Annoyed? Use It For Good

Time to read: 56 seconds

Years ago when I hired my first coach, I got 2-word responses when I emailed her. If I was having a "learning experience" between sessions (usually accompanied by tears and snot), I had to wait until my next session to tell her about it.

These things annoyed me.

Other things that annoy me (it's a long list so I'll only give you a few):

• When people don't respond to emails.
• When people get aggressive or yell at me in traffic.
• When a group jumps straight to the work without establishing relationships first.

Annoyance provides insight into what's important to you. Other people get to design their lives and work however they like. I have no judgment for the 2-word email or the lack of response. (I do judge the traffic situation ever so slightly.)

Take a look at your annoyances and let them guide how you design your commitments.

For example:

• I value communication and connection so I reply to every email.
• I want my clients to feel supported out in the world so they are able email and text me between sessions.
• If it annoys you when people interrupt your focus, make sure you check before interrupting others.
• If you know the power of relationship to make work easier, then you do what's needed to prioritize connection.
• If getting cut off in traffic annoys you, be generous with those trying to merge.

Using your annoyances lifts being annoyed from something that's... well... annoying and elevates them into tools to create work and life on your terms.

Tired of Conflict and Drama? Use This Tool

Time to read: It's a long one. 1.5 minutes!

Arguing over walks and feeding your Covid pup? Design your alliance!

Hello Rebels!

As you start to slowly emerge from isolation and find your way back to life, the risk of conflict is great. Returning to the office. Kids back at school. Families with different values. Reuniting with friends and loved ones. Travel. The tool I'm going to share today is a game changer. I use it all the time.

(First, welcome all y'all who came over from Jason Lauritsen's group. Jason is an amazing public speaker, author and world changer. I'm lucky to call him a friend.)

Jason shared the Designed Alliance* process, and here's more to help you get the most out of it. For those of you who have been in the Corporate Rebel Community for a while, you can get the download here.

Here are three things that will make you a powerful Designed Alliance Ninja Wizard.

1. This process is about being in intentional relationship. It's about how you work together rather than what you'll do.

The mistake I see in partnerships and groups is starting with the work. For example, you volunteer for a committee at your children's school and at the first meeting, you do some intros and dive right into the details for the graduation party. Inevitably, someone steps on someone's toes or gets hurt when someone squelches their ideas. All of that drama is preventable with a little up-front conversation.

2. A designed alliance creates strong relationships and makes the actual work much easier. It's worth the up-front investment. Think about any team or group you've worked in. When relationships are sound, the work runs smoothly, even when you run into bumps. When people aren't getting along, it's almost impossible to do the work and hours of your time get wasted in navigating interpersonal landmines.

3. The designed alliance process works for big and small situations.

When my husband and I renovated our house, we used all 8 steps because the risk of marital disaster was great. The process went smoothly and we actually had fun. (And thanks to our alliance, I didn't have to care about dimmer switches.)

If a friend calls and you only have 10 minutes before your next meeting, a quick, "I have 10 minutes. If we need more time, I can call you later" counts as a designed alliance.

One of my clients used this process with her family (including small children) before a vacation and reported that, "It was the best vacation we've ever had."

I taught this process to my parents this weekend. They've had some change and an alliance will help things go smoothly.

Without conscious relationship, we bonk into each other's assumptions, try to read each other's minds, and give people what we think they want (which often isn't what they actually want).

As you start to get back to life, design your alliances early and often. Then hit reply to this email and tell me what happens. I love to hear your stories.

You Can't Afford Not to Deal With the Stress

Time to read: one second less than one minute

Hey rebels!

Many of you replied that you are seeing a lot of stress in your teams or that your leadership doesn't seem to get how stressful life and work are right now (kids at home, furloughs, economic uncertainty, just to name a few).

Here's a story to illustrate:

One of my clients is struggling to support two stressed leaders who have devolved into conflict. The conflict led a potential client to walk away. She made the case to her leadership that these two folks need support to resolve the hurt feelings and develop the skills to move forward productively for the company. The company is afraid to spend the money right now.

Sound familiar?

I have a strong opinion on the subject. Companies are made of humans. Humans have feelings. Humans have human-sized capacity. You can't push people indefinitely or leave them with unresolved stress and conflict and expect them to perform their best. Hoping stress and conflict will go away on its own is magical thinking. When your employees are stressed, choosing to put off addressing the stress because you "can't afford it" is narrow, short-term thinking.

