Do You Wish For a Free Lunch? You Can Have It!

Mmmmm…..lunch!

You've heard the adage, "there's no such thing as a free lunch," right?

IMHO this is a rather cynical perspective that there is an ulterior motive behind acts of generosity and kindness, especially from a corporation. I am happy to report that there actually is a free lunch, literally. And I'm going to help you find your free lunch, even if it doesn't come in the form of food.

I am coaching and doing team development for a company that actually offers free lunch. For all their employees. Like, you walk into their cafeteria and fill your plate with fresh salad, hot soup, entrees and soft serve ice cream. As much as you want, for FREE. I've never seen anything like it in all my corporate years!

Munching on some delicious chicken salad got me thinking about you.

Sometimes it's hard to see the free lunch that is right in front of you. I know. I know. Some of you are going to write to me and say that you pay for your "free lunch" with your time and talent. (I count on hearing from you!)

Of course, you do. That is the employment contract. You work. We pay you.

Consider this: You can choose to see the benefits of that contract through a lens of scarcity and cynicism (i.e. what you don't get, what you deserve and are not getting, how you are stuck) or you can see it from generosity and gratitude (i.e. how your life is easier, "I can't believe I get _____!" How you are always free to make a different choice.)

Here are some contenders for your free lunch. See if one of these is yours or sparks your gratitude cells:

• You can visit the doctor whenever you want because you have health insurance. Even better if the company covers your family. (As someone who was self insured for many years, I can tell you the free lunch of insurance is pretty awesome.)
• You have the flexibility to leave the office for appointments or your child's holiday pageant.
• You get to work out during the day.
• You get bonuses or spot awards or cool little gifts for years of service.
• Paid professional development.
• Affinity groups.
• Great colleagues.
• Collaboration.
• Making a contribution in your industry.
• Selling a product and/or service that brings people pleasure and/or changes lives.

Sometimes in the bustle and stress of working life, it's easy to stop seeing the generous and kind things that happen to you every day. What free lunch is right in front of you?

Have a great week!

Christina

P.S. If you love the Corporate Rebel Unplugged Video Podcast and Newsletter, please share it with some friends. Next week you'll get an interview with a woman who will show you how easy it is to live and work from pure joy, even when things are hard. Your friends can join our merry little tribe here.

Life Advice From Your Tribe!

I've been looking for an excuse to use this picture!

Last summer, I spent three weeks in North Carolina working at my children's summer camp. (Apropos of nothing, I was the Editor-in-Chief of the child-produced camp newspaper, The Tajar Times. So fun!)

While at camp, I offered pro bono coaching to anyone who wanted it. I spent many hours coaching people in their 20s who were angst ridden over questions like, "Should I marry the guy or dump him?" "I got a degree in a field I HATE!" "Do I take this job or travel through Europe?"

I also solicited advice from the Corporate Rebel tribe and posted the following list on the staff bulletin board. Many, many young people read it and told me the advice was astute and helpful. I came across this list recently, and your advice was soooooo good, I'm sharing it here with all of you.

Enjoy!

From Nick:

1. Stretch every day.
2. Read. A lot.
3. Make time to explore the world. It's fascinating.

From Alastair:

Your dreams remain. Keep them top of mind even when 20 years of reality hasn't quite worked as you thought. Keep them present, and they will guide you.

I didn't.

Through coaching and refocusing, things I thought were lost to career "diversions" are now more present than they ever were before. Shocking really. But it speaks volumes toward a few things.

1. Never give up hope.
2. Accept that the original dream is still there but may manifest differently and in ways you can't yet imagine.
3. Embrace variety beyond what you envisioned.
4. Listen to your inner voice and be true to it.

So forgive yourself right now for not always knowing. Who does? And pause and listen to yourself. What do you want? Truly.

Know this - life is short. So relax, lean into your life, enjoy and focus.

From Anne

It is never too early to put your self-care first. Don't get immersed in baggage piling on your head.

