How to Stop That Devil On Your Shoulder

Time to read: 39 little seconds


I was talking to a new client recently, and he told me that every time he goes to networking events, a voice in his head tells him he has nothing to say, no one is interested, and that everyone else is a better networker.

No wonder networking seems hard and discouraging.

Networking is a popular place for this negative talk track to appear. Perhaps, for you, the voice appears in public presentations, in conversations with your boss, during job interviews or project meetings, dating, in-laws or college reunions. Choose your favorite situation.

You can't succeed in networking, interviews or conversations when you treat yourself negatively.

To dilute the negative voice, try this:

Think about someone you love - a friend, a sibling, or one of your children. Now imagine them at the networking event with you following them around whispering in their ear that they aren't good enough and will never succeed.


You'd never do that to them, right?

And yet, you do it to yourself.

Again, imagine the person you love. If you were a bug in their ear, how would you encourage them? What would you say?

See where this is going?! At the risk of connecting obvious dots...

Say those things to yourself.

Networking (and presentations and conversations with your boss and interviews) just got a whole lot easier.

Write to me and tell me all about it!

Rebel love to you!


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What's your weird little process?

Estimated read time: 2 minutes.

One process option; Freaking out

One process option; Freaking out

I was talking with a client this morning, and she told me she was feeling indifferent about some work she needed to do. Then she proceeded to judge her indifference and talk about how bad it makes her feel. Do you do some version of this to yourself?

Years ago, I was sitting in a circle in a leadership program, and one of my close friends was sharing how frustrated she was with her own apathy. She was feeling sad and useless. Then our mentor landed a golden nugget on us. He said, "What if apathy is part of your process?"

Whoa! Life changing moment! I want to share it with you!

You have a process. You've probably been following it for years. And when you are in the "not so productive" part of your process, you probably judge yourself and give yourself a hard time for being "not productive." The guilt and judgment sap your energy which is not useful. Make sense?

Here's the thing, assuming you eventually get your project / homework / phone calls / meetings done, your weird little process is working for you. Imagine that? It's working! Who knew?

Another example. My process is that I make a stop in FREAK OUT (and I clean). I spend 1-3 days in self-doubt and questioning and general panic when I'm stepping into something new. Then I pull myself up and get to work with a clarity and determination that the magic pixies generated in the FREAK OUT.

The FREAK OUT is the springboard to productivity. I used to pile on judgment, fear and guilt about not getting anything done. That was oh, so helpful. And now, I'm all, like, "check it out. Here I am in my weird little process. Even though I hate this, I'll pop out in a day or two and get to work." Weirdly, it works. Every time. Even when I fear that this time it won't.

So, what's the place you stop on your way to productivity and courage? Apathy? Indifference? Fear? Doubt? Resistance? Anger? Resentment? Avoidance? Get to know that weird little stop on the track to action, creativity, and production. Then you can drop the judgment, ride it out, and get to work with even more energy.

I hope this helps.


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