaustion. It's year-end, and people are busy. Everyone is ready for a break.

Can you relate?

When you are overwhelmed, burned out, or you've gotten to the point where you can't imagine scheduling one.more.thing, here's what to do. (Credit for this idea goes to Liz Gilbert who was interviewed on Glennon Doyle's podcast, We Can Do Hard Things.)

Create a list of ten top-line behaviors you can turn to when you feel like you've got nothing left. This list is for low motivation. Sadness. Transition. Stress. Make a list of 10 things you know you can do easily.

Here are examples:

  • organize your sock drawer
  • meditate
  • snuggle your dog
  • knit
  • read
  • bake
  • purge your pens of ones that don't work or ones you just don't like (I do this when I'm having trouble getting started on something)
  • go for a walk
  • call a friend

I keep my list on my phone and recommend that clients document their lists someplace easy to access. The whole point is you don't have to think about it. You simply look at the list and go. If you have to, you do the list for days until you find your mojo again.

I hope this helps.

 

One Easy Way To Get What You Want

Time to read: 56 seconds

New York!

In case your life is full this week, here's the punchline:

To get what you want, ask.

My daughter and I are headed to New York City for two weeks. She's doing an internship/shadow, and I am her roadie managing logistics and food. This trip happened because she sent an email asking for help, and the person responded with generosity beyond her wildest imagination.

I'm going to admit something here….I actually discouraged her from asking because I didn't want her to be a bother. (Notice what stops you from asking.) She did anyway, and she's off to the opportunity of a lifetime. (It's a good thing my teen daughter doesn't listen to me.)

So, go ahead. Bother the person. Ask. If you don't, the answer is certainly no.

When you ask, sometimes things don't work out or the answer is no. That's ok, too. It's not about the outcome, it's about opening space for possibilities.

So, go ahead and ask. I'd love to hear what you ask for, and what happens when you do.

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How're You Doing?

Time to read: Less than 1 minute.

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I was talking to a colleague earlier this week, and she observed that there are, like, 16 crises going on at once. There's pandemic news. International news. The verdict in the Derek Chauvin trial. Feelings about returning to the office and school. Kids struggling academically. Kids struggling mentally. Then it's not like regular life events stop happening.

Wouldn't it be nice if you could say, "no thanks on the car trouble today. There's a pandemic."

I'm going to keep this short because it's a lot and your brain needs a rest. Here are two thoughts:

  1. Have grace for yourself and others. You are carrying a lot. So are they. Be gentle and kind.
  2. Take good care of yourself physically. Eat. Sleep. Rest. Walk. In an intense week, go back to the basics.

How are you doing? Feel free to email me. I always love hearing from you.

Love to you.

 

What Do You Need Right Now?

Time to read: 40 seconds

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My clients are all over the map these days. On coaching calls there have been tears, anger, hope, and joy. Folks are being furloughed, staying afloat at work, settling into a new vision of summer, worrying about job searching, and finding new opportunities. The experience is not the same across industries and locations.

My newsletter has come out every week for four years. I typically know exactly what I want to write each week, and lately, I find it hard to know what to say. Being at a loss for words is not my MO (ask my husband).

So, I'm doing what I recommend clients do when they feel muddled. Get curious.

Will you share what your world is like right now?

  • What are you thinking about?
  • What are your current struggles?
  • Are you working too much? Not enough?
  • What are the unique challenges you're facing in these times?
  • What would be helpful?

I always love to hear from you, especially now. Your situation is unique and I'd love to hear what's going on out there.

Email me at christina@boydsmithcoaching.com Let the emails rip!

With love,

Christina

 

Feeling Overwhelmed? Do This Instead...

Time to read: 1:08.57 - I guess I could just say 1:09 but 1:08.57 sounds more scientific.

Find the magic

Find the magic

You awake in the night, worried about the next day. You feel behind before your first cup of coffee. The more you do, the longer your to-do list seems to get. That's overwhelm. You're trying to fit 10 pounds of stuff into a 5 pound bag and feel powerless to do anything about it. Sound familiar?