Deal with issues, learn new skills, add them to your toolbelt and move on. Don't be a people pleaser. Be a YOU pleaser! Build your plate your way, set boundaries and know that it is okay to say no. Set boundaries and keep them.

With rebel love,

Christina

Do You Dread Bad News?

My little bunnies many years ago.

When you apply for a new job, go for a promotion or put your hat into the ring for something you really, really, want, do you lie awake at night worrying, "What if I get bad news?"

I'm in this exact spot, and this week I realized there may be no such thing as bad news. Wouldn't that be awesome? Here's what I mean...

My daughter is heading to high school next year, and my son has decided to consider joining her at a new school. This means they have applied to a number of places, and we have waited MONTHS to find out if they are admitted. We find out this week. (I'm doing lots of yoga and meditation to stay calm as the minutes tick by.)

Yesterday a friend commented that she hopes we don't get the "bad letter." When I heard those words, something in me clicked and my nerves calmed the heck down.

There really is no possible "bad letter" that could arrive this week. They will either be admitted or they won't. You will either get the job or you won't. Those are the simple facts. It's the story that you make up about the facts that causes the late-night worrying. Try these on:

"If I don't get the promotion, it's because I'm not respected by senior management."

"If I don't get this job, it was my last chance and my career will stall, and I'll eventually be homeless."

"If my kids don't get into this school, then…. what?….Their lives are over? They are destined for a horrible high school experience? Their future is in jeopardy?"

Can you see how ridiculous this thinking is?

The arrival of supposed "bad" news, is simply the arrival of additional information. And with that information you make your next choice. Do you stay at the company or move on? Do you do something different in your job search or try again? Do you retool your skills so you are better qualified next time?

The fact of the matter is that things always turn out. Something always results, and you are always ready to handle whatever it is, even if it's painful. My children will go to high school. You will have opportunities if you want them. They are growing into amazing people. You are an amazing person. That's what matters.

So, you (and I) can let go of the fear of the "bad" letter and know that all you have to do is be ready to make your next move.

So simple.

With rebel love,

Christina

P.S. I'd love it if you'd share this post with your colleagues, friends and family. Word of mouth is the best way to spread good stuff. Your friends can sign up here to get the a weekly dose of insight, wisdom, and good humor to make them happier and more fulfilled at work (and in life).

Do You Hate It When People Tell You How You Feel?

Time to read: 1 little minute and 15 tiny seconds

My corporate campsite this week.

Do you hate it when people tell you how you feel?

Let me begin with a little story then tell you what to do when someone inaccurately insists you must be feeling something you are not.

I'm at a client site this week doing 2 intense days of back to back private coaching for a big corporation followed by a third day of team building sessions. When I return home, I head to another big corporation to coach all day in their women's leadership program. When I tell people about my week, they say, "that must be exhausting!",

When I hear that, I'm like, "hmmmmm….," or I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed because other people's opinions can muddy the water and make it hard to listen to your own feelings and trust your own experience. With their suggestion, you might start to wonder, "Am I exhausted? Maybe I should be."

By becoming aware when other people are imposing how you should feel, you can commit to listen to and trust how you actually feel.

Here's how to do that:

1. Check in with yourself. When you hear a suggestion for how you should feel, use it as a reminder to pause and check in. How are you feeling? Is there something you need to express, process alone, or adjust? What will get you on track with where you want to be?
2. Pay attention to the stories you tell yourself. Are you telling stories that are empowering or disempowering? Is telling yourself that you are exhausted or overwhelmed enabling you to be your best self and do your best work or is it sapping your energy?
3. Choose your feelings. You get to decide if you are exhausted, overwhelmed or frustrated. The circumstances don't dictate your feelings, and other people's suggestions certainly don't. It is true that I may be tired when I get on the plane to go home, and while doing the work, I choose to be energized and inspired by my clients.
4. Clarify. If you want to, you can clarify how you really feel to the person who is asking. Assume they care about you and had the best of intentions when they made their comment. Something like, "actually, I love these clients and get in the zone when I do back-to-back coaching."
5. Get curious. If you notice yourself "suggesting" feelings to others, get curious. Instead of telling them how they feel, ask, "How do you feel about that?" You might be surprised by what you learn and amused to see the assumptions you make, too.