Your stressed employees are less productive. They are unable to be magnetic with customers and clients and may cost you business. They are less creative and innovative at a time when you need them to be MORE creative and innovative.

One angry customer. One lost contract. One employee who quits. Hundreds of employees who can't focus. These cost the company more than any coach or class. You can't afford not to address the stress.

You gotta take care of those humans. When you do, your employees are grateful. They become loyal. They are more productive. They are happier. It's a win-win for the company and for the humans.

These are my words.

With love,

Christina

P.S. Do you need to make a case to your leadership that your team needs support to manage their stress? Email this article to them then reach out anytime to see how I might help.

2 Questions to Defeat Doubt

Time to read: a teeny bit over one minute

The stage at Hadestown

You're in a meeting. You say something risky. The room goes silent. One of your colleagues replies, and the meeting moves on. After the meeting, you run your words over and over in your head. You wonder if your colleague thinks you're an idiot. You wonder if you should have kept your mouth shut.

Doubt runs roughshod over your confidence and energy.

Doubt is a story older than time.

My daughter and I spent Labor Day weekend in NYC eating and going to Broadway. We saw Hadestown, a sublime retelling of the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. (If you have a chance to see this show, go. Amazing music. Wonderful story. A parable for life and work.)

Spoiler alert.

If you know your Greek myths, you know how the story ends. Orpheus and Eurydice strike a deal with Hades that they can leave hell, but only if Eurydice walks behind and Orpheus doesn't turn around. The voices of doubt overtake Orpheus, and he turns his head to check that Eurydice is there. As soon as he turns, Eurydice returns to hell and heartbreak ensues. When the show was over, I was sobbing in my seat. (My daughter was mortified.)

Of course, I was sad by the unhappy ending. More than that, I was pissed that doubt won. I wanted so badly for this old tale of love and trust to end with trust. It didn't.

So, what does this have to do with you and your work?

Very often, doubt wins. Doubt overtakes you, and you metaphorically end up in hell, even if it's only the darkness and confusion in your own mind.

What do you do about it? Here are two questions to ask yourself when doubt creeps in:

1. What am I trying to get away with? Maybe you want to hide after the meeting and wish your comment would disappear.


2. What do I not want to be responsible for? It might be a good idea to check in with your colleague. Talking to her feels uncomfortable and vulnerable. You'll get feedback. You don't want to take responsibility for whatever impact you had in the meeting. Not asking about it means it didn't happen (see #1).

What to do: Go straight into the discomfort and ask, "I'd like to check in with you about the meeting. Do you have a minute?"

You'll feel better. You'll defeat doubt. And trust will win.

I hope this helps.

Christina

What's the Secret to Big Change?

Time to read: Less than a minute and a half.

We are freezing our arses off. This cruise ship is looking pretty good right now.

Hello Rebels!

Last week, I was working with a corporate team on some... shall we call them... dynamics. They are committed to working differently and brought me in to facilitate a process to help them communicate better and create a happier workplace. The question becomes, how do you get from point A to point B when you are trying to make a change?

Many times, you try to change cold turkey. Think New Year's Resolution. Think Big Change. Think get what you want right now, this minute. Think jump straight from point A to point B. That sounds like this:

"Now I'm going to the gym every day."

"Our workplace will be happier starting today."

"I am going to change my attitude about that colleague I don't like."

The sad truth is, how many of those Big Changes stick over time, and how often do you find yourself a year later in the same situation (or worse)?

Here's what I told the team last week. Big Change happens because you commit to making a thousand Small Changes every single day. Here's a list to get you started:

• Greet your colleagues cheerfully when you arrive in the morning rather than running for your email.
• Eat lunch with the colleague who bugs you and commit to learning one new thing about them.
• Express appreciation openly and consciously three times a day.
• If you need to vent, take it outside the office.
• Give your colleagues the benefit of the doubt and instead of getting annoyed, get curious about what is happening for them.

To the cruise ship photo above: If you turn a huge ship one degree, it will end up in a completely different country. That is the power of small changes. When added up over the course of a year, you will have created the Big Change you wanted.

Every little thing you do matters.

With rebel love,

Christina

P.S. Every little thing you do really does matter. What will you choose right now?

P.P.S. If you have friends who would like to join our merry band of rebels, they can sign up to get this newsletter right here.