There's good news.

Overwhelm is a false emotion, which means that overwhelm is something you throw up as a shield in front of your true emotions to "protect" yourself from the discomfort of your real feelings. The bad news is that overwhelm keeps you spinning with no end in sight.

There's an easy (although not always comfortable) way out. Here's the prescription to manage your overwhelm:

  1. Feel the feelings. Underneath the false emotion of overwhelm usually lies a martyr, the one who feels like YOU have to do it all. The martyr feels unappreciated. Unrecognized. Put-upon. When you feel the martyr, look underneath. You might find rage, jealousy, maybe even loneliness. Peek behind the overwhelm to find your true feeling and feel them instead.
  2. Leverage the other side of martyr. On the flip side of martyr is love and magic. When you feel like the world is on YOUR shoulders, look for what you love. Look for the best expression of you. Look for the magic you bring to the people in your life and do more of that instead.

Here's an example: Let's say you feel like you are always the one to make social arrangements. You invite people to lunch. You make the dinner reservations. You resent that your friends and colleagues never seem to initiate. (Hello, martyr!) Perhaps what you feel is lonely. Maybe even pissed that no one else makes things happen. Pause. Feel the loneliness and anger. Then lean into the love you feel for your friends and colleagues, the fun you have when hanging out with them, and your magic as a connector of people. Then you can give your gift freely without the burden of overwhelm.

Without all that stinky energy, you'll have more time and more fun. You'll likely get a lot more done, too.

In coming weeks, I'll talk about the false emotions of blame, self-pity, and guilt. By March, you'll be free!

It's an honor to be in your in-box each week. Have a great weekend!

With rebel love,

Christina

P.S. Know someone who suffers from overwhelm? Forward this newsletter them. They can sign up to join us here.

P.P.S. January and February are the perfect time to review 2019 and plan for 2020. Reach out if you'd like to explore an intentional plan for 2020.

 

The Secret to Effective, Efficient Decision-Making

Time to read: a wee bit over one minute

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I've been hearing from lots of people about big decisions they are making this week. Decision making can be daunting. It can produce anxiety and fear. You feel the risk of making the wrong decision and then facing the consequences forever.

See what you think of this common decision-making process:

  1. Gather all the information.
  2. Think about the information.
  3. Make a list of pros and cons to assess each option and determine which one is the best choice.
  4. Think more.
  5. Organize the information.
  6. Try to get more information.
  7. Look for more pros and cons, hoping to find the one that will make everything clear.
  8. Feel muddled and foggy and not sure what to do.
  9. Repeat steps 4 - 8 until you can't sleep.

Sound familiar? You go round and round, stressing out, and getting no closer to clarity until you make the decision through force or exhaustion.

This process is not effective and doesn't produce better results.

Gathering information is fine. The thinking bit is fine. Making a pros and cons list is fine too, but in many cases, it isn't actually going to help you make your decision. There's a point where no additional information is going to make the choice.

So, what's the secret to easier, more effective decision-making?

Here is everything you need to know to move you from muddled to clarity:

The secret: Leverage other ways of knowing. (I put this in bold in case you scrolled right to it.)

You have wisdom that goes beyond the facts and data, and here's how to access that wisdom:

  • Feel your feelings. Do you feel excited or defeated? Do you feel happy or trapped? Are you bored or full of possibility?
  • Listen to your intuition. Are you getting messages that say go or messages that scream "stop!" Does the door feel open or closed? Where do things feel ease-ful or hard?

This requires you to be very honest with yourself and sometimes to make decisions that don't make logical sense. (Remember when I told you I didn't publish a book even though a publisher went out of their way to talk to me? The decision to not publish didn't make logical sense from the standpoint of what I should do. And everything in me screamed, "no!")

You can use this tip for big decisions like which job to take or for small ones like what to do for dinner. The more you practice, the faster and clearer your decisions will become.

I hope this helps!

Christina

Do you know someone who is struggling with a decision? Hit forward on this email and share it with them. If they want more rebel-y tips and tricks for doing this thing called life and work, they can join us here.