I hope this helps!

Christina

P.S. Are there people to whom you'd like to give a big, fat hint? Use this email to tell them to stop suggesting how you should feel! They can join to receive this newsletter right here.

Do You Gossip? 4 Things To Do Instead

Time to read: 1:11.15 minutes

Harry Potter was a close as I could come to mini-figures dressed for work.

Office gossip is an international sport. Talking about other people is as common as water coolers, cheap coffee, and windowless conference rooms. Gossip breeds mistrust. If someone is willing to gossip with you, there's a very good chance, they will also be glad to gossip about you.

I had a recent ah-ha about gossip in my own life. I ran into an old friend who I hadn't seen in a while. We were casually catching up when I happened to mention something that sparked her desire to complain about an organization to which we both belong. Luckily, we didn't have time to continue the conversation, and she walked way with the promise to call for a tea date.

After we parted, I realized I was tempted to gossip because what I wanted was true connection with her. Colluding and creating an unpleasant dynamic that would, frankly, leave me feeling like crap, was the price I have been willing to pay for connection in the past. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks, and I decided then and there that I would no longer let gossip and collusion hijack real connection.

Does using gossip as a tool for connection ring familiar to you?

Here are 4 things you can do to stop the gossip and go for the real connection instead:

1. Be aware of how you feel when you succumb to gossip. Do you feel inspired and connected or dirty and sad (or something else completely)?
2. Openly commit to stopping the gossip and collusion. Tell your friends and colleagues your commitment and recruit them to help you stick to it.
3. Find points of real connection with others and talk about those things: common projects, shared interests, different interests, and current events. In my corporate days, we had a tradition of bringing funny or poignant stories from the radio as topics during lunch.
4. Share you areas of personal and professional growth and recruit your friends and colleagues to hold you accountable to help you grow. Talking about yourself is waaaay more fun than talking about others any day.

May these suggestions bring you the real connection you crave.

With rebel love,

Christina

P.S. As always, if you like what you see in the Corporate Rebel, please share the love with your colleagues. They can join our merry band of rebels right here.

Do You Still Believe You Can Have It All?

Time to read: one and a half minutes

This is central to my brand.

Hello Rebels!

I came of age in the era when the message to young women was, "You can have it all." You can be a mom, hold down a fabulous, meaningful job, make contributions in your community, and still make it to yoga class. (Oh, and you can be hot in the bedroom and cook great meals, too.) I really believed it.

Then life happened. I had the fabulous job, the two kids, the great partner, the house, and a couple of vacations a year. I discovered as my children got older, things got harder. I was surprised to discover that they needed me more, not less as they aged out of babyhood. And now, as young teens, my presence as a parent is needed even more. These realizations and my own desire to be present for my children, has required me to make professional sacrifices - to leave a lucrative corporate job and now, to manage the amount of work I do at any one time for my business.

Recently, at a corporate gig that I do every year, I was reminded of this article entitled "Why Women Still Can't Have it All." (My husband pointed out that no one can have it all, even men. Yes, very true. Thank you, honey.)

This article is smart. Smarter than I'll ever be. If you are a woman, if you love women, if you're a mother or you ever had a mother, it's a great read.

One thing that struck me in this article is the way the author talks about how high-powered professional women have downplayed or outright hidden, the importance of their family priorities in order to maintain an image as a "professional." The author and many other women leaders challenge the notion that professionals - both women and men - have to hide when they leave the office early for a baseball game or to take a child to the doctor.

I realized that I, in many ways, have also subscribed to hiding domestic life in order to appear "professional" and like a player in the coaching and entrepreneurial space. So, today, I am going to out myself, and I invite you to do the same by either replying directly to this email or posting your thoughts on the Corporate Rebel HQ Facebook page. I'd love for us to celebrate together all the great hobbies and connections that make you a whole and frankly, more interesting professional.

