Man, oh, man, did I have a dark night of the soul on Saturday. Do you recognize this?
Have you ever had that productive conversation with your exhausted self at 3:00 am after many hours of lying awake feeling worried and ashamed? It's so helpful, isn't it? That's what happened to me.
I'm telling you this because we all go through painful moments of awakening - if you can get through the pain and onto the awakening.
Here's the precipitating event in summary. The subject I am about to bring up is so sensitive, my heart is pounding even to write about it.
Money. (And lying. And denial. What an attractive trinity.)
Here's the truth: I have not been a big girl about managing the finances for my business. For various reasons, looking at my income and expenses is terrifying to me. So, I did what I thought was the responsible thing. I stopped looking at it. I automated everything and outsourced the tracking to a bookkeeper. She watched it so I didn't have to.
I was lying to myself. I was giving myself an easy way to justify not looking at something that makes me very uncomfortable and some expenses got away from me. Some truth tellers in my life exposed my blind spot to me recently and although I've heard it all before, this time, I was ready to listen (after a shame spiral and some crying).
Here's what I learned about blind spots:
- You can't deal them until you are ready to deal with them. And, you can tend them, nudge them, and pave the path to be ready for them even if you don't know they are there.
- It is painful to stare your blind spot squarely in the face.
- Be gentle and compassionate with yourself in the pain and recovery.
- These dark nights of the soul are the moments when you awaken to a more mature, evolved, conscious version of yourself.
- Know who your people are so you can reach out immediately. I would never recommend weathering a shame spiral alone.
- These moments are the ones when things become crystal clear. They breed motivation to make changes and move forward.
As painful as Saturday night was, I am grateful. I am clear about what to do next, and I feel empowered and motivated, even excited, to become a grown up about my money.
Do you have a sense that there is something important that you're missing? Are there pieces of your life that you wish you could tackle and resolve - behaviors that seem to be working but perhaps really aren't, choices that might have been the wrong ones, or things in your life that need a good illumination so you can get clear, address them and move forward?
The fastest and easiest way to clarity is to talk with someone who gets you. I certainly don't have a magic formula to fix your blind spots. And, I've learned a thing or two in my 7 years as a coach and my almost 50 years as a human.
If you think talking with me will help, let's talk! We'll explore your personal situation, and I'll share my best ideas and insights about what might be possible.
I've opened a few spots in my personal calendar to talk to YOU. Get insight and relief right here.
I look forward to connecting!
P.S. Wouldn't you love some clarity and access to my best ideas and insights? You can get all kinds of ideas and insights by hopping on the phone with me. Get clarity here.
If you don't see a time that works, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and we'll find one!
P.P.S. Think very carefully about wanting to be a coach. It causes you to not only have your pain but while you are having it, start to consider how this experience is useful to your people. Seriously?!