Difficult Conversations: Tips and Tricks Part 2

Time to read: 1 minute, 16 seconds

Who knew that difficult conversations could be so fun! For the past few weeks, I've received many replies and additional questions. I'll address one here in another Tips and Tricks for Difficult Conversations.

Question: How do you hold people accountable when they are late for meetings or don't deliver on tasks?

Answer: Being late for meetings and not delivering on tasks are two different things.

Handling lateness

The person leading the meeting is in charge of creating the container. Make it clear from the beginning that you start meetings on time. Then start and end on time, even if everyone isn't there. When you start on time, people learn they miss important content and will adjust accordingly.

If someone is late once, let it go. Things happen.

If someone is chronically late, pull them aside in private and be curious. "I've noticed you've come late to the last 2 meetings. We value your presence. Is something making it difficult for you to get here on time?" There may be a legitimate reason for their lateness. Be prepared to listen and perhaps make adjustments to the meeting.

When someone doesn't complete tasks

When someone is not completing tasks, you want to discern what is getting in the way.

Is there a real reason they aren't completing tasks? Like...

  • A sick child
  • A parent in the hospital
  • Sick or out of town
  • Doesn't have the skills or information needed to complete the task

In these situations, offer grace and find solutions to enable them to complete the task.

If the situation is chronic, meaning, they often don't complete tasks over a period of time or they take issue with the tasks or generally have a bad attitude, then that's a bigger conversation. Refer back to the previous week's breakdown of how to have a hard conversation.

I hope this helps!

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One Easy Way To Get What You Want

Time to read: 56 seconds

New York!

In case your life is full this week, here's the punchline:

To get what you want, ask.

My daughter and I are headed to New York City for two weeks. She's doing an internship/shadow, and I am her roadie managing logistics and food. This trip happened because she sent an email asking for help, and the person responded with generosity beyond her wildest imagination.

I'm going to admit something here….I actually discouraged her from asking because I didn't want her to be a bother. (Notice what stops you from asking.) She did anyway, and she's off to the opportunity of a lifetime. (It's a good thing my teen daughter doesn't listen to me.)

So, go ahead. Bother the person. Ask. If you don't, the answer is certainly no.

When you ask, sometimes things don't work out or the answer is no. That's ok, too. It's not about the outcome, it's about opening space for possibilities.

So, go ahead and ask. I'd love to hear what you ask for, and what happens when you do.

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When Your Day Is A Pile-On….Do This

Time to read: 1 minute, 2.5 seconds

Bird Murmurations, Tanya Hart, UC Davis

Oh my. Yesterday, everything exploded.

My husband and I squabbled at 6:30 am about food for our daughter's graduation party and the chaos lasted until midnight when I wrapped up a call with a frustrated volunteer. In between, my father was admitted to the hospital (He's fine, Nothing to worry about.), people across the country were texting and emailing with random questions, I realized picking up my son collided with a dinner meeting, client sessions were packed back to back, and a friend needed to decompress after being a first responder to a motorcycle accident on the highway. (The man was alive - saved by an excellent helmet.)

For the entire day, chaos kept coming and coming.

In the midst of the chaos, I noticed something else. Grace. Ease. Flow.

In the past, I would have found a day like this overwhelming. This time, I watched as help arrived and space opened, like a flock of birds changing direction in unison. My husband picked up our son so I happened to be free when my friend needed help. My father's admission to the hospital meant the doctors could treat something while it was still minor. Clients understood when I needed to end on time in order to call my mom. The dinner meeting resolved the questions about food for the graduation party. Time emerged to answer everyone's emails. Trust was forged in a late night phone call when we both happened to be awake.

Stuff happens. Even bad stuff. You and I both know that. Yesterday I learned that if you pay attention just beneath the visible circumstances of the stuff, you see grace and space. The day flowed, and all I had to do was ride, stay present, and respond in each moment.

Then the chaos passed. Today is calm and quiet.

I can't explain why stuff happens in a pile-on. It just does. When the pile-on happens in your life, tune your attention just beneath the surface. You'll be amazed by what you find.

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