Through openly celebrating all aspects of yourself, you are modeling how to make work a kinder, more human place.

Here's my short list:

1. I drive my children to and from school just about every day, and I schedule work around being able to do that.
2. My favorite activity is baking with my children. We are a powerhouse of cookies, muffins, and waffles.
3. I love working, and my favorite part of my day is picking up my children at school.
4. Our family eats dinner together just about every night.
5. When it's not freezing outside, I love to walk my dog in the evening.

Why am I telling you all this? Because every part of you is important and contributes to making you successful and happy. All aspects of you are welcome at work and modeling that the "personal is professional" makes for more human workplaces.

Here's to all parts of YOU!

Christina

P.S. Do you love the Corporate Rebel? Share it with your friends. They can join our merry little band of corporate rebels here!

P.P.S. The author's husband (of the article reference above) wrote a great follow-on to "Why Women Still Can't Have it All" called "Why I Put My Wife's Career First." You'll enjoy it. Click here.

This Is For All the Overachievers!

Time to read: A reasonable, not-overachieving one minute and thirty-six seconds

(No photo this week because I'm not overachieving today!)

Hi, my name is Christina, and I'm an overachiever. It's been 2 months since my last overachievement, and it's been going ok. Well, if I'm honest I've been jonesing for another overachievement and fighting the weak parts of myself to not fall off the wagon into overwork and stress.

It's nice to meet you. Can you relate?

Over-acheiving is an addiction because your brain gets a delicious hit of dopamine every time you check one more to-do off the list. Ahhh…..so good.

So, in the absence of over-working, I've been uncomfortable. I don't mean the pillow-on-the-couch-is-squished-in-a-weird-way uncomfortable. I mean a deep down in my gut uncomfortable. I feel antsy and discombobulated. I have more than enough work right now, and I'm learning a ton about myself and my emotions in an advanced coach training course. There's a lot going on at home, too, so it's not like I'm sitting around eating bonbons and watching Oprah all day (and, hey, no judgment if you eat bonbons and watch Oprah). My plate is full, and I'm uncomfortable because it is not over-full, and I'm not ploughing ahead on a big project.

If you are a chronic overachiever and cycle through burnout and exhaustion, here are some thoughts:

1. The messages around you state that more is always better. Bigger portions. More with less. Faster results. Higher salaries. More responsibility. You find yourself on a constant hamster wheel in pursuit of "more." I'll tell you this, it will never be enough. There is no "ahhh…I made it" at the end of that game.
2. Notice if you use work to avoid discomfort. A friend of mine once observed, "Christina, you work to manage your anxiety." You may be using work to numb uncomfortable feelings (like fear, doubt, or uncertainty).
3. Notice how your sense of self-worth and value is wrapped up in what you produce. Overachieving has made me successful. It got me a PhD, corporate promotions and a successful coaching business. And each time, there has been a price to pay to my relationships, wellbeing, and happiness. The price isn't worth it anymore (and probably never was), and I'm determined to learn how to be successful without the overworking.
4. See what it happens when you give yourself permission to stop overachieving and just be with the discomfort, even if it's only for 2 seconds. Start small and work up from there. I have a feeling the secret to peace, flow, and ease is weirdly in the discomfort.
5. Ask yourself, "for the sake of what?" What's the purpose behind the achievement? Is it joy and learning or is it the outcome and recognition? Align your work to your values and align your daily choices to what you want for your entire life, including family, self-care, hobbies, and relationships.

I don't have the answer to this one yet as I'm on this journey with you. When I figure it out, I'll let you know.

For now, you are enough. You have enough. You're doing enough.

More soon!

Christina

P.S. Think of 2-3 friends who need to hear the message that they are enough and are doing enough. Send them this newsletter with your love and this link so they can sign up to hear more!