Difficult Conversations: Tips and Tricks Part 2

Time to read: 1 minute, 16 seconds

Who knew that difficult conversations could be so fun! For the past few weeks, I've received many replies and additional questions. I'll address one here in another Tips and Tricks for Difficult Conversations.

Question: How do you hold people accountable when they are late for meetings or don't deliver on tasks?

Answer: Being late for meetings and not delivering on tasks are two different things.

Handling lateness

The person leading the meeting is in charge of creating the container. Make it clear from the beginning that you start meetings on time. Then start and end on time, even if everyone isn't there. When you start on time, people learn they miss important content and will adjust accordingly.

If someone is late once, let it go. Things happen.

If someone is chronically late, pull them aside in private and be curious. "I've noticed you've come late to the last 2 meetings. We value your presence. Is something making it difficult for you to get here on time?" There may be a legitimate reason for their lateness. Be prepared to listen and perhaps make adjustments to the meeting.

When someone doesn't complete tasks

When someone is not completing tasks, you want to discern what is getting in the way.

Is there a real reason they aren't completing tasks? Like...

  • A sick child
  • A parent in the hospital
  • Sick or out of town
  • Doesn't have the skills or information needed to complete the task

In these situations, offer grace and find solutions to enable them to complete the task.

If the situation is chronic, meaning, they often don't complete tasks over a period of time or they take issue with the tasks or generally have a bad attitude, then that's a bigger conversation. Refer back to the previous week's breakdown of how to have a hard conversation.

I hope this helps!

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3 Reasons to Clean Up Your Messes

Time to read: Less than one minute. Time to clean up your mess? Depends on the size.

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Let's just say that the other day, I wasn't my best. I don't know why, but there's something about the vet that pokes my buttons. It's not the actual vet, it's the processes at the vet. It's weird because I'm usually so easy... but I digress. That's not the point.

I became irritated and the poor receptionist who was trying to help me took the brunt. It wasn't my finest hour, and my response was very human. We humans mess up. And when we do, we humans have a responsibility to clean it up.

There are three reasons to clean up your messes - big and small.

  1. It's the right thing to do, especially when you've hurt someone. Cleaning up your messes matters for other people.
  2. Lingering messes are sticky and the guilt / sadness / justification / defensiveness (choose your poison) sticks to you. Cleaning up your messes matters for you.
  3. The energy you put into the world matters so let that energy be honest and true, even when it's hard. Cleaning up your messes matters to our world.

I called the receptionist and apologized. I was nervous. And the 2 minutes it took to take responsibility and be forgiven made all the difference for both of us.

What mess is sticking to you and what can you do today to clean it up?

Email me here if you'd like to consider offering the 90-Minute Return to the Office live event with me and Anne. It's the easiest path to avoiding conflict and messes that need to be cleaned up.

 

A Pitiful Story

Time to read: Less than one minute

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Today is our last false emotion. Pity!

Oy. I'm going to tell you a vulnerable story.

I was talking with my coach. (Yes, coaches have coaches). Actually, it was less like talking and more like sobbing. I was admitting something I'm ashamed of. I started to say what a terrible person I am for having this thought when she stopped me. She said, "what would it be like to feel the feelings of shame and remorse without going to self-pity?"

Her challenge hit me between the eyes.

Ugh.

I saw the self-pity immediately and finally got how self-pity works.

First of all, it's so, so, sad, and well... pitiful.

Second, self-pity is convenient off-ramp. By taking the detour down the self-pity highway, you let yourself off the hook of your real feelings. You let yourself off the hook of responsibility.

See a pattern in the past month of newsletters?

Examining false emotions invites you to:

  1. Get real. Be honest with yourself about what's actually going on so you can address it effectively.
  2. Take responsibility. When you're honest with yourself, you can take ownership of what's actually happening. That may mean taking care of yourself as you feel your true emotions or it may mean being responsible for the ways your guilt, self-pity, blame or overwhelm have affected your family, friends and colleagues.
  3. Be free. Taking responsibility is so liberating. You are no longer stuck behind a facade.

As a professional, why should you care about false emotions? Because they waste your time and energy. Because they keep you from being the powerful leader you are in your life and work. Because they get in the way of the impact you want to have.

You've got stuff to do and people to help and a world to change. No more hiding and playing small.

With rebel love,

Christina

P.S. Do you even dare send this newsletter to someone with a note that says, "I see your self-pity and thought this would help!" Or, "I know xyz situation has been hard for you. I thought you'd enjoy this quick read." You might change someone's life. They can sign up to join us here.

P.P.S. February is the perfect time to review 2019 and plan for 2020. Reach out if you'd like to explore an intentional plan for 2020.

 

Three Unsexy Ways to Realize Your Dreams

Time to read: 1:19.62 minutes

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Happy New Year Corporate Rebels!

I hear a lot about people's dreams or people ask me how I have realized my dreams. If you follow my stuff, you know I'm a believer in magic. I'm also a believer in something a lot less sexy than magic. That is...

Discipline.

It's true that my clients get raises and promotions and get happier at work and in life (their dreams). It's true that I have the flexibility to travel and raise my own children while also having a fulfilling and meaningful career (my dreams). Many days, the path to realizing those dreams is as much discipline as it is magic.

It takes discipline to take a hard look at how you conduct yourself or the choices you make to evaluate if they align with what you want. You have to force yourself to have hard conversations that clean up old patterns and relationships. You sometimes have to stick your butt to your chair to write the report, create the development plan, or for me, today, produce this newsletter. There's nothing magic about making yourself do The Thing.

Here are three ways to stay disciplined about creating your dreams when you're tempted to get another cup of coffee, call the dentist, or talk to your cube-mates:

  1. Remain true to your bigger commitments. That report is just a thing. This newsletter is just a thing. And that thing represents your service to your customers, your value of trust, and your love for your people. This one thing you have to do is part of a bigger picture that is made up of hundreds of "just a things."

  2. Decide to start. It's pretty simple. Just decide you are going to do the thing and sit down to make yourself start. Once you start, it is much easier to keep going until you're finished.

  3. Set up a reward. I'm a big fan of joy and fun so I reward myself all the time. Something like this works for me (dorky, I know), after you write your weekly newsletter, then you can make another cup of tea. (Maybe I should dream bigger. After you write, you get a diamond ring.)

Support and accountability also help you create your dreams. A few of you have reached out to tell me that all the January spots to talk with me are already filled. I opened a few more.

If you want to create a 2019 plan to get you on the path to what you want, let's talk! Choose a time here.

And now I get that cup of tea diamond ring!

With rebel warmth,

Christina

P.S. If you want to explore ways to create a plan for 2019, let's talk. I have a couple of step-by-step processes in my toolbox that will get you set up for a wonderful 2019. Choose a time to talk here.

P.P.S. Please share this link with your friends who want a plan for 2019. Just forward this email directly